A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How in L.A. the car culture boomed.
When you could fix a beat-up Ford
With rusted body and floorboards,
Then join the hot-rodders and surfer dudes.

You once could cruise Wilshire Bou-levard
And never see a fake "GT-R".
We still liked old-school muscle;
Provided enough hustle.

But then around the late '80s
It came like infectious disease,
When fast cars all were....Japanese?
The invasion of Rice.

So why, why have the cars all been riced?
Does it truly make them cool? If
so I'd like to know why.
And most of them are never gonna look nice
Because now it's all just Japanese rice,
Now it's all just Japanese rice.

Have you seen what guys install,
When they hit Radio Shack in the mall?
There's a big "I told you so"...
Well, do you believe that a stereo
Is the best way for people to go?
'Cause their car's still going to be slow...

Well, some go about it different ways
[Whether] with bodykits or nitrous spray
And some, superficial,
With big sponsorship decals...

You were a high school student, with good luck
And your parents bought you a Toyota truck
It cost about $6,000 bucks
And was already riced.

You were singing,
"My, my, this Toyota's divine.
Spent the money for some 20's
And some pink neon lights.
And 12-inch subs that I can turn way up high
And I'll raise some skirts at Cool Import Nites,
Raise some skirts at Cool Import Nites."

Now after ten years, a new Nissan Z;
This time it's called the 350.
But that's not what it used to be...
In the '70s it was real high-class,
(Didn't need the decorative fiberglass.)
Now they use the Z most for drifting...

Oh, but while the tuners cruised the town,
The LAPD called a lockdown.
The ricers split and fled
Several were arrested.
And so teenagers scrambled like mad
To get home to their Mom and Dad,
Who didn't know their kids were bad
Because their cars were riced.

I started thinking,
My, my, that Integra's been riced.
It's a Type R, carbon fiber,
With a wing two feet high.
And meets illegally at Cool Import Nites
Saying, "Gonna have a hella good time.
Gonna have a hella good time."

Helter-skelter, run for some shelter
Here comes a police interceptor;
Siren on and coming fast...
They take off in their sport compacts;
Their NOS flames set fire to the grass
And the cops come,
'cause the street race caused a crash.

Now hear the defense from the ricer crowd
They like their fart cans, like 'em loud.
With kits of fiberglass
You're *much* harder to pass!
Oh, and racing stripes are quite nifty
(Increase horsepower by fifty)
I'd say that "fact"'s a bit iffy...
...Time to make fun of Rice.

We started singing,
Hi, hi, Mr. Toyota guy,
Is your Celica so delicate
You have to run light?
That spoiler's big enough to make it take flight.
Saying, What a waste of money and time,
What a waste of money and time.

Oh, and there we were all at the race,
An orange Supra set the pace
A clone of that from "FnF"...
So come on, why'd ya copy Paul Walker, fool?
Does that really make your car cool?
...Or has that fart can muffler made you deaf?

Oh, you raced a black Honda Civic
(Fast and Furious, oh yes it is)
Thought that you'd be a star?
You posed off Vin Diesel's car!
And, as you raced against the Supra guy
You over-revved it way too high.
Blew up your car, and you know why --
The big weakness of rice.

I was singing,
Ha ha! Doesn't that Honda rock.
Cracked some bracing while you're racing;
Put a rod through the block
And dare I say that it's a bit of a shock
When your VTEC's reduced to a doorstop,
VTEC's reduced to a doorstop...

I saw the Import Tuner mag;
...Somebody riced a brand-new Jag
And I just winced and turned the page.
And I went down to the Wal-Mart store
Where I'd bought driving games times before
Now it seems they're
All just illegal street race.
And in the streets, the oddest sight;
A right-hand-drive Nissan Skyline.
And at 7-Eleven,
A riced-out RX7.
And the three cars that I love the most,
The Mustang, Vette, and Camaro,
I've seen them too at import shows --
And yes, they too were riced.

And we were screaming,
Nyet, nyet, these people are all wet!
I'll forgive a riced-out Civic
but please, not a Corvette!
It has to be the ugliest thing I've seen yet.
I say, good taste is what these folks don't get,
Good taste is what these folks don't get.

We were pleading,
Why, why, must the cars all be riced?
Is it scary? Necessary?
Do you think it looks nice?
It's half the style; more than double the price!
I say, Friends just don't
let their friends drive Rice!