I don't think it's funny, no feeling inside
Yeah, you didn't notice, you must be *that* wide
You got impatient, I won't repeat what you said
I panicked and used a broom handle instead

Whether you realized, well, I was in doubt
'cause as soon as you finished you simply passed out
Yes, you were that drunk and I don't mean to joke
Thought you'd've forgotten before you awoke

But now you tell everybody
That it is *this* long
My pubic hair is scratchy,
Points back from my dong

It's not that I mind
Well, yes, I do mind
That you put down in words
And stuck in on Facebook and told the whole world


If I was a sculptor... no, I'm not that dumb
Or a plastic surgeon (the kind I get emails from)
I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do
You're after my shlong and you're wanting round two

But now you tell everybody
It's two whole feet long
Look, are you so damn simple
You can't see you're wrong

I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
If it isn't good
That I really mean it when I say I've got wood

I hope you go blind
I hope you go blind
Before our next date
Or maybe I'll leave you and mas...