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Song Parodies -> "My Elf Crush is Bi"

Original Song Title:

"American Pie"

Original Performer:

Don McLean

Parody Song Title:

"My Elf Crush is Bi"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

i wrote this a LONG time ago, when i'd just barely started to develop my LOTR obsession (leaving behind a vin diesel fetish i'd had) and was looking up info online. since that time, the interview with andre schneider has been proven to be fake, and the gay porn rumors have been it's not really valid anymore...but it still makes me you go.
Not so long ago
I can still remember
How that elf used to make me smile
And I liked the way he held his bow
Orlando's his alter-ego
I thought he'd make me happy for a while
But February made me wonder
A lie he might be hiding under
Bad news on the internet
I thought that we were all set
His gay friend Andre's interview
Delivered the most disturbing news
I can't believe this could be true
But here's the scoop for you

My, my, I think my elf crush is Bi
Andre says he's a good kisser
Now I ask myself why
Should I believe what he says
Or should I just let it fly?
He's hot so yeah I think I'll give it a try
I really like him so I'll give it a try

But then I got curious
Couldn't let it rest, had to look it up
Just to set the record straight
Now, can you believe it, could it be?
Gay porn in his filmography
I can't believe that this is news to me
Well it's not like I'm in love with him
But I've even considered moving on from Vin
Now rest assured, he likes girls, too
So tell me, what am I supposed to do?
I gave up Vin Diesel to explore this guy
When his elven archer went and caught my eye
But I'll be true to Vin until the day I die
I'm sure, he's my only guy

My, my, I think my Elf crush is Bi
He won't confirm it or deny it
So I'll just say goodbye
Though I still think he's hot
I cannot let Gay Porn slide
So his chances with this girl have just died
Yes, his chances with me have just died

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.3
Overall Rating: 4.2

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   1
 3   0
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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Michael Pacholek - November 20, 2003 - Report this comment
Vin Diesel to Tolkein? Actually, that's an improvement...
Arwen - November 21, 2003 - Report this comment
we all have our guilty little pleasures...i will never be ashamed to deny it...
2nz - December 08, 2003 - Report this comment
You and my sister both. I need to remember not to let her read this. But then I think she has an understanding where she loves 'Legolas' Orlando but doesn't really care for regular Orlando. Anyway your not alone. Incidentally, I just came out with a LotR parody from Frodo's perspective.
pickle - January 15, 2004 - Report this comment
What a GIT to spread this tale!
Arwen - January 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Thanks, Pickle!!!
Janessa - April 12, 2004 - Report this comment
Burn in hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have no respect for Peter Jackson. You are a disgrace to this country and all Lord of the Rings fans. I'm not obsessed with it but my best friend is. So have fun in hell. I'll be down there to join you in a few decades, loser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Arwen - April 13, 2004 - Report this comment
LOL! Um...okay. I'm a loser. You're right. I'm not the one telling someone to "burn in hell" because they wrote a joke of a song about a rumor that they heard. And...what does Peter Jackson have to do with this in the first place? It's a parody about Orlando Bloom. Don't try to disguise your complete and utter devotion to OB and pretend it's about being a true and honest LOTR fan...because it's not about LOTR at all. Admit that. And well...whether or not you'll admit that you're obsessed (with orlando bloom) doesn't matter...because your comment is TOTALLY irrational, and really tells the tale. I, by the way, AM obsessed...with LOTR...I admit it. And I make no apologies.
Arwen - April 13, 2004 - Report this comment
Oh...and I also especially LOVE the part where I'm a disgrace to this country. That makes sense. I can really see where you're coming from. Thanks for a good laugh, Janessa!!
Sabrina - April 15, 2004 - Report this comment
hey they deleted my comment...dam
Arwen - April 15, 2004 - Report this comment
Yeah...Double Dam...especially if you were telling me to burn in hell!
Jessie - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh my God, people lay off her, for Christ's sake! >.< Buncha stupid squealy fangirls. If you don't like it, don't waste your time leaving a comment that will only be deleted! You don't have to go so far to say that she's a "disgrace to the country" or she should "burn in hell" just because she wrote a damn parody, for God's sake! That's way too immature. Buncha asswipes... I honestly can't believe all the guff these people are givin you. I thought it was hilarious. I'm a huge Orlando and Legolas fan and even I think this deserves a round of applause! I loved it!
Arwen - October 12, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks for getting my back, Jessie...; )
Tabby - January 14, 2006 - Report this comment
OMFG I love this its hilarious... Love it
An offended bisexual - April 30, 2006 - Report this comment
Michael Pacholek - November 20, 2006 - Report this comment
Hey, nobody talks to Arwen like that! Knock it off, or she'll use her mighty powers on you so that you'll only attract fat, ugly people of either gender!
Arwen - November 21, 2006 - Report this comment
It's true...I've done it before. Thanks, Mikey...=)
Paul Robinson - November 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Of course all of us here have long known, were "outed" a complete LOTR freak - quite some time ago. This was a pretty darned good early posting I fact, it would be a pretty darned good CURRENT posting for that matter. Too bad I can't get even the slightest bit interested in the 'Rings, but that's how things go sometimes...I'm sure there are plenty of things I think are great that you would grimace
Paul Robinson - November 21, 2006 - Report this comment
In fact, Arwen...this is something I've tried really hard to forget, but just yesterday I saw a VERY early video Tori Amos (my fav current artist...go figure) made BEFORE she was recording as Tori Amos -she put out an album a few years before "Little Earthquakes" called "Why Tori kant Read" and a blog had a YouTube video of it posted yesterday...AWFUL! I had to watch the whole thing just to see if there was some chance it would get better as it progressed...uh-uh...WORSE...much WORSE...actually embarrassing to watch...a VERY long 4+ minutes.
Gigls Arwen - May 21, 2013 - Report this comment
Well just round up. K Arwen I rounded up. were you there? Have a truck load of tea leaves dear. You need to go deliver a fatal message on your own.

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