The Supremo Man came over
And said, "You're mostly right"
And he said with a nominal compromise
You'll win this Commerce Clause fight
If I was ready willing and able
To call a penalty a tax
He'd curb expansion via Commerce Claus
But ACA wouldn't get the axe

And I said "Look here, Roberts"
Who you jivin' with this SCOTUS decree
Now who you jivin' with this SCOTUS decree
And I said "Look now, Roberts"
Don't you foist this tax on me

The Supremo Man got nervous
Said "Court's integ'rty I must defend"
Then he reached in the pocket of his judicial robe
And brought out his writing pen
Now I thought he'd just interpret
On the proper bounds he'd rule
But he told me right there as he flipped off the cap
There was nothing his pen couldn't do
With a disdain for jurisprudence
And a smooch to Obam's wazoo
He said, "You might not believe it, little wingnut"
But I've made a tax by judicial review

And I said, "Look, Judge Roberts"
Who you jivin' with this SCOTUS decree
Now who you jivin' with this SCOTUS decree
Look Judge Roberts
Don't you foist a tax on me

"But you've caused new problems", I said
Now they can tax to the nth degree
Can they pass legislations with tax implications
If I don't want to buy broccoli?
But I have the rewrite pen, he said
As he held it to the light
But I snatched it away from him
And showed him how to do it right

(Break to frantic uptempo narration)

I'd look to the plain text of the law
And see that it's a penalty
Then I'd look at the Commerce Clause
Ask, "Does it allow for this decree"
Can "commerce" mean "compelled to buy"
Is that interpretation unsound
Is this what Framers had in mind
If not, then The Mandate goes down
Wouldn't give a damn about my legacy
Because of something Obama said
He's not the last word on that anyway
Cause in four months, his legacy's dead

So look John Roberts
Who you jivin' with that SCOTUS decree
Now is this an Art I tax or a SCOTUS tax?
You know, you've caused more chaos than a bomb throwing anarchist
So don't you foist that tax on me
Don't foist that tax on me