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Song Parodies -> "Beckham Is Headed For Trouble"

Original Song Title:

"The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

Original Performer:

Gordon Lightfoot

Parody Song Title:

"Beckham Is Headed For Trouble"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

And, once again, The Rest Of The World has sent America an emissary to try to bring us into the family of nations, in the hope that we will finally take their side and see that soccer is not an incredibly stupid game. This emissary will have as much success as all the others. Note that "Real," Spanish for "royal," is pronounced "Ree-AL," not "REEL."
The legend lives on from the Brazilians on down
of the great man who was known as Pele.
But Edson, it's said, couldn't bring game ahead
and the real football remains our melee.

With a load of Dutch strife, there was once Johan Cruyff
and the German named Franz Beckenbauer.
Chinalgia, paesan, you were putting me on.
Your game turned the minutes to hours!

The scheme was the pride of the world's other side
to make all these Americans love soccer.
They even tried chicks with their sports-bras and kicks.
Well, I might want to meet them in lockers!

It might have been nice if the girl named Posh Spice
had remained just Victoria Adams.
Her hubby, it seems, has a young man's steams
and his cheating had left her quite saddened.

This overgrown kid played for Real Madrid
and the Big Red United, Manchester.
But on national team, he made all England scream
for his captaincy's sordid divester!

So popular remained that they hadn't abstained
from the movie with Parminder Nagra.
But Becks at his peak found something else to seek
and his secretary served as Viagra!

When MLS came, the commissioner came on deck
saying, "David, to save us, we need ya."
He signed a contract, but as matter of fact
not yet has Real Madrid freed ya!

Ex-Captain wired in, "Me and Posh are comin' in
and your revenues, they're gonna double."
If fortunes he told, he'd not have any gold.
David Beckham is headed for trouble!

Does anyone know where the love of sports goes
when 90 minutes seems like 10 hours?
It seems it's revealed, spends less time on the field
than he's fixing his hair in the shower!

For, you know, it seems Becks, he is quite metrosex
with his sharp suits and five-dollar water.
And all that's remained is how Posh looks so pained
as Becks puts moves on team owner's daughter!

Los Angeles town wants to give him a crown
that they tried to give to Kobe Bryant.
The idea, it seems, is he won't wreck their dreams
giving women a good kind of cryin'.

And farther below, there's the Home Depot
sponsor paying for name of the Center.
It ain't Hollywood, for Becks, might be no good.
Could this superstar be a resenter?

On some musty old film, at the Meadowlands played
New York Cosmos, now reduced to rubble.
In five years, by golly, it will seem such a folly.
That Beckham is headed for trouble!

The legend lives on from the FIFA on down
of the big flakes who ask, "Why not futbol?"
Superior, we said, game of helmet on head.
Silly handless game, 'twould be a bad call!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.3
How Funny: 2.3
Overall Rating: 2.3

Total Votes: 30

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   20
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   10

User Comments

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TJC - July 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Great job... I think its safe to say you 'pwn 'this OS! And I didn't know about the cheating... guess he's just tryin' to add more spice to his marriage!
alvin - July 18, 2007 - Report this comment
true dat....this guy will have to score about six goals a game to be worth the money
Beatlejuice - July 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Last night on Letterman, he explained how ESPN would be using 19 cameras for Beckham's first soccer game, and how that would increase the American audience by.....19. There's much more action in the soccer stands, with all the riots, than there is in the actual game.
Michael Pacholek - July 18, 2007 - Report this comment
That's exactly my argument, Mr. Juice: Any game where the fans are more interesting than the game they're watching is not a sport. On an apparently unrelated subject, to whoever dropped yet another Ones Bomb on me: This parody has nothing to do with George W. Bush or any other Republican, or any specific sports team I don't like, or any celebrity I've previously roasted, so what the hell? Be a man (or, if female, be an adult) about it, sign your real name, and post your objection(s) to the parody! If it's just personal, and you don't like me, hey, that's life, I can take it, but have the organs to say so! If not, then you're nothing but a pathetic little coward! And you don't deserve to be on this great website! Show yourself! (I know it's not my evil twin Bernard. He doesn't know how to give more than one vote at a time.)
stuart mcarthur - July 18, 2007 - Report this comment
these things just flow like 5 dollar water from your brain, MP - marvellous detail, and cunning rhymes, like "and his secretary served as Viagra" - 555
Mike (Mike Armstrong) - July 18, 2007 - Report this comment
Haven't been to the site in quite a while, was glad to see you're still in the sports parody game Mike! Nice little history of the defects to American soccer in the opening paragraphs, but I enjoyed the parody as a whole. Some great one-liners in there - but honestly, I'm in favor of the MLS and the WNBA getting the hell out of the picture. The 5 combined minutes they waste on Sportscenter every morning are 5 minutes too many.
John Jenkins - July 19, 2007 - Report this comment
I did not get all of the soccer references, but I liked the Kobe verse and the parody as a whole. When the Los Angeles mayor introduced Beckham at a media event last week, he was loudly booed. But it wasn't because of his divorce, but because earlier in the season he had worn the jersey of a rival soccer team.
Michael Pacholek - July 19, 2007 - Report this comment
Such is the Via Dolorosa de Villaraigosa, John. Sometimes these politicians have a tin ear when it comes to sports. See also John Kerry and Mike Bloomberg. True story: Cubs legend Ernie Banks once ran for City Council. He didn't want to offend his Democratic or Republican fans, so he ran as an independent. He ran on the South Side, the biggest black neighborhood in the country. He finished 4th out of 5. Who could vote against Ernie Banks? South Siders, mostly White Sox fans who hate Banks' Cubs, that's who! And Tom Brokaw once interviewed President Reagan on the Super Bowl pregame show. Reagan was from Illinois, Chicago Bears territory, but was wearing a red sweater, same color as the New England Patriots then wore on their home jerseys, and how could the President root against a team called the Patriots? He managed to brush it off and say he just wanted a good game. He didn't get his wish: Bears 46, Pats 10.
John the Grunt - July 25, 2007 - Report this comment
It's funny how americans hate Soccer with such a passion and act all superior like American sports are so much better. The reality is that sport is about how much you care about it and Americans will always think Soccer is boring because they don't care. Europeans think American football is boring too, because they dont care about it. They have no skin in the game. Lets just try to say tomatoes/tomaH-toes rather than denigrating other cultures and their sports. A neutral fan could just as easily point fingers at baseball and American Football....

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