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Song Parodies -> "Avon Man"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

David Bowie

Parody Song Title:

"Avon Man"

Parody Written by:

Below Average Dave

The Lyrics

Okay, I know this song was released way before I was born, and actually wearing make up and stuff the way he did when he did it made him likely take more crap than Twisted Sister, Kiss, Marilyn Manson and those who would follow combined (and frankly he kinda pulled the make up off as well as Pat Benatar looked at her peak). . .I just thought he could have put that make up knowledge to good use as a side job. Honestly, what woman wouldn't want make up tips from a man that can wear it that well-even if he is straight. I'm at
Driving Up
Driving Up

Heading for the doors he was drenched in cologne-oh-oogne
Selling lots of nice aloe oh-oh
Some red lip stick and bright blue eye shadow blush is rose, he said
Then a loud knock he always made-ade-ade
Some nights he’d have no voice from speaking all day-ay-ay
Next day he’d replay cause it’s how he pays his ride

The Avon-Man, yes he is a guy
He sounds like he’s a genius
But he looks like Betty White
The Avon Man always looking fine
His purse, can you please hold it
So he can grab a nail file
He told her
Red may make you bolder
Pink makes you look older
Just try something in between

He knows what women want so he sells to you –ooh-ooh
Gay? Got girls galore so that ain’t true! Ooh ooh
He walks so swishy that’s cause he wears high heel shoes
Unlock your front door cause he will not bite-ite-ite
He’ll make you glitter he’ll make you look just right ight ight
That David Bowie, he’s not afraid of the spot light

The Avon Man walking up the drive
It’s clear he always blushes
and he spends time on his eyes
The Avon Man, dressing to the nines
If you want it, he’s sold it
and he’ll apply it to your style
He told her:
Red makes your eyes smolder
Blue makes you look colder
Just use Black liner; you’ll be fine

Avon Man, coming in at nine
He’ll help you beat your wrinkles
and he’ll never steal a dime
The Avon Man-corsets on his mind
His breath, he sure can hold it
If he knows it’ll make you smile
He told her:
Gold may be too pricey
Bronze is just too sloopy
So go for silver ev’ry time

(As Avon Salesman David Bowie applies his make-up techniques to his customers, he la’s out the rest of the song)
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
This has been a Below Average Dave Production, All Rights Reserved

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.5
Overall Rating: 4.5

Total Votes: 11

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   8

User Comments

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Wendy Christopher - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Yaay - a BADave parody! I always look forward to those. :^) And this one's a cracker. David Bowie would have made a brilliant Avon man - he doesn't seem to be doing a lot these days, so maybe someone should have a word..? Anyway, it's a genius twist on the OS (and indeed The Bowie himself) with some smart and snappy lines... and I may even have learned a thing or two. ;^) Can't wait to hear your recording of it - until then, here's a 555.
AFW - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Yeah, we've had enough Avon ladies...could help the un-employment situation, as well...funny idea, well done.
Below Average Dave - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Thanks Wendy and AFW, I definitely had fun writing this one. . .:)
2Eagle - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
Will somebody tell those blondes who wear robin's egg blue eye shadow up to their eyebrows that should be outlawed.
Meriadoc - December 13, 2012 - Report this comment
I don't think Bowie considered himself strictly heterosexual. Anyway, very interesting concept here. "He spends time on his eyes" was a great line. Had to knock you down a point on pacing, however, as the last verse of the chorus "Let all the children boogie" is seven syllables and you kept using eight.
Below Average Dave - December 14, 2012 - Report this comment
Thank you 2Eagle and Meriadoc!
Agrimorfee - December 18, 2012 - Report this comment
Very funny, havent chuckled and guffawed like that in a while, particularly at "Betty White", much appreciated. Cool applications of colors (get it?) In the choruses.
Matthias - December 24, 2012 - Report this comment
I can relate to this one cause my mom sells Mary Kay and my sister sells Avon so I've been involved in the world of make up for a long time.
bobpiecheese - December 28, 2012 - Report this comment
(Artistry) TBH, when I read the opener, I was a bit worried that this parody may come off a bit offensive to transvestites, but thankfully I got an affectionate ribbing of the bizarreness that is Bowie instead. Great work here, Dave, simply fabulous. 555!
Rex - December 31, 2012 - Report this comment
Bowie as the Avon man? -- Perfect concept! Or I suppose he could work the women's wear section at Neiman's.
Syncronos - January 02, 2013 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Perfect concept my foot- that's downright scary! David Bowie knocking on my door to sell me eye shadow? *shudder* I'm not scared of clowns, but this has me shook...5s
Meriadoc - January 02, 2013 - Report this comment
(Artistry) Not one of your better ones, Dave, but still had some funny lines and was an interesting concept.
Peregrin - January 03, 2013 - Report this comment
I liked this parody, Bad-man! You know, Bowie wasn't nearly as scary if you grew up with him (so to speak). My mum always said "he was evil". LOL
glen s - January 04, 2013 - Report this comment
Indeed very funny and scary. Premise was the Kickers for me. Nice work BAD. Especially liked ' comes in at nine/wont steal a dime'.

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