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Song Parodies -> "The Arresting of Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Arresting of Edmund Fitzgerald"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

This parody is so good, there oughta be a law against it. But there isn't!
The legend lives on from the Island on down
that's the one that we all know as Riker's.
Our subject, it's said, he wishes he were dead
'fore he becomes the boy-toy of bikers.

With a load of good coke, twenty-six hundred tons broke
from the airport that's known as LaGuardia.
He would take it back and turn it all to crack
for the strung-out, hip-hopping big partiers!

The dude was the pride of the Lower East Side
he'd succeeded beyond mere subsistence.
Got out of his rut in old Connecticut
his drug sales brought a better existence.

Concluding some deals, then he's copping some feels
with the girlfriends of gangsta Jamaican.
But Edmund discerned, rubber, it must be burned
before Rastaman knows he's been taken.

The Feds hoped a wire made a tattletale sound
when into Ed's camp they sent a rookie.
And every man knew, as the young men did, too
Ed's one weakness was his need for nookie.

Well, Dawn, she came late, Edmund hated to wait
so this chick named Denise came a-knockin'.
She asked would he show, to get new kind of blow
so she saw the stuff where it was stockin'.

The agent wired in to get backup sent in
'cause it looked like she might be in peril.
And "Freeze!" was the cry from the old FBI
for the arresting of Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does anyone know where acquittal's chance goes
when the prosecution lasts for four months?
And sealing his doom, his foes filled the vacuum
so his operation wasn't dormant.

He now has realized that his dream has capsized
since he's now having just bread and water.
And all that is spent is big bucks from pa-rents
getting rehab for sons and for daughters.

On Illinois sands, there Joliet stands
with the worst that Chicago can offer.
And Jackson State's noise of Detroit's baddest boys
are paid by Michigan's big tax coffers.

Maricopa breaks men while San Quentin sings
to old Johnny Cash, he's well-remembered.
And though it is closed, Alcatraz we still know
home to guys who left their foes dismembered.

On the musty old grounds out on Long Island Sound
every man knows his life is in peril.
So, friends, I consult, you don't want the result
of the ex-kingpin Edmund Fitzgerald!

The legend lives on from the Bureau on down
of the Agent who did splendid duty.
We knew we could trust her to have great big bust
of a guy who now guards his own booty!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.3
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   1
 4   2
 5   12

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Scathe - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
"He now has realized that his dream has capsized" , funny as hell. Clever reference to the original. 555
Judge Judy - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Too bad we aren't rating egos...I could give fives. But next to Spaff's Fitz opus, this rates no more than 3's
John Jenkins - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
I share Judge Judy's initials and her respect for "The Wreck of Ben Affleck and J-Lo," but I have to overturn her verdict on this parody and sentence you to 5s - with no possibility of parole.
Johnny D - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
I'd much rather be MY Edmund Fitzgerald than YOUR Edmund Fitzgerald ... and that's about the size of it.
Laurence Dunne - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
I too have suffered from writing TWOTEF parodies that, though quite good, were hidden in the bowels of amiright, blocked from the light of votes and praise by spaff's fat, bloated sun-blocking 555 version. If there were sixes, I would have voted 666 for spaff's version. Oh wait. 666, that's not good? Anyway, yours was 545 from me.
Michael Pacholek - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Scathe: Yes, that's the idea, not to mention the reference to Michigan and "wire made a tattletale sound," etc. Judy: Judge, you are hereby disbarred. But you have a point, because, as big egos go, mine is bigger than most. Jenk: Yes, Spaff's version may just be the best parody on the entire site, though Johnny D's was one hell of a dick-tation. Johnny: Uh, maybe I better not say anything else, but I'm beginning to wonder if your version inspired the name "A Roomful of Monkey." Laurence: Your Iraqi version may not have done anything for me, but "Father Fitzgerald" was a classic, so don't sell yourself short.
AFW - March 01, 2005 - Report this comment
Love this old Sea chanty, or should say, Lake chanty...and your parody is excellent..
Kristof Robertson - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
You truly are the master of Eddie Fitz...555
alvin rhodes - March 02, 2005 - Report this comment
i dug it...5s
Dylan "Dragnet" Baranski - September 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Narrator: The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent. You're a Detective Sergeant; you're assigned to work in cooperation with the FBI on a drug bust. A notorious drug lord working on the East Coast. Your job: Arrest him. (Dragnet riff plays). Sgt. Dylan Baranski: It was Wednesday. It was 7:17 P.M. We sent in an agent to infiltrate the suspect's camp. The agent found the stockpile of drugs. However, that's when the trouble came a-knockin'. She called in for backup at 7:30 P.M. We arrived there at 7:40 P.M. & caught the suspect. Narrator: The story you have just seen was true. Only the names were changed to protect the innocent. On March 1st, trial was held in Department XX, Superior Court of the State of New York, in and for the County of Nassau. In a moment, the results of that trial. (Dragnet riff plays). Narrator: The suspect waived his rights to a preliminary hearing, and at his arraignment to Superior Court, he pleaded guilty to selling drugs of x counts. Selling drugs is punishable by a fine or imprisonment depending on the specific offense and other factors such as prior convictions for similar offenses. Edmund Fitzgerald - now serving his term in Rikers Island, New York City, New York. (I think)

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