I can’t eat a nut that cracks or a Latin fress;
They mean doom for each tooth, or oral distress.

Gummed chow is all I can bear;
If I try doin’ teethin’ I get a nerve flare.
Gummed chow is all I can bear;
If I try really eatin’ I get a nerve flare.

I’ve been cookin’ Cream of Wheat, that stuff can’t be beat—
It’s real soft, unlike the pictures Weiner did tweet.

One time I tried to chew game
And I got feelin’ worse than when I had a head pain.
One time I tried to chew game
And I got feelin’ worse than when I had a butt pain.

I’ve restrictions on the foods than I can intake—
Forget cobs that have corn on them. . .have a milkshake.

Gummed chow is all I can bear;
If I try doin’ teethin’ I get a nerve flare.
Sometimes I wish that din-din
Had enough calories to keep me from getting thin.

I can’t eat no babyback ribs—OK are beans;
It is hard grub I’m lovin’, not soup in tureens

One time I tried to chew game
And I got feelin’ worse than when I had a toe pain.
One time I tried to chew game
And I got feelin’ worse than when I had bad ptomaine.

Gummed chow is all I can bear;
If I try doin’ teethin’ I get a nerve flare.
Sometimes I wish that din-din
Were not pablum or pudding—they’re driving me to gin.