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Song Parodies -> "Terror School Dropout"

Original Song Title:

"Beauty School Dropout"

Original Performer:

Frankie Avalon

Parody Song Title:

"Terror School Dropout"

Parody Written by:

Kristof Robertson

The Lyrics

Nobody ever said Jihad was easy
Your story's sad to hear;
In Helmand, they all jeer
Coz as a suicider, you're no good
Your future is emergin'
No heaven-promised virgins
Can't even get that shoe-bomb on your foot...

Allah-la-la, allah-la-la

Terror school dropout
No happy martyrdom for you
Terror school dropout
Don't tell the Taliban you're half-Jew!
Your Koran is gath'rin' loadsa dust
Coz although you know you oughtta
Study how to kill the infidel
You pre-fer Harry Potter!

Ali, you're tryin' (better keep tryin')
To lead a good extremist life
Why are you cryin'? (wailin' and cryin'?)
You just got beat your WIFE?
Now your effigies ain't burnin'
And you're lookin' like a fool
Turn in your IEDs and get out of Kabul...

Terror school dropout
Hangin' around the mosque all day
Terror school dropout
You only came for the buffet!
Well, you told us you could grow a beard
That was a load of hokum
Coz I think that we would find more hair
On Justin Bieber's scrotum!

Ali, stop sweatin' (stop sweatin')
You'll give the game away, f'sure
Are you regrettin' (regrettin')
You won't need airmiles anymore?
Now you've chickened out, because you doubt
That Allah thinks you're cool
All this warmongering's a big pile of Ka-bul

Ali, you blew it
Now you'll forever warm the bench
You couldn't do it
Dude, are you quite sure you're not French?
Well, you missed the flight, you dumb shiite
And that's the reason why
You won't be going to that orgy in the sky

Terror school dropout...get out of Kabul

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 17

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   17

User Comments

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Phil Alexander - July 14, 2010 - Report this comment
:-D Utterly fantastic, K (though would the guys in Kabul have any idea who Justin Bieber is?)
WarrenB - July 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Lots of great lines here, and inspired choice of one of my faves from Grease. LOL!
Matthias - July 14, 2010 - Report this comment
I didn't know that terrorists had a school... But I guess that makes sense. Welcome back Kristof great reference to Justin Beiber, I hate that kid
Chemical Romance Ali - July 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Fantastickle'y funny and Allahta skill on display here, Senor Kristoffasanburg!
Bilbopooh - July 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Ha! One case where you're better off flunking out. Very well written. Kinda reminds me of "American Dreamz"...
Mark Scotti - July 14, 2010 - Report this comment
That was HILARIOUS!!! 555 virgins NOT waiting for him...
Andy Primus - July 14, 2010 - Report this comment
No bombing with this parody - LOL @ French line
Old Man Ribber - July 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Splendid job! From the same original musical, how about "Look At Me, I'm Achmed Ali"! ;D
MasonR - July 14, 2010 - Report this comment
Brilliant choice of OS to spoof! The Justin Bieber line had me rolling.
Phil Alexander - July 14, 2010 - Report this comment
OMR - or "You're the one with the bomb".. "Hopelessly Exploded".. and, of course, "Sandy".. oh, the possibilities are endless :-)
Fiddlegirl - July 14, 2010 - Report this comment
You "Mecca" me laugh!!! (Agree with Andy P.-- the line about the French was especially funny.) :)
Tommy Turtle - July 15, 2010 - Report this comment
Crypo-security geek Bruce Schneier has blogged repeatedly about how basically inept these people are. (I mean, geniuses don't apply for these jobs, you know.) Although his columns are quite informative, yours was much funnier! ... Since no one else cited it, I'll go for "dumb shiite". 555, and sorry you missed your plug today.
Tommy Typo - July 15, 2010 - Report this comment
"Crypto", as in "cryptography" (the study of codes and ciphers, not of crypts, though both have the same root, meaning secret, concealed, etc.) @#$% flippers!
Kristof Robertson - July 15, 2010 - Report this comment
Many thanks to Phil, Warren, Matty, CRAli, Bilbo, Mark, Andy, OMR, Mason, Fiddlegirl and TT for taking the time to read, vote and comment on my semi-annual parody. OMR and Phil have come up with some great titles for a fundamentalist musical; if anyone wants to run with those ideas, go for it! we might be able to amalgamate them and get the whole shebang on Broadway and the West End....see y'all next time!
AFW - July 15, 2010 - Report this comment
Humorous idea expertly forged
Kristof Robertson - September 29, 2010 - Report this comment
UPDATE: Phil and I performed this last Sunday at a rrrants poetry evening at the Camden Eye pub in north London. With less than ten minutes rehearsal, it drew laughs from an appreciative audience of beat poets, street poets etc etc. Keep an eye on the rrrants website to hopefully see video evidence.
MasonR - February 12, 2012 - Report this comment
Just a wee bit late to the game's been a while...anyway this is amazing. As always.

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