In a little while from now
when I'm finished eating my chow
I promised myself to treat myself
to the girl who makes my heart go "POW!"
I climbed up to the top, but she threw me right off
in an effort to make it clear, it's true
that I'm fearful of commitment
left lying on the bed with a head that's very dizzy.
My God, those rocks that Jenny's got
they've got her in a tizzy.
I loved her much back then
but who wants to be "just friends"?
J-Lo again, naturally.

To think that only yesterday
a Spice Girl threw me away
looking forward to her soccer boy's new 'do
and it serves her right that he can't play.
And Alanis Morrisette
said, "Out, boy, you gotta get!
And you oughta know that you gotta go!"
Gwen Stefani's words were sim'lar.
"Don't speak," she said "of young girls!"
Should I go for Kiera Knightley?
'Cause it would seem she's just 19.
So is she legal? Slightly.
And in my hour of need
for whom does my heart bleed?
J-Lo again, naturally.

It seems to me that there are more chicks
laughing in the world
at me so horny, dilemma thorny.
What will I do? Who will I do?

(instrumental break)

J-Lo again, naturally.

And looking back over the years
at each woman who disappears
I remember how I sobbed
when that Douglas robbed
me of Catherine whom I held so dear.
And at 64 years old
Raquel Welch, bless her soul
still looks better than teenyboppers can
but I've been thrice by her forsaken
leaving me to start with a heart so badly shattered.
And Britney Spears downed 14 beers.
Won't fool with girl that's splattered.
But when Marc Anthony
cheats on her, she's back with me!
J-Lo again, naturally.

J-Lo again, naturally.