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Song Parodies -> "Not Sick! Good News Spread, And It's Caroled"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"Not Sick! Good News Spread, And It's Caroled"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

Concerned to have been told that a friend's wife was to undergo some exploratory surgery for abdominal pains. *Very* happy to hear 'twas nothin' more than some old scars from birthin' her babies! Instead of a "Get Well" card, sent them this parody, which included their names, where they live, etc. So here is the privacy-protecting version of their "Get Well" parody. (Hope she didn't bust her stitches laughing! lol)
Incision thereon, lays small zipper-scar 'neath gown
For the big ache she had in her tummy
Her husband has said she is resting in bed
All relieved that prognosis ain't gloomy

Though through abdomen they bore; she's just a little bit sore
And both couple and TT are cheering
The good news was true: just adhesion or two
What a tale of benignity, hearing! [1]

My friend and his bride, to the best hospital, ride
Doc no flack; tops, this side of Wisconsin
As all surgeries go, it was quicker than most
While my friend had an ache in his Johnson

Approval confirmed under HMO's steel terms
When they left, fully ready for Cleave-land
And later that night, tucked in bed real tight
Much relief, that brave lady was feeling

The pain and its fires were a tattletale sign
TT prays: severely, not ailing
Took X-ray or two, and a CT scan through
From a twitch in spot tender, was reeling

NP-O eight, so the breakfast had to wait [2]
Ginger ale, she remembers, was splashing
Anesthetist came with some Prilocaine
On her face, did her courage attest: grinned

When snip-her time came, took a look 'round to check
Saying, "Interns, it's not rough procedure" [3]
At 7am, a clean pathway shaved in
Doc said, "Interns, got things good to show ya"

The surgeon cutting in, they had cauterized the skin
Ne'er he would slip, nor you put in peril
And later that day, diagnosis: Hip, Hooray!
Said to tech, "Good news, spread", and it's caroled

Does anyone know where your HMO goes
With its word and its infinite powers?
The surgeons all say, "You'll be home late today"
Ten or fifteen more minutes to bind her

She might have a cyst or she might have fibroids
I'm sure they looked deep as they oughter'
But all of her pains were from traces and remains:
Giving lives to her sons and her daughter

A neuron tolls, interior stings
Black and blue, skin; give her ice: fought expansion [4]
Still knitting at seams while well-hung man gleams
He's eyein' the days for their sportin'

And farther below, her scenario
Tells him that she's weary and tender
As ironic quotes go, TT's parody words flow
With details well-remembered to send her

In a surgical hall, quite adroit: invade -
- To the minimum; nail her adhesions [5]
The Turtle rhymed, ringing up 29 crimes:
"Get Well" planned, but instead, punned on lesions

The ligands bind on, as the stitches all come out [6]
No more big ache at all in her tummy
Superior display: lover lives by her bed
As the ails of dismember cure early

[1] As opposed to -- thank goodness, not -- "malignancy".

[2] "NPO" -- standard presurgical instructions, "nothing by mouth" (in Latin) for eight hours before surgery, except for the minimum possible fluids. (So while yer asleep, ya don't choke on yer own vomit or wet the operating table.)

[3] Hahvahd (Harvard) pronunciation, "procedyah", matches OS "feed ya"

[4] I. e., ice packs for the swelling.

[5] "Minimally invasive surgery" ... unless, of course, it's happening to you or to someone you love.

[6] "Ligand" (organic and biochemistry/medicine) = substance that can bind to a molecule, especially a protein, to serve a biological purpose.

© 2009 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved. E-mail:

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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alvin - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
much better than a get well card,....nicely penned
Michael Pacholek - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
It wouldn't be an official "Wreck" parody if I didn't at least comment, and you've proven that laughter is the best medicine. Take 5 of these and call me in the morning.
Mark Scotti - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Are you trying to get her to rip her stitches out? I would have ripped mine, reading this & laughing!!!
Invisible Boy - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Very thoughtful of you. A fantastic addition to TWOFED list.
Officially...out here we say "Hah-vid" and "pro-see-ja"
adagio - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
Very funny and hopeful words for those living under the shadow of a "spot". :) 5's
Christie Marie M - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
This is the funniest "Get Well'" parody I read, Tommy! I sure bust my stitches with this song! But it's quite worth it. I echo all comments above. 555 more stitches just in case she happens to rip her scars!
Tommy Turtle - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
alvin, thanks :)

Michael Pacholek: I'm truly sorry that I missed the ceremony appointing you to that position, but very much appreciate the kind words and comments from an experienced TWOTEFD parodist..... and more props to you for not pointing out two other writers who did it better than I did, as ya did at my first stab at TOS.
Thanks for v/c from the "kinder, gentler" Michael :)

Mark Scotti: Last I heard, she was doing fine ... maybe she didn't think it was funny? (naah, they both did!) .. thanks for v/c, Mark!

Invisible Boy: Thanks for the cahrection, and glad to see that "pro-see-ja" still wuhks with OS "feed ya". I ask not what my readahs can do fah me, but what I can do fah my readahs. Thanks fah v/c!

adagio: indeed. Common, and scary. thanks for v/c, and wishing gl/good health to all, present company included. thanks for v/c, pba.

Christie Marie M: Thanks! I'll pass the stitches along... is this what they mean by a comedian who "had me in stitches? :-) thanks for v/c, CMM.
Invisible Boy - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment've given me an idear from this...thanks
TT - June 02, 2009 - Report this comment
IB -- Go for it! .... looking forward to it.
Travelin' Man - June 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Verry thoughtful 'n masterfully penned bestwishody, TT... and I'm quite confident they were touched... Pardon brevity... Composed on cell!
Tommy Turtle - June 04, 2009 - Report this comment
Travelin' Man, a lot of peeps think TT is a little "touched", too... lol. Indeed, they've told me that they appreciated it. Thanks for taking time from travelin'; hope not unravelin' from the stress.

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