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Song Parodies -> "J-Lo Again, Naturally"

Original Song Title:

"Alone Again, Naturally"

Original Performer:

Gilbert O'Sullivan

Parody Song Title:

"J-Lo Again, Naturally"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

This is one of those songs that just demands to be parodied. This is the third time I've filled that demand, tying "Piano Man" for my "most-honored" song -- though I'm about to "wreck" another one for the third time. In "The Most Wonderful Dame With That Rear," I called Jennifer Lopez "a Latin Marilyn Monroe." Turns out she's closer to a Latin Liz Taylor,a nd she'll soon find out that Marc Anthony is a Latin Eddie Fisher -- a.k.a. Mr. Liz IV -- and that refers to the low quality of bothhis singing and his fidelity. Look on the bright side (the bride side?): Marilyn only lived to be 36, and Liz is still alive at twice that and change, and J-Lo's got a better bod than either had at her current age of 34.
In a little while from now
when I'm finished eating my chow
I promised myself to treat myself
to the girl who makes my heart go "POW!"
I climbed up to the top, but she threw me right off
in an effort to make it clear, it's true
that I'm fearful of commitment
left lying on the bed with a head that's very dizzy.
My God, those rocks that Jenny's got
they've got her in a tizzy.
I loved her much back then
but who wants to be "just friends"?
J-Lo again, naturally.

To think that only yesterday
a Spice Girl threw me away
looking forward to her soccer boy's new 'do
and it serves her right that he can't play.
And Alanis Morrisette
said, "Out, boy, you gotta get!
And you oughta know that you gotta go!"
Gwen Stefani's words were sim'lar.
"Don't speak," she said "of young girls!"
Should I go for Kiera Knightley?
'Cause it would seem she's just 19.
So is she legal? Slightly.
And in my hour of need
for whom does my heart bleed?
J-Lo again, naturally.

It seems to me that there are more chicks
laughing in the world
at me so horny, dilemma thorny.
What will I do? Who will I do?

(instrumental break)

J-Lo again, naturally.

And looking back over the years
at each woman who disappears
I remember how I sobbed
when that Douglas robbed
me of Catherine whom I held so dear.
And at 64 years old
Raquel Welch, bless her soul
still looks better than teenyboppers can
but I've been thrice by her forsaken
leaving me to start with a heart so badly shattered.
And Britney Spears downed 14 beers.
Won't fool with girl that's splattered.
But when Marc Anthony
cheats on her, she's back with me!
J-Lo again, naturally.

J-Lo again, naturally.
Come on, Jennifer, get rid of him. To paraphrase the great comedian Rita Rudner, do you really want your kids to spend every other weekend with that bum?

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   1

User Comments

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Robert J. Pagliaro - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
And speaking of Raquel Welch, check out the movie Fathom - made around the time of the "Flint" flicks, she's in a teeny weeny green bikini. Love Jen's Lopez but I lived for Farrah in my teens.
Meriadoc - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Do you EVER parody a subject I'm familiar with? That's okay, I kind of followed it. Don't know why the lower pacing votes on this one - the pacing is spot on. "So is she legal? Slightly." - great line! :-)
alvin rhodes - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
naturally, i'm givin' ya 5s for this
Michael Pacholek - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
I'm trying, Merry, but so far, my LOTR tribute "We Must Defend the Shire" isn't getting anywhere. Shows what happens when I'm the one not familiar. Maybe you can start a fire under it.
Johnny D - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
5's for you.

10's for her:
Arwen - July 07, 2004 - Report this comment
Mister Pacholek...I don't know this I didn't vote...didn't comment...but...OH MY HELL...why haven't you stopped by my Luka parody yet?!?! I dedicated an entire verse to you...sheesh! We are SO in a fight now. (but if you really did write an lotr parody, i might forgive you...but i'm not holding my breath this i'm still holding it for my hamlet request)
Frank - July 08, 2004 - Report this comment
This stinks. The lyrics are dumb, and pacing's a little off.
Yet Another Dutchman - December 06, 2005 - Report this comment
555. All right, no more, no more! You made your point: you're desperate. Still, this is a roller coaster of good rhyming and comedy timing.
Arwen - March 17, 2006 - Report this comment
How funny...I came back to this parody, thinking I'd never read it...and viola...I have been here before...and I was yelling at Mr. Pacholek. Interesting. He's used to it by now...that's why he loves me so much.
Michael Pacholek - July 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Happy 37th birthday to Jennifer Lopez. So far, she hasn't had reason to dump that (expletive deleted) husband of hers. And he's an (expletive deleted) for more than just the same reason Catherine Zeta-Jones' husband is. I suppose I could update a line: "Should I switch to Emmy Rossum? 'Cause it would seem she's just 19, too soon for love to blossom."

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