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Song Parodies -> "The Record of Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Record of Edmund Fitzgerald"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I can't leave this song, or baseball, well enough alone, can I? And if Johnny D doesn't mind a reversal of his version in the second verse, all I can say is that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
The legend lives on from the Bambino on down
and of Maris, Sosa and McGwire.
Of Bonds it is said, can't believe what I've read
but a new guy took that record higher!

With a load of serum, a new superstar did come
his solution a strange kind of acid.
Into his veins dumped and he became so pumped
though where it really counts, he's now flaccid.

The scheme was the pride of the Canadian side
when he came to the Montreal Expos.
The ball he did smack to Seattle's upper deck
when he swung his bat in San Francisco!

Protruding through derm were his muscles so firm
unlike his days as prospect for Cleveland.
'Twas traded away, but in Interleague play
could it be his bat speed they'd been feelin'?

His gain, sixty pounds, made a tattletale sound
when his quadriceps broke through the railing.
And the All-Star Break came, he'd won lots of new fame
that a snitch in September'd be stealing.

The pitch came late and that fastball he ate
and his Louisville Slugger came slashing.
At the end of July, 50 balls gone bye-bye
and to his next injection he's dashing!

When Labor Day came and the guy came on deck
the fans all said he's better than Sosa.
When 7 o'clock come, there goes 71
he said, "McGwire, it's been good to know ya!"

The pitcher threw in and the fans made a din
it's like shooting fish inside a barrel.
And the 74th flew out northeast by north
for the record of Edmund Fitzgerald!

Does anyone know where the love of the game goes
when a press conference seems to last hours?
The clubhouse men say he'd have gotten away
if his locker was closed when he showered!

They now have surmised that he got supersized
with solution that sure was not water.
And all that remains is the shocked look of pains
from the fans and their sons and their daughters!

To Edmund's chagrin, his pharmacist sings
in the Manhattan federal courtroom.
The poor old judge steams that the young men's dreams
through the steroids of Edmund are sports-doomed!

And silent and gaunt on the old Saint Laurent
the Olympic Stadium is quiet.
And the Washington team was once Montreal's dream
but with Edmund, no Canuck would buy it!

In a musty old ballpark in Newark he played
far removed from a baseball cathedral.
ESPN chimes that for his steroid crimes
stripped of record was Edmund Fitzgerald!

The legend lives on in this minor-league town
of the big flake they called Flabby Eddie.
Fitzgerald, they said, was weak, was bald and dead
by the time he reached birthday of thirty!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   3

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Johnny D - July 19, 2004 - Report this comment
The legend lives on
Of this G. Lightfoot song
Which so many song parodies herald
An endless refrain
Through Mike Pacholek’s brain
Yielding yet more guffaws from Fitzgerald
Arwen - July 19, 2004 - Report this comment
I think I'm the only person in the world who doesn't know this song. I think I may have heard it...but I can't remember...sorry, Mr. Pacholek...I know that my vote will make or break Sorry...
Leo Jay - July 19, 2004 - Report this comment
How clever to set up this fictional slugger to avoid slandering the real live ones. Nicely done. Love the acid/pumped/flaccid bit.
John Barry - July 19, 2004 - Report this comment
Three grand slams, plus ones!
alvin rhodes - July 21, 2004 - Report this comment
i never get tired of parodies of this song....and i love baseball, too...i got a real kick out of this one....5
Robert J. Pagliaro - July 22, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice work.

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