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Song Parodies -> "If Shrek's Mom Had Only Been Sterile"
Original Song Title:
"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"
Original Performer:
Gordon Lightfoot
Parody Song Title:
"If Shrek's Mom Had Only Been Sterile"
Parody Written by:
John Jenkins
The Lyrics
The stories live on from Pinocchio on down,
But it's not a good message they're sending.
They delude our youth with what can't be the truth
‘Cause they all have contrived, happy endings.
To undo the harm of false fairy tale charm,
All their plots should have drastic corrections.
So I liked the jihad of that zealot Farquaad,
With his plan for their heroes' collection.
I would have known rapture once he got them captured
And began to rewrite their conclusions.
Then once he refined those Pollyanna plotlines
Our kids would stop believing illusions.
The old woman who tried to live in a shoe
Should be moved to the Duloc self-storage.
And then, Goldilocks should be locked in a box
And be forced to eat cold and hot porridge.
For sparing a child, but killing a boar in the wild,
PETA should sue Snow White's woodsman bumpkin.
And in Farquaad's scheme, instead of a pampered queen,
Cinderella would become a pumpkin!
The princess who slept on a pea now should be kept
At a clinic for sleeping disorders.
And six dwarfs would find their jobs had been reassigned
And outsourced across our southern border.
The next time Jack's seen, he won't trade his cow for beans,
He'll sell it for his cocaine addiction.
And Red Riding Hood didn't do quite what she should
So Granny will put her on restriction.
And then Miss Muffett should get up off her tuffet
And do Hollywood with Little Boy Blue.
How long will she last when a director casts
Her in “Arachnophobia Part Two”?
If kids were able to learn these improved fables,
Their perceptions of life would be keener.
But this vision flopped; it was brutally stopped
By an oversized green intervener!
An ogre named Shrek freed these creatures and wrecked
All my hopes for fairy tale revision.
And it drives me mad knowing the plan Farquaad had
Would have worked if Shrek's mom had been barren.
Can anyone say what's in the DNA
That explodes out of an ogre's barrel?
It can't be good seed, so we shouldn't let them breed,
Oh, if Shrek's mom had only been sterile!
Where humility and brains are meant to be
Shrek's gene pool has only two big voids.
Is he the offspring of two ugly swamp things
Or a Grinch action figure on steroids?
Since it can't be known what's in the chromosomes
That might come out of an ogre's barrel,
And since Shrek got wed to that funny redhead,
I now hope that Fiona is sterile.
The stories live on from Pinocchio on down,
And my tolerance is growing punier.
But it could be worse (this song might need one more verse),
If Fiona gave birth to Shrek Junior!
But it's not a good message they're sending.
They delude our youth with what can't be the truth
‘Cause they all have contrived, happy endings.
To undo the harm of false fairy tale charm,
All their plots should have drastic corrections.
So I liked the jihad of that zealot Farquaad,
With his plan for their heroes' collection.
I would have known rapture once he got them captured
And began to rewrite their conclusions.
Then once he refined those Pollyanna plotlines
Our kids would stop believing illusions.
The old woman who tried to live in a shoe
Should be moved to the Duloc self-storage.
And then, Goldilocks should be locked in a box
And be forced to eat cold and hot porridge.
For sparing a child, but killing a boar in the wild,
PETA should sue Snow White's woodsman bumpkin.
And in Farquaad's scheme, instead of a pampered queen,
Cinderella would become a pumpkin!
The princess who slept on a pea now should be kept
At a clinic for sleeping disorders.
And six dwarfs would find their jobs had been reassigned
And outsourced across our southern border.
The next time Jack's seen, he won't trade his cow for beans,
He'll sell it for his cocaine addiction.
And Red Riding Hood didn't do quite what she should
So Granny will put her on restriction.
And then Miss Muffett should get up off her tuffet
And do Hollywood with Little Boy Blue.
How long will she last when a director casts
Her in “Arachnophobia Part Two”?
If kids were able to learn these improved fables,
Their perceptions of life would be keener.
But this vision flopped; it was brutally stopped
By an oversized green intervener!
An ogre named Shrek freed these creatures and wrecked
All my hopes for fairy tale revision.
And it drives me mad knowing the plan Farquaad had
Would have worked if Shrek's mom had been barren.
Can anyone say what's in the DNA
That explodes out of an ogre's barrel?
It can't be good seed, so we shouldn't let them breed,
Oh, if Shrek's mom had only been sterile!
Where humility and brains are meant to be
Shrek's gene pool has only two big voids.
Is he the offspring of two ugly swamp things
Or a Grinch action figure on steroids?
Since it can't be known what's in the chromosomes
That might come out of an ogre's barrel,
And since Shrek got wed to that funny redhead,
I now hope that Fiona is sterile.
The stories live on from Pinocchio on down,
And my tolerance is growing punier.
But it could be worse (this song might need one more verse),
If Fiona gave birth to Shrek Junior!
Your Vote & Comment Counts
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 6 | 6 | 6 | ||||||||
| 2 | 1 | 1 | 0 | ||||||||
| 3 | 1 | 0 | 2 | ||||||||
| 4 | 2 | 2 | 3 | ||||||||
| 5 | 37 | 38 | 36 |
User Comments
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John! my mind is blown. I can see this has alot of meaning, and I'm going to have fun deciphering it. You've written alot here.
Fantastic!
Good one!!
Rhyme "punier" with "junior" again, and I'll have to pop you in the nose. :):) 555
Truly magnificent, JJ. And I wholeheartedly agree with your initial premise - and loved the alliteration of "Pollyanna plotlines". All-round a great parody.
I think that this is outstanding! I would never even attempt to parody The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald. I love what you do with the Shrek characters. If only Mama Shrek been barren! LOL:)
OK...usually I can figure out how people come up with titles...but what thought process brought on this one? Ya know what? I don't wanna know...I'll just leave these 5's sitting here in the corner and sneak away.
So, so good...from brilliant title all the way thru...bravo! 555
Thank you Royce, John B, Adagio, Agrimorfee, Phil, Laurie, Karlando & Kristoff. Agrimorfee, I think that I can safely say that I will not use that rhyming pair again (even though I think it works better than many of Gordon Lightfoot’s rhyming pairs).
And, Phil, my initial premise that fairy tales are bad influences on kids was mostly a tongue-in-cheek attempt at humor. I suspect that your agreement with that premise is also tongue-in-cheek. One of my dictionary’s definitions of fairy tale is “a fanciful tale of legendary deeds and creatures,” so, at the risk of sounding like a heretic, couldn’t it be argued that LOTR is an elaborate, intricate fairy tale?
And, Phil, my initial premise that fairy tales are bad influences on kids was mostly a tongue-in-cheek attempt at humor. I suspect that your agreement with that premise is also tongue-in-cheek. One of my dictionary’s definitions of fairy tale is “a fanciful tale of legendary deeds and creatures,” so, at the risk of sounding like a heretic, couldn’t it be argued that LOTR is an elaborate, intricate fairy tale?
Especially liked the 'grinch on steroids' line...
As the site's biggest WEF fan, I gotta send you fives from Far, Far Away -- as long as there's no "Shrek 5." Or 3 or 4, for that matter. Maybe Mike Myers will absorb himself in "Austin Powers: From Russia With Lust"... and from checking the Internet Media Database (imdb.com, very helpful site), I see that "Shrek 3" is already in pre-production, planning a 2007 release! As Myers' mother-in-law, Linda Richman (whom he parodied for his "Saturday Night Live" sketch "Cawfee Tawk") would say, "Oy vey, I'm getting verklempt..."
Thank you Meriadoc and Michael. MP, I notice that you have parodied WEF 6 times, so you have done more than your share in bringing glory to Mr. Lightfoot's opus.
You shouldn't parody this song!!! It's a memorial song for the men who died when the Edmond Fitsgerald sank in Lake Supirior!!!! It's not a funny song, we just listened to it in school, it's a VERY SAD SONG!!!!
Hamham - you raise a good point. I agree that Gordon Lightfoot's song is a powerful tribute to the memory of 29 men whose lives seem to have been prematurely ended. The other authors on amiright and I who have parodied "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" mean no disrespect to Gordon Lightfoot or any of the men who died. But it is good that you remind us that we should continue to question whether it is acceptable to parody songs such as this or religious hymns or other songs that might have special meaning to other people. In the case of parodying "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald," I definitely respect your opinion, but I do not agree with your conclusion.
(SOTM) And I still think this is glorious! Head-to-head Eddie Fitz stylee, John...good luck, though you won't need it...
(SOTM) I liked fairy tales better when they were just Grimm. Fantastic job you did here John.
(SOTM) A spoof on a spoof. Excellent
(SOTM) Spoilsport! j/k Lol That's a good one. 5's
(SOTM) DKTOS, embarrasingly enough. It's hysterical, though. 555, and I'll learn the original before I vote for SOTM.
(SOTM) Seconding Charlie to the fullest. Awesome parody.
Not only a very good parody, that somewhat late "disclaimer" in respons to Hamham's comment was FAQ material standard for a site like AmIright.
This would make a great video. Ditto virtually all of the comments, especially Philbo's and Merry's and Guy's. Oh, and Hamham's too - this original song should NEVER EVER BE PARODIED. No "true story" songs should ever be parodied. No song where someone dies should ever be parodied. No Gordon Lightfoot songs should ever be parodied. And, especially, any song that rhymes "Cleveland" with "feeling" or contains the line "Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams" should NEVER EVER BE PARODIED. EVER.
Brilliant, JJ.
(SOTM) What Johnny D just said.
Thanks Kristof, Guy, Scathe, Adagio, Charlie, Jake/Luke, K1chyd, Spaff, and JD. Spaff, you are correct. Any writers who consider doing a parody of TWOTEF in the future should be REQUIRED to detour into Rocky Raccoon.
(SOTM) Donkey says "great parody! Got any waffles?"
(SOTM) Well done!
SOTM--Brilliant, John!
sotm - excellent! - very witty, and hits targets! - 555
I agree with Phil's agreement with your initial premise -- I have a daughter who takes the whole "princess" thing WAY too seriously -- Anyway, very entertaining, with (as always) some excellent rhyming (jihad/ Farquaad, just to name one).
this may be my first DKTOS... how sad is that. Clever though.
Shrek: "That's a very big song, there. Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?"
Donkey: "I don't get it, Shrek"
Very good and very funny, John. "Grinch on steroids" stood out for me too.
Donkey: "I don't get it, Shrek"
Very good and very funny, John. "Grinch on steroids" stood out for me too.
(SOTM) Made me dizzy.. In a good way.
I particularly liked the outsourcing reference ;)
(SOTM Wild Card 05) Wow...genius. Pure genius. This belongs right up there with Spaff's "The Wreck of Ben Affleck and J. Lo." This will be a big future goal of mine now that I've finally done "Be Our Guest," I was thinking of setting the story of the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail to this but I haven't gotten a good start yet. Bah. Oh and Hamham"get a grip. There are NO sacred cows on AmIRight.
(SOTM Wild Card 05) Already commented and voted but an insufficient comment on my part. I really like these 'redone' fables., and the're funny. 5's
I remember this one, it must have been a tough month back then for this not to get a medal on its first run. Many good lines have already been mentioned but I'll add that "How long will she last when a director casts / Her in “Arachnophobia Part Two"?" was a stand out for my because of the tongue twister in the latter line! :-)
(SOTM) see above. You have been forgiven for that "junior" rhyme. :)
(WILDCARD) Awwwwesome. Brilliant title, brilliant idea, brilliantly rhymed... someone had their Brilliantbix for breakfast. 555 and thanks for the hearty laughter, this parody had many layers of humour. Like an onion.
(WILDCARD) Weirdest parody in the whole contest...and I'm not complaining!
Hold on a secound Bob... the contest?! I think this is the weirdest parody on this entire website!!! 5-5-5, and I'm afraid I can't make my score any higher!!!
(WILD) "But it could be worse (this song might need one more verse)" was very clever, JJ - as was the whole thing of course - 555
(WILD) This song still eludes me as far as a viable parody is concerned. I had trouble scanning a few of your lines to TOS but I'm guessing (hint, hint) a recording would sound fine so I didn't dock you for it. Hilarious and Feb SOTM must have been tough indeed for this to not have placed then. 5s.
To answer your comment from ages ago, JJ: yes, LOTR is a fairy story (of sorts) - but fairy stories can be oh, so different: read Raymond E Feist's "Faerie Tale", for example. But this:
They delude our youth with what can’t be the truth
‘Cause they all have contrived, happy endings.
...I agree with with no tongue even remotely in cheek :-)
They delude our youth with what can’t be the truth
‘Cause they all have contrived, happy endings.
...I agree with with no tongue even remotely in cheek :-)
Sorry that I spent most of my previous comment in a rant, Johnkins, when I should have been praising your originality and cleverness, and especially your rhymes. Too many great verses to mention, but this time through I especially appreciated Goldilocks in the box and Jack on crack. And if Miss Muffet and Little Boy Blue *did* run off and get married before becoming costars, imagine their marquee: LITTLE BOY MISS MUFFET BLUE.
WILD- You realize for the third Shrek movie, there will probably be a Shrek Junior. It's the Hollywood formula. There has to be offspring! Aargh. Very well done and funny, John.
(WILDCARD) See above
WILDCARD- Amazing parody, 555's!
(Wild Card) Truly twisted stuff.
Wildcard...still FABulous, John...perhaps even moreso this time. I was especially enamoured with Snow White's bumpkin this time around...=) Great job!!
(SOTY 05) see above
(SOTY 2005) See above. While probably not intended on your part this reminded me of a tamed town ADC, which is a good thing.
That should read "... tamed down ADC" (If you don't know, ADC is Andrew Dice Clay).
Still TMGLTM, Johnkins. And belated thanks to Cat for the comparison; I'm honored. Just curious, JJ: Given your views on these tales, what do you make of that Noah story? (Just kidding; you don't have to answer that.)
Thanks for all of the comments. Spaff, thanks for the three comments and for the provocative question (but I wonder why you asked about Noah and not Jonah). I believe that the Bible was divinely inspired, but I struggle with the concept of Biblical inerrancy. The important message of the Bible is that Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior, and I don't place quite as much emphasis on the Old Testament (although when I teach my 5th/6th grade Sunday School class, these questions frequently arise). But, since archeological evidence on Mount Ararat seems to support the existence of Noah’s ark and because the story demonstrates an important lesson about the relationship between God and man, I am definitely not prepared to dismiss this narrative as “I Swear This is the Last Time I’ll Go Boating With Noah.”
Second Place
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,16916.0.html
http://www.inthe00s.com/index.php/topic,16916.0.html
Kick Ass
Mikey Squirrel, you're right about Shrek the Third!!!
What can i say!! Apart from it is very clever!
Mother of Shrek, thank you for your comment. I hope my parody did not offend you too severely. I also hope that Shrek was not your only child and that his siblings turned out better.
No not offended at all!
Quite amused actually that some one wrote a song about me!!!
Ps Actually i think Shrek turned out realy well, after all he had a few films made about him!
Mother of Shrek, I have never had a movie made about me, so perhaps I am jealous; but didn't Jack the Ripper also have several films made about him?
I realize that it's all in good humor, but a different song may have been more appropriate due to respect for the dead rather than making fun of a song that was sang in their honor. It was humorous other then that
Mr. Moore, I was attempting to poke fun at fairy tales, not at the tragic tale of the Edmund Fitzgerald or the Gordon Lightfoot song that commemorates the tragedy. There are almost 100 parodies on this web site that use this original song as their starting point; I'm not sure why you picked my parody, but thank you for reading it and commenting on it.
The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.
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