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Song Parodies -> "The Wreck of My Girlfriend's Apparel"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Wreck of My Girlfriend's Apparel"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The following does not refer to any of my girlfriends, past, present or imagined. That includes actresses, singers, and elf princesses. Although Marie Antoinette's got nothing on this chick.
The legend lives on from Paramus on down
in the big stores like Macy's and Nordstrom.
My credit, it's said, thanks to girlfriend, is dead
and it seems that I cannot afford 'em!

With a load, now and then, of her strong estrogen
she plows into the car called a Hyundai.
And soon I have spoke that I would be so broke
if the blue laws don't close mall on Sunday!

The girl was my pride 'cause she came well-supplied
with a sweet face and contours a-curving.
But I got some chills when my credit-card bills
came back with messages so unnerving!

The havoc she wrought with the shoes she had bought
made the salesgirls cheer at Lord & Taylor.
I told her, "My dear, you must stop shopping here,"
then she started to swear like a sailor!

The windows she shopped made a tattletale sound
saying, "Oh boy, here comes our old sucker!"
The guys at the bar say, "Mike, she's gone too far.
You'd be better off if you would chuck her!"

I pushed food away while at Ruby Tuesday
and I don't mean the song by Mick Jagger.
My stomach upset at the stuff she would get
helped by some poor sixteen-year-old bagger!

A hundred bucks, then, say to picture of Ben,
"Doctor Franklin, to my girl I show ya."
At 7 PM, twenty with old Jackson
say, "Old Hickory, it's been good to know ya!"

The phone calls come in, asking for collection
of the debts in my finance imperiled.
And it's such a great waste, 'cause she's got lousy taste.
See the wreck of my girlfriend's apparel!

Does anyone know why she bought those wack clothes?
'Cause her craves turn my profits to losses.
'Cause now hear my sob, I have got second job
and those Starbucks girls, they are my bosses!

I wish she'd give up, 'cause my bank has capsized
'cause she's spending my money like water.
And believe to my soul, can't afford birth control.
Hope this isn't passed down to our daughter!

The Willowbrook Mall out on Route 46
brings in shoppers from all over Jersey.
At Woodbridge, they climb in from Routes 1 & 9
and at Bridgewater, they show no mercy!

And farther below, where Bruce Springsteen did grow
is the Freehold Raceway house of retail.
They spend just a smidge too much at Quakerbridge
and in Eatontown, gloss over details!

In a musty old mall in East Brunswick I pray
they don't open a new Crate & Barrel.
Joan Rivers would chime that a great fashion crime
is the wreck of my girlfriend's apparel!

The legend lives on from Paramus on down
of the girl who's too much, I can't fudge it.
Had to get rid of her, 'cause I'm sure you'd concur:
For THOSE clothes, she busted a budget?!?
I resisted the urge to rhyme a word describing this fictional girlfriend with "Abercrombie & Fitch." But I'm pretty sure this is the first time someone's ended a "Wreck" parody with a question. And before some self-appointed moral arbiter says anything... Since this woman does not actually exist, there is no daughter. I may be a deadbeat, but I'm not a deadbeat dad.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   7

User Comments

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alvin rhodes - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
great rhyming and many hilarious lines...5s plus
John Barry - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
This tour of Joisey is on a par with that of M&P's riotous romp through Switzerland!
AFW - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Hey Man, this is magnifique!...great addition to the EF files
TJC - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
I'm with alvin, John and AFW on this... you put the `ace' in Macy's!
Agrimorfee - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Let's give Mike a lot of credit here! Allan Shermanesque suburban ennui, by way of Joisey instead of Long Island! 555
Michael Pacholek - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you, Alvin, JB, AFW, TJC, and especially Agri for comparing me to the Sultan of Salami. Now, if only someone can favorably compare my political parodies to those of the great Mark Russell...
Serevi - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Don't know the OS but enjoyed this very much! Good work! 555!
MrMacphisto - October 31, 2006 - Report this comment
Good job... 5-5-5
malcolm higgins - November 01, 2006 - Report this comment
your paroies of poitical stripe are like those of the great jack russell there I said it..
Michael Pacholek - November 17, 2006 - Report this comment
Happy Birthday to Gordon Lightfoot! The great Ontario balladeer turns 68 today.

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