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Song Parodies -> "30 Months of Proof He's Bananas"

Original Song Title:

"30,000 Pounds of Bananas"

Original Performer:

Harry Chapin

Parody Song Title:

"30 Months of Proof He's Bananas"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

It's actually been 32 months since the Great Pretender took office, but I didn't think of this one in July. I'm trying to match the "live" version here, not the record version. Those of you who never saw Harry live, or a tape thereof, do yourself a favor and find one!
It was just after dark as the press started down
the Avenue that is named for Pennsylvania.
It's been 30 months of proof he's bananas.
Yeah, just about 30 months of proof, sing it, Al Gore...

Al Gore (filling in for Harry's bass player, Big John Wallace): He's bananas.

He was a young frat boy, who's failed at all of his jobs
carrying the right wing's water jug
for everyone in that hate-scarred party
where children face lots of despair
and homeless people try and try to eat each day.
It's been 30 months of proof he's bananas.
Yeah, just about 30 months of proof, sing it again, Al...

Al: He's bananas.

He passed a sign that he should have seen
saying, "Shiftless, lowdown 57-year-old fiend!"
He was thinking perhaps about the warm-breathed woman
who was waiting in Crawford, as he'd dreamed.
He started down the two-mile walk
to the Capitol dome, the Democrats stalking the Hill.
He was pushing his luck with deficits
that ran down our economy.
Just a few billion to go!
And he'd go off to Air Force One and fly far, far away
and we've seen 30 months of proof... Sing it, everybody!

Audience: He's bananas!

Harry: Yeah, we've seen 30 months of proof... Louder!

Audience: He's bananas!

Harry: Here we go!

He was popping some speed as the campaign trail
had flashed its light before him.
But he paid no heed as the shimmering thoughts
of four more years went through him.
He went to war in the Middle East
but his vict'ry talk didn't tame the beast!
He said, "Christ!"
It was funny how he had named a man
who wouldn't vote for him now!
He was trapped inside a dead-end landslide!
Riding on his beer-hunched back
was everyone in that G.O.P.!
I'm telling ya, 30 months of proof... Do it!

Audience: He's bananas!

Harry: Yeah, we've had 30 months of proof... Louder!

Audience: He's bananas!!!

Harry: Awright!

He barely made the margin of error that got 50 percent!
And he missed unthankful liberals at '92-style voting strength!
He said, "God, make it a dream!"
as his poll numbers dropped down!
He said, "God, make it a dream!"
as his poll numbers dropped down!
And he sideswiped 19 Fox News vans
clipped off 13 Medicare plans
torched two houses, chopped eight trees
and blew off seven donors!
It was then that he lost his head!
Not to mention ol' Florida
before he stopped!
And he smeared for three thousand miles
from the Hill across the nation to California...
all those 30 months of proof...

Do it to me, cheap seats!

Cheap seats: He's bananas!

Harry: You can always count on the cheap seats!

Mike: Now, if you're a Harry Chapin fan, as I am,
you probably know that the original version of this song,
titled "30,000 Pounds of Bananas,"
has more than one ending. There are actually four.
And tonight, in memory of the great Harry Forster Chapin, 1942-1981,
I plan on parodying all four endings!

Now, the first ending was a parody of a novelty song from 1923.
It went something like this:

Harry: Oh yes, we know he's bananas.
We know he's bananas today.
Sing it!

Audience: Oh yes, we know he's bananas.

Harry: Bananas, and for this, we pay!

I love it! The only problem is, the group, upon hearing that ending,
responded, in perfect unison, "Harry...!"

Audience: It sucks!

Harry: Well, somehow I knew I could count on the audience to go along with that part.
For those of you who came tonight, expecting a family show,
and are horrified by the use of the term "sucks"...

Steve Chapin, Harry's brother and pianist: Too goddamn bad, folks!

Harry: At least, don't be horrified by the use of the term "sucks," because,
in this context, it has nothing, and I repeat nothing to do
with a biological act between consenting or nonconsenting adults.
It is basically a technical term used in the music business,
usually in reference to the Osmonds.

Well, I was devastated by the lack of enthusiasm to my first ending.
That's why I hurriedly wrote a second ending,
this time in the country-and-western mode,
complete with muffledhead drums, oom-pah-pah bass, barrelhouse piano,
weeping steel guitars, wailing fiddles, Waylon Jennings,
and, most of all, good old-fashioned country harmony
from the Amiright Memorial (expletive-deleted)-Kickin' Country Choir!

Now, you'll see your part come on by, just jump on in, keep your boots on.

A woman walks into her room
where her child's left behind!
(Harry points to the audience.)
Audience: Behind!
Harry: I love it!
And then she thinks 'bout 2000
she wishes she could hit "rewind!"
(Harry points to the audience.)
Audience: Rewind!
Harry: And though she lives in Scranton, Pennsylvania!
(Harry points to the audience.)
Audience: Vania!
Harry: She really knows George Bush is so...
Do it to me, cheap seats!
Cheap seats: Bananas!
Harry: Yeah, she's seen 30 months of proof...
verybody take a deep breath, and on my signal, let it all ouuuuuuuut...
(low down) heeeeeeee's (voice rises) bananaaaaaaaaaaaas!

Audience: Heeeeeeee's bananaaaaaaaaaaaas!

Harry: Well, awright!
Unfortunately, that did not persuade the group,
and, once again, they said, "Harry...!"

Audience: It sucks!

Harry: Why do you, every year, get better at that part!
Now, I knew I was in trouble. And I said,
"Chapin, if you can't win with an old novelty song, like the first ending,
and you can't win with country harmony like the second ending,
and you don't wanna win with disco B.S., no matter what."
It left only one other option: A quietly qualitative understated Caribbean ending,
with Jimmy Buffett overtones, complete with
hot sun, green coconut palms, blue water, and white sandy beach, like...

IIII'm... A cheater, bananas, and I'm here to say
I stole from the State that grows bananas!
Summer's come and I want go home! Day-O! Day-ay-ay-O!

Mike: At this point, the band, desperate for applause,
decided they did want to win, no matter what, sort of like the Bushes,
so they started playing some, as Harry put it, disco B.S.

Harry: Are you gonna tell 'em, or do I have to? Boys...!

Audience: It sucks!

Harry: Finally... You know John Kerry told me about it in the car
in his Inaugural Parade on the street named Pennsylvania...

Audience: Vania!

Harry: He shrugged his shoulders, and he shook his head,
and he said, and this is exactly what he said, he said...

President John Kerry: Mike? How'd you score this seat?
You don't have the kind of cash to donate to get in this limo?
Then again, you did write about how we had
58 years of proof that George W. Bush... was bananas.

Mike: Yeah, we had 58 years of proof his head was full...
of mashed bananas.

Harry: He's bananas! Sing it with me!
Audience: He's bananas!
Harry: Louder!
Audience: He's bananas!
Harry: Louder!
Harry and Audience: He's bananaaaaaaaaaaaas!
(band simulates another crash)

Harry: Well, all right!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.1
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 16

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   6
 2   2
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

The Banana Industry - September 16, 2003 - Report this comment
Keep slipping them to us like this. We´re green with envy.
pre-wipe tally - August 06, 2004 - Report this comment
Pacing - 5 fives, 2 fours, 2 twos, 4 ones
Funny - 5 fives, 2 fours, 6 ones
Overall - 5 fives, 2 fours, 6 ones
Kevin - January 19, 2006 - Report this comment
Caught Harry Chapin's taped concert that was broadcast on PBS shortly after his tragic death. I certainly enjoyed experiencing the phenomenon of Bananas and the interaction between Harry, band, and audience. This parody brought back good memories and had me rolling on the floor. Good show!

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