Song Parodies -> "Bactine"

Original Song Title:

"Jolene"

Original Performer:

"Bactine"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Today's Bactine is a no-sting antiseptic spray, but it didn't used to be no-sting. Back in the 70's and earlier, before they changed the formula, this stuff stung like lava. This parody is about the earlier max-sting version of Bactine.

Bactine, Bactine, Bactine, Bactine
I'm begging of you please don't spray that can
Bactine, Bactine, Bactine, Bactine
Please don't spray that, buy a different brand

My duty is to loud declare
Your flaming pain to all, beware!
When sprayed on skin, you're burning gasoline
Your scent's an anticeptic thing
Your touch is sharp like scorpion's sting
And I cannot endure your pain
Bactine

My mom sprays you on wounds that seep
And there's nothing I can do but weep
From dying when she sprays your flame
Bactine

I'd rather die of sepsis than
To get sprayed from your evil can
When it feels like Satan's pissed on me
Bactine

Bactine, Bactine, Bactine, Bactine
I'm begging of you please don't spray that can
Bactine, Bactine, Bactine, Bactine
Please don't spray that, buy a different brand

Hide our boo-boos from our Mom
'Cause she'll be spraying this napalm
On ev'ry scrape and cut she sees
Bactine

The Geneva Convention banned
Your formula in every land
So kids today won't know your sting
Bactine

Bactine, Bactine, Bactine, Bactine
I'm begging of you please don't spray that can
Bactine, Bactine, Bactine, Bactine
Please don't spray, it's more than I can stand
Bactine, Bactine

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Worlds Most Interesting Parodist - November 04, 2022 - Report this comment

Oliver doesnt always post on Amiright, but when he does ...

Lennie Youngman - November 04, 2022 - Report this comment

Ever notice how you can use fake Russian names to make sexual puns? Now take "Oliver Clozoff" ... Please

callmeHenny - November 05, 2022 - Report this comment

I cant take Oliver Clozoff anywhere; she just puts em right back on

Patrick - November 10, 2022 - Report this comment

Bactine was a very common brand name in my childhood. Didn't know it was still around. This is very nicely paced and rhymed. Met a rude Russian the other day. All I did was ask his name and he said "Yuri Sunovavich". The Ukrainians captured a sailor from a sunken Russian ship. Seaman Yakov".

Icahn Sakharov - November 10, 2022 - Report this comment

Is mostest strange thing, Patrick. I come to America and I tell people I am Andrei Sakharov's younger brother, Icahn. And then they laugh and say "That is good one." ... And when I say, "What is good one, that I am Andrei's younger brother?" And they laugh some more and say, "You are real comedian."

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