Heard that you escaped barely with your life
And I just gotta ask you: how the hell did you survive?
You were surrounded on all sides by dudes who looked pretty strong
And wieldin' lots of pointy things that weigh a lot
The walls just cracked, crushed them to paste
Did you do somethin' to cause that like whack them with a hefty mace?
No? Out of the blue they went thwock and made bad guy pancakes, I see
I don't think that I can believe that, too convenient for me
More details, no? There's nothin' more?
Sounds like a book that was written up at ten to four
And it was due at four, so pulled from their behind
A crap solution
I think your story's a lie
Oh yes, cause, my, that sounds contrived
So, the walls collapsed and squashed the thugs? Don't pull wool 'cross my eyes
Don't you try to bluff with this deus ex machina shit
It sounds contrived, really contrived, hey-hey

I'd love to believe you and take your tale to heart
But put it under any scrutiny, it falls apart
You said all the walls fell down, right? Would make the ceilin' fall as well
That makes sense, right?
Then how the hell did you not die?
I can't believe that your tale's true
It's just too much of a coincidence that worked for you
Let's get this straight, you happened to be in the centre exactly
And all the walls were the right height to miss you like some comedy
I'm sayin' no, I do abhor
When nothin' adds up, and I remember that you swore
That what you said is the truth, no speck of a lie
You've gone and stumbled
That was too hard of a try
Oh yes, cause, my, that sounds contrived
I think that Pinocchio would have a way easier time
Convincin' me that your fib was the truth and no bullshit
It sounds contrived, really contrived
Oh

If there's proof, though, then I'll be floored
Don't think there is now, since you said you failed to record
You're on your knees, beggin' me to believe your lies
But I'm no moron
I call bullcrap on your pile
Of steamin' lies cause they're contrived
Phone was out of charge so you couldn't film anythin', more lies
Maybe you should take your fibs and turn them into a script
But then you'll find reviews online
"That was contrived"