He was a wrinkled old man; he had thirty-three grandsons
And she was certainly a biddy
She helped him up when he fell down square dancin'
In the large retirement facility
He had a rusty set of dentures; couldn't chew his food
I'd say he was toothless. But that would be crude
They had one thing in common; they were good as dead
They said, "Eh, whatever." And they both went back to bed

Life in the rest home
Surly folks who lose their minds
Life in the rest home

Are you ditzy, slow-car?

Eager for Lactaid; Hot for BenGay
The chronic low back pain; the gripe of the day
They knew all the right doctors; they took all the right pills
And they vote for whoever pays their medical bills
There were lines on the mirror where her face should be instead
She didn't seem to notice that her pants were on her head
Shout every evening until she was right
He was too deaf to hear her she was too old to bite about it

Life in the rest home
Shirley shakes and Lou is blind
Life in the rest home
Life in the rest home
Never sing; always whine
Life in the rest home

Glowing and burning; calling a nurse
"I think I'm gonna flatline; my lumbago's gettin worse"
She said, "Listen baby, I'm concerned about Irene;
She's been up and down this hallway, ain't complained about a thing."
He said, "Call the doctor. Oh, I think that I have gas."
"The doctor say he's golfing. But he'll gladly bill your ass."
He went rushing to the bathroom, messed around and got lost
He didn't care he just made pie and wandered off and it was

Life in the rest home
Surly folks who lose their minds
Life in the rest home