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Song Parodies -> "The Wreck Of The Tottenham Hotspur"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"The Wreck Of The Tottenham Hotspur"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

This won't make sense unless A, you're from the British Isles, or B, you click on the link below. I managed to get 15 of the 20 current Premier League teams into this piece. I used to hate watching soccer and made fun of people who watched it. Then I decided to treat it like hockey on grass, and it began to make a little sense. The fact that the team I chose, London's Arsenal, wears red jerseys like my hockey team, the New Jersey Devils, and often drives me crazy like the Devils do, extends the analogy. Since Tottenham is their neighbhorhood arch-rival, it made them the ideal bunch to be "wrecked." And if you think Yankees-Red Sox or any U.S. college football rivalry is rough, click on some of the team links and you'll see some "derbies" that make those events look like tea parties.
The legend lives on from the Premiership on down
of the game that some blokes call “the footie.”
The game, it is said, never gives up her dead
in the cities or coal towns so sooty!

With a load of big quid, foreign investors slid
into Chelsea and Manchester City.
The League good and true is a bone to be chewed
but the results have turned out not pretty!

The team that’s the pride plays out on Merseyside.
Reds of Liverpool with eighteen titles.
As football clubs go, it’s been bigger than most
and the Everton blues are their rivals.

Concluding some match with some scores in a batch
Liverpool fans have reason for talking.
The lords of Anfield are sure they’ll never yield.
And, alone, they say, you’re never walking.

The windbags to east made a tattletale sound
for their team called Manchester United.
And every man knew, as Sir Alex did, too
that “ManUre” is hated and spited!

Up north is a band that is called Sunderland
and their people are known as the Mackems.
The Newcastle “Toons” think the Mackems are goons
and the “Geordies” would like to attack ‘em!

When Arsenal came into Spurs’ White Hart Lane
Tottenham knew it’s too rough to play ya.
When struck 2 PM, Wenger’s boys rushed right in
and said, “Fellas, it’s been good to slay ya!”

The Captain kicked the ball past manager Martin Jol
and it’s clear they can’t play no good soccer.
Walcott scored on pass in from Cesc Fabregas,
brought the wreck of the Tottenham Hotspur!

Does anyone know where the love of the game goes
when injury time seems to last hours?
Weak teams like West Brom know their time will not come
and they might as well head for the showers!

Teams like Middlesbrough, hardly anyone knows.
Unlike Man U, they’re not widely hated.
And all that remains is the faces and the names
of the players of teams relegated!

The River Thames rolls past some smaller clubs
in London like West Ham and Fulham.
In Birmingham’s steel, Aston Villa reveals
fans who call them “My precious” like Gollum.

And farther below, the Portsmouth team flows
while Southampton, their rivals, they stay down.
And the second-tier clubs seek promotion but flubs
make them wonder why they ever play on!

In a musty old ground in North London they play
far removed from the St. Paul’s Cathedral.
The church bell chimes ‘til it rings 47 times
since Tottenham’s last title procedural!

The legend lives on in every English town
of a game that gets every fan trembly.
If the League gives no chance, they can still send their fans
to the FA Cup Final at Wembley!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.2
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.1

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

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Peter Andersson - November 19, 2008 - Report this comment
This scores fives and lines like "and, alone, they say, you’re never walking" about the second most famous team to ever come out of Liverpool was shere poetry. :-)
Michael Pacholek - November 19, 2008 - Report this comment
I'm presuming the first such team was the Beatles?
Invisible Boy - November 20, 2008 - Report this comment
I thought this was great. It was fun to read and to learn about a topic that you have obviously researched well...

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