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Song Parodies -> "J-Lo Again, Naturally -- The Sequel"

Original Song Title:

"Alone Again, Naturally"

Original Performer:

Gilbert O'Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"J-Lo Again, Naturally -- The Sequel"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Catherine Zeta-Jones will never leave Michael Douglas -- okay, I accept that. Angelina Jolie will never leave Brad Pitt -- okay, I accept that. Jessica Alba will never leave Cash Warren -- okay, I accept that. Jennifer Lopez will never leave Marc Anthony -- okay, I... Wait a minute! I called it, 7 years ago, and it's finally come true! Well, the her leaving part, anyway.
In a little while from now
after I've had my chow
I promised myself to treat myself
to the girl who makes my heart go "POW!"
I climbed up to the top
of the paper, I don't scoff
and I read it through
and I see, it's true!
She has broken her commitment!
She's shown there on the page
and I gauge that she's lost interest
for longtime guy, she's become shy
so now I got chance at this!
I loved her much back then.
Could I be her new boyfriend?
J-Lo again, naturally.

To think that only yesterday
Dark Angel threw me away
looking forward, more, to "Fantastic Four"
the invisible role she'd play.
And Alanis Morrisette
said, "Out, boy, you gotta get!
And you oughta know that you gotta go!"
and hooked up with MC Souleye.
"Don't speak," said Gwen Stefani.
Should I get Miranda Cosgrove?
'Cause it would seem she's just 18.
A little young for such love.
And in my hour of need
for whom does my heart bleed?
J-Lo again, naturally.

It seems to me that there are more chicks
laughing in the world
at me so horny.
Dilemma thorny.
What will I do? Who will I do?

(instrumental break)

J-Lo again, naturally.

And looking back over the years
at each woman who disappears
I remember how I sobbed
when old Douglas robbed
me of Catherine whom I held so dear.
And at 71 years old
Raquel Welch, bless her soul
still looks better than teenyboppers can
but four times by her, forsaken
leaving me to start with a heart so badly shattered.
And Tara Reid's not what I need.
Won't fool with girl that's splattered.
But since Marc Anthony
cheated, now she's back with me!
J-Lo again, naturally!

J-Lo again!
Four the record, Raquel has been married 4 times. I considered updating this before: "Don't speak, said of young girls -- should I switch to Emmy Rossum? 'Cause it would seem she's just 19, too soon for love to blossom." ... "Should I switch to young miss Jo-Jo? 'Cause it would seem she's 17, so is she legal? Oh, no!" But, like CZJ, J-Lo is almost exactly the same age I am. And since she doesn't go for old men, I thought, maybe... yeah, right. As soon as she reads "The Most Wonderful Dame With That Rear," I'll have as much chance with her as one of her dancers.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   2

User Comments

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Old Man Ribber - July 18, 2011 - Report this comment
Michael - Marc Anthony seems to have terrible luck with women... first Cleopatra and now this. Good luck and good hunting. I don't think the Carrie Fisher thing is going to work out for me. Aside from my politics, the problem is that, at 5'11", I'm just too tall! Paul Simon didn't have either of these handicaps ;D
Patrick - July 18, 2011 - Report this comment
Another one who got away. I try writing love poetry, but my stuff tends to be a bit too cynical. Once, though, a lady I was working with received an unexpected bouquet of flowers. She didn't quite know how to respond, so, playing the public scribe role I occasionally asked to fulfill, I wrote her a poem to send to the fellow. They later married.

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