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Song Parodies -> "Wrecked By the Iowa Caucus"
Original Song Title:
"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"
Original Performer:
Gordon Lightfoot
Parody Song Title:
"Wrecked By the Iowa Caucus"
Parody Written by:
Michael Pacholek
The Lyrics
As promised. I couldn't promise a Hillary win -- clearly. But based on Obama's performance in a State that's 91 percent non-Hispanic whites, I'd say the Republicans should be very worried. Especially if they nominate the Far-Right Rev. Huckabee.
The legend lives on from Pottawottamie down
of the State with the 99 Counties.
And every four years bringing hopes and some fears
politicians are looking for bounties!
With that load of bullcrap, nearly 3 million lap
up all of that quadrennial attention.
Then for three years and more, they might feel really sore
'cause what other times do they get mentioned?
The pols go and fly to Mississippi's west side.
(That's the River, not State of Magnolia.)
And every man knew, as the candidates did, too
that they'd come and try to pigeon-hole ya!
Concluding the terms of the Presidents so firm
heading toward the November election.
The votes that they take, they can make or they'll break
rides of gales to November's selection!
They once announced late, but now can't seem to wait
not for New Year, much less the Convention.
Some nearly two years make announcement, we sneer
and that's not just some anal-retention!
The news networks come with their tattletale sound
and they broadcast for twenty-four hours.
"Debates," they were called, but they left us appalled.
Some of us even said we need showers!
The issues discussed left us feeling concussed
and they changed rather quick, even weekly.
And then it gets bad, with the negative ads
pulled stunts very nasty, quite sneakily!
In seventy-six, Jimmy Carter hit the sticks
at a time when this vote had not mattered.
He won and it showed that New Hampshire's big load
of being "first in the nation" was shattered!
So sucker-time came and George Bush came on deck
thinking with this win, he had momentum.
It didn't work out, Reagan had the most clout.
Daddy Bush wishes now he'd out-spent him!
The networks wired in, won by Pat Robertson.
Bush's second try seemed then in peril.
But his son wrapped up fast, dispatched entire cast
who sank fast like the Edmund Fitzgerald!
Does anyone know where the love of God goes
when these speeches turn minutes to hours?
Old Howard Dean screamed like a young man's dreams
but John Kerry's vote over him towered!
And then, off they go, to New Hampshire, you know
where the issues are completely different.
I don't know why these States have control o'er our fates.
But on being first, they're still insistent!
In a musty old school in Des Moines, they line up
and then somebody's party is raucous.
On the GOP side, Huckabee is the pride.
Romney, wrecked by the Iowa Caucus!
The Clintons go on, Hillary didn't get crown
'cause this vote went to Barack Obama.
If he goes on to win in the general election
Democrats will say, "Repubs: Yo' Mama!"
of the State with the 99 Counties.
And every four years bringing hopes and some fears
politicians are looking for bounties!
With that load of bullcrap, nearly 3 million lap
up all of that quadrennial attention.
Then for three years and more, they might feel really sore
'cause what other times do they get mentioned?
The pols go and fly to Mississippi's west side.
(That's the River, not State of Magnolia.)
And every man knew, as the candidates did, too
that they'd come and try to pigeon-hole ya!
Concluding the terms of the Presidents so firm
heading toward the November election.
The votes that they take, they can make or they'll break
rides of gales to November's selection!
They once announced late, but now can't seem to wait
not for New Year, much less the Convention.
Some nearly two years make announcement, we sneer
and that's not just some anal-retention!
The news networks come with their tattletale sound
and they broadcast for twenty-four hours.
"Debates," they were called, but they left us appalled.
Some of us even said we need showers!
The issues discussed left us feeling concussed
and they changed rather quick, even weekly.
And then it gets bad, with the negative ads
pulled stunts very nasty, quite sneakily!
In seventy-six, Jimmy Carter hit the sticks
at a time when this vote had not mattered.
He won and it showed that New Hampshire's big load
of being "first in the nation" was shattered!
So sucker-time came and George Bush came on deck
thinking with this win, he had momentum.
It didn't work out, Reagan had the most clout.
Daddy Bush wishes now he'd out-spent him!
The networks wired in, won by Pat Robertson.
Bush's second try seemed then in peril.
But his son wrapped up fast, dispatched entire cast
who sank fast like the Edmund Fitzgerald!
Does anyone know where the love of God goes
when these speeches turn minutes to hours?
Old Howard Dean screamed like a young man's dreams
but John Kerry's vote over him towered!
And then, off they go, to New Hampshire, you know
where the issues are completely different.
I don't know why these States have control o'er our fates.
But on being first, they're still insistent!
In a musty old school in Des Moines, they line up
and then somebody's party is raucous.
On the GOP side, Huckabee is the pride.
Romney, wrecked by the Iowa Caucus!
The Clintons go on, Hillary didn't get crown
'cause this vote went to Barack Obama.
If he goes on to win in the general election
Democrats will say, "Repubs: Yo' Mama!"
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User Comments
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Oy, an epic political piece. . .my main thing is just the Huckabee not be our next president---that is my main concern. . .it will be an easy vote for me if Huckabee comes up for the Republican side as I support all three front runners in the Democrat party over Huckabee. . .it's scary that he took Iowa, but Iowa represents what. . .maybe half a percent of the country (that's 0.5%) which means absolutely nothing. . .and today's Wyoming is even further down the list. . .bring on the big states.
This is really good stuff, MP, particularly the first 3 verses and the "hours/showers" verse. But I've got to propose a Barack Obama rule for the remainder of the campaign: no more than one “Obama/Yo mama” rhyme per parodist per day!
Must agree with JJ. A fine bit of writing here Michael. All too true or at least most of it. I can appreciate the work that went into this as I have done this OS twice myself. Very difficult pace and pattern to capture and you have captured it well. Humourous and witty. Did you know that the "Dumb Moines" newspaper actually endorsed Hillary? I was on the phone to a relative of a relative in Iowa farm country a few days before Christmas and she was not liking that endorsement in the least. And I applaud you for knowing that Iowa has 99 counties. My wife is from that state and I have been over at least half of that state over the years. My Wife's family on her Mom's side owns almost all of Hamilton County, Iowa. They actually have a carnival for their family reunions.
I hereby cast my 5 caucus votes to this parody. And by the way for the record, Obama has the biggest caucus.
I hereby cast my 5 caucus votes to this parody. And by the way for the record, Obama has the biggest caucus.
Hey Mike, wanna rescind this comment: "But we don't have to worry about that, because Hillary will restore America's greatness, which we lost on December 12, 2000." And one of the great things she has done since being in the Senate would be......???
The debates will go on longer than this parody - or a Burbank City Council meeting.
masterfully written
As much as I love Michael, he knows that I don't "do" political parodies...so it's probably something of a surprise that I'm even here. After reading BAD's comment, however, how can I resist.
So...Iowa means absolutely nothing, and Wyoming means less than that? Wyoming is less important than...everything??? =( All politics aside, you've unknowingly picked a fight with the wrong Wyoming Elf, Dave... ; )
So...Iowa means absolutely nothing, and Wyoming means less than that? Wyoming is less important than...everything??? =( All politics aside, you've unknowingly picked a fight with the wrong Wyoming Elf, Dave... ; )
Oh Arwen, you know that's not what I mean, I'm from Missouri--so it's not like my state has much say either. . .Sorry if I offended you, I didn't mean it like that :(
Thank you, everyone. But, for the record, Missouri is a "bellwether state." I think the candidate who's taken it has ended up winning the whole thing every time, maybe except for once. The 2000 race was typical: Missouri was one of the States our side thinks Bush stole, and he got credit for it; had he not, he would've lost beyond all doubt. As for Wyoming, well, there's Dick Cheney... or, as LOTR fan Arwen might call him, "Saruman." (Not "Gollum." That's Karl Rove.)
Another winner here, Mike. Hey, better Iowa than Utah. I knew Obama would win 'cause I dreamt it. Check out my parody tomorrow.
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