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Song Parodies -> "Richard Third the King"

Original Song Title:

"Bobby Brown Goes Down"

Original Performer:

Frank Zappa

Parody Song Title:

"Richard Third the King"

Parody Written by:

Susanna Viljanen

The Lyrics

After the discovery of the skeleton of Richard III of England under a Leicester, UK, parking lot I just felt compelled to write this spoof
Hey there, people, I'm Richard Third
I'm sure most of you must my name have heard
They say I was a crook and it sure is no wonder
that Shakespeare guy committed - libel and slander
But the truth will sure win in the end
My bones, they were found and while my spine was bent
I never had a hump and my arm was alright
I walked my head tall and I - wasn't knave but knight!

Oh God I am the last Plantagenet
The world did me wrong, can you imagine it?
And I am one handsome son of a gun
In the Late Medieval England which was not that fun!
(Wars of the Roses, Wars of the Roses)

My brother, King Ed, died all in sudden
his young boys were yet but budding
I swore to protect them and see them over
when I brought the kids to the castle of Tower
But my brother was a lecher
They were bastards, said the high-rank preacher
So they made me a king but then Stafford deceived me
I'm quite sure he killed my nephews, that treacherous cheater

Oh God I am the last Plantagenet
I'm alone now in this world, can you imagine it
I have bad scoliosis
And my son and wife they died - from tuberculosis
(Wars of the Roses, Wars of the Roses)

And then came up this Henry Tudor guy
He wanted my throne, and he wanted me die
Raised my army and fought him manly
But then I got deceived by that William Stanley
So I raised my flag high and charged Henry's host
I fought like a lion and I did almost
kill that Tudor upstart, but I have one remorse -
I never said those words "My kingdom for horse!"

Oh God I am the last Plantagenet
The Tudors trashed my name, can you imagine it?
They described me as devil's spawn -
But their own deeds do speak, yes on their own
Oh God, oh God, I did die like a man
With my crown on my head and warhammer on hand
But I'm Richard Third the King -
Hear me now, as my story I'll sing

But I'm Richard Third the King -
Hear me now, as my story I'll sing
But I'm Richard Third the King -
Hear me now, as my story I'll sing
But I'm Richard Third the King -
Hear me now, as my story I'll sing

I knew you'd be surprised...

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 7

Voting Breakdown

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    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Barry J. Mitchel - February 06, 2013 - Report this comment
This shows careful historical research and fine poetry so quickly composed.
The Security Code for this comment is JFK -- another short-lived leader!
Rob Arndt - February 06, 2013 - Report this comment
I agree- fine work-555! I think they are doing a facial reconstruction based on the skeletal remains, but such news does not concern me (sorry). I would like to know what is being done with the German electronic sub anchor secret weapon from WW2 that is still operating and remains in position. That thing is 200' long and 25' wide with aerials and sits 1985 ft from where it was dropped! So far, not even a German designation. I laugh at all the historians and people who believe that conspiracies are BS b/c no way Germany could hide the building of Hitler's submarine or something BIG like this and keep it a secret! Oh yeah? Well then please tell me about the German disc craft that were built that the US denied for 50 years and then admitted? Why don't they release all the information for them and the proven German "Foo Fighter" (classified in US Intel as PHOO BOMB) machines? The latter were witnessed by 100s of Allied airmen from Nov '44-Aug '45 in both theaters due to tech transfers by U-boat! King Richard III doesn't interest me at all, but excellent work as usual Susanna :)
Old Man Ribber - February 06, 2013 - Report this comment
Susanna - "Now is the winter of our discontent" until I read this. "My kingdom for"...this parody! ;D
Rob Arndt - February 06, 2013 - Report this comment
My apologies Susanna for running on in this thread about unrelated topics. The sub anchor is in your area in the Baltic is all. Got sidetracked with many ideas at once. I know TMI. Please excuse me :(
Susanna Viljanen - February 07, 2013 - Report this comment
Thank you you liked my song :-) I was thinking should I use this or Henry the Eighth as the basis, but I thought the Zappa song provided better basis.

It appears Shakespeare has lied all along on Richard III. While we don't know whether he really killed his nephews or not, it is more likely Henry Stafford murdered them. The only ones to benefit from their death would have been Stafford and Henry Tudor, while Richard would not: his own son was already moribund from tuberculosis, and he had no heirs on his own, so killing them would have created a crisis of succession and civil war. It is likely Shakespeare has intentionally lied.

It is hard to think of more unfortunate era to be a ruler of England than late Middle Ages. I hope the earthly remains of Richard Plantagenet will finally receive a decent Christian funeral and a peaceful place to rest.
Patrick - February 07, 2013 - Report this comment
I remember seeing the play at the annual Kansas City Shakespeare Festival. Also the movie version set in a fictitious 1930's fascist England. A friend of mine says he just learned from a genealogist that he may be descended from an illegitimate son of Richard III. He said I should bow to him because he is royalty. I said, no, you're just a bastard from a long time past.
2Eagle - February 07, 2013 - Report this comment
They paved Richard's grave and put up a parking lot. Maybe they caught him shopping at Wal Mart.
Phil Alexander - February 10, 2013 - Report this comment
Susanna - rather than saying "Shakespeare lied", it's more likely that he was following what was the accepted story at the time, a story that Henry VII showed a very shrewd grasp of what we'd now call PR to make what happened seem more legitimate. After all, Shakespeare wasn't born until 80 years afterwards.

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