I won a prize just the other day
Trip to Disney World, all expenses they'll pay
So there's a plane to catch, few weeks away
I'll burn a lot on a sunny day
My skin's a chalky color - screw it - I'll tan it through
I'll say, "I'm gonna be like new, man,
You know I'm gonna be like new!"

I got zapped on the table with the U-V tubes
Should employ two-hundred S-P-F lube
E-lectronic faux-sun'll slow-roast men
Butt-weals get too redder then
Your glow-weals need some lube-slime then

My skin turned red just the other day
I went back to the mall, and turned on that ray
It'll bleach hair I know, from red-brown to gray
I bought a lot of tube-time and that's okay
As I got the rays, for a while on my skin,
Said "I'm gonna be like Sinbad,
You know I'm gonna be like him!"

I got zapped on the table with the U-V tubes
Corduroy ruby-red branding in grooves
E-lectronic faux-sun'll slow-roast men
Butt-weals get too redder then
You're glowing in your tube-time then

My son came from college just the other day
He said, "Yikes, a tan! What's up, dad, you gay?"
"Son, I'm straight as you, tan's a fit for my style."
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
"That's a T.M.I., dad. If tomorrow your scar heals,
Use a grater when your scab-skin peels."

I got zapped on the table with the U-V tubes
Skin destroyed through tanning vanity-mood
E-lectronic faux-sun'll slow-roast men
Butt-weals get too redder then
New glow-weals after tube-time then

My brown skin's on fire
The fun's gone away
I called my doc just the other day

I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to have your money for my time."

"I see your new tan's a hassle, and your skin's hotter too.
But the cure's ice-washing for you, man,
Yes the cure's ice-washing for you!"

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
I'd bulked-up from U-V
The HULK
Was just like me!

I got zapped on the table with the U-V tubes
Skin destroyed due to my vanity, dude!
E-lectronic faux-sun'll slow-roast men
Butt-weals get too redder then,
And,
You know weals had a tube-time then!