Face like Marilyn Monroe
Body like Bridgette Bardot
Swear I could have blown a point-three-oh
My common sense out the window
Beautiful woman said she'd take me home

And my friends all laughed
And my friends all laughed
Ho ho!
Ho ho!
They tried to stop me, said "Don't go!"
"Keep your senses, you don't want to go"

Well I turned around and I said "Poor Joe" (Joe)
Well I turned around and I said "Poor Joe" (Joe)
Well I turned around and I said "Hey Joe"
"You're just jealous that you can't go"
And I went. In the morning I said:

"Looked across from my pillow. So sorry but I got to go"
"Looked across from my pillow. So sorry but I got to go"

(At the bar last night people)
A fine lady (who was in a beer commercial) [Miller Commercial]
Had the unmitigated audacity to sit down next to my barstool (peekaboo)
And she started into flirtin' and getting it on with me
With some pushed-up cleavage

I said, with some
Pushed UP
With some pushed up cleavage
They said, "peekaboo"
I said, with some
Pushed Up
With some pushed up cleavage
They said, "peekaboo"

They went right up on the bar and bought me another round
That's right "whap!" should have seen that cleavage, and
They bought me another round and another round, and
That got me just about as drunken as any horney slob can be.
So I bought rounds and I reached down, and I looked down and I gathered up a generous
handful of the beautiful (Hooter Row)

The beautiful hooter row, that's right where I wanted to go

Whereupon she proceeded to take me into her house and the Beautiful Hooter Row
Stood before me, right before my greedy little eyes and with a vigorous
Ever sweet loving motion hitherto unknown to the people of this area, but destined
To take the place of porn films starring Ron Jeremy
Here it goes,the loving motion, now love it!

And then
In a fit of sickness I.........
passed out

Couldn't go again

Great googly moogly!

I dropped down cold on her bed

And she fell
Right next to me

Well in the morning I was scared, as you can understand
And rightly so, because the
Morning sunlight and hangover
Showed her true form

And I stood up, and I looked around, and I said

"Oh not me!"
"Oh not me"
"oh, woe is me"
"Don't wanna see"

"well.....I wish
I could see
Nothin'"

"She had a flat-chest, beer belly and a patch over one eye
"She had a wooden leg, acne, and a smell that could kill a fly
I had to be sneeky
I mean very sneeky
And go out the door you see
Very Quietly