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Song Parodies -> "The Election of Springfield Law Breakers"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Election of Springfield Law Breakers"

Parody Written by:

John Jenkins

The Lyrics

Governor Blagojevich is continuing in the tradition of Illinois governors (the fourth in forty years to be accused of accepting bribes and related crimes). Interestingly, Governor Kerner, who was convicted in 1974 to start the trend, was only caught because the race track operator who bribed him, with horse racing association stock, had deducted the value of the stock on her income tax return thinking that bribery was an ordinary and necessary business expense in Illinois.
The legend lives on from Al Capone’s cronies down
In the great state they call “Land of Lincoln.”
The state, it is said, is where corruption is bred;
It must be in the water they’re drinkin.’

Since Al Capone’s times, crooks have been aided in crimes
By officials with whom they’ve colluded.
These politicians have strange superstitions
That, from laws they’ve passed, they are excluded.

You don’t go to schools to study bribery rules,
But that did not stop Governor Kerner.
There were deals to make and bribes to learn how to take,
And this man was a very fast learner.

Concluding some terms with two S & L firms,
Dan Walker got paid under the table.
When his friends said, “Damn, why this little bank scam?”
He answered, “Just because I was able.”

Then Gov’nor Ryan was frequently tryin’
To find ways to increase his bank balance.
Today he’s maligned for the bribes he streamlined
But, bogus teamsters once loved his talents.

If big bucks you spend, then big rules you can bend;
It’s the way of Chicago and Springfield.
You make big offers to fill governors’ coffers
‘Cause their power is more than what kings wield.

These governors claim that their paychecks were lame
And they needed some income enhancement.
But since they got caught and can no longer be bought,
Their careers will have no more advancement.

Can anyone say how much voters should pay
To get reformers who are not fakers?
They’ve raised the pay scale, but they still can’t curtail
The election of Springfield law breakers.

Now Blagojevich can not stifle his itch
To sell himself to the highest bidder.
So, if you have dreams, and can afford Rodney’s schemes,
Just pay his fee and he will deliver.

Rod tries not to laugh at the hard work of his staff
And the candidates they are critiquing.
’Cause if you lack skills, but help Rod pay campaign bills,
You’re the kind of appointment he’s seeking.

With carrot and stick, Rod considers his pick.
Because he is completely unbiased,
There’s just one litmus test for who Rod thinks is best,
And that’s who has the bribe that’s the highest.

If you pay enough, Rod will sell lots of stuff,
So some landmarks might soon have new owners.
He’ll be free from gloom when he sells the Lincoln tomb
And names it for his legal fund donors.

Unremorsefully, Rod considers his plea.
He’s no longer a mover and shaker
‘Cause newspaper scribes counted 29 bribes
Taken by the new Springfield law breaker.

Graft has never died, though the Untouchables tried,
In the great state they call “Land of Lincoln.”
Though Elliot Ness tried to clean up the mess,
There’s a lot in the state that’s still stinkin.’

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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Stan Hall - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
A Superior job, JJ ... best one I've seen to date on the topic.
AFW - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Puts the shaft to graft and does it with class satire.....encylopedia quality
Patrick - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Looks like we're on the same wavelength, today, great job with this challenging melody.
alvin - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
funny and wonderfully paced
Leo Keough - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Ai, yai, yai, yai All fives for Mr. John Jenkins He pulled off this spoof With nary a goof And left us all thinkin' of Lincoln Am I the only one who ever noticed that the pacing of each couplet of Gordon Lightfoot's melody is almost identical to the last three lines of a standard Limerick verse?
Doug Baseball - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
LOL, brilliant; should be on Leno with that one!
TJC - December 15, 2008 - Report this comment
Muy muy excellente! No light foot, er, light weight lyricist here!
Tommy Turtle - December 16, 2008 - Report this comment
Umm, if Senator Obama's Senate seat was for sale to the highest bidder, how much do you suppose Obama paid for the seat in the first place? ...And am I the only one wondering that?

Brilliant, JJ. 555+++ (you can pay me later for the votes.)
Mari - December 16, 2008 - Report this comment
Great parody! Actually, it might have been an interesting history lesson on "Schoolhouse Rock."
Claude Prez - January 11, 2009 - Report this comment
Excellent work. Though I have to wonder why everyone seems to think this sort of thing is unusual; most politicians get a decent, honest, "all you can make".

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