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Song Parodies -> "Hey Guys, This Song Sucks"

Original Song Title:

"Sometimes When We Touch"

Original Performer:

Dan Hill

Parody Song Title:

"Hey Guys, This Song Sucks"

Parody Written by:

Red Ant

The Lyrics

DKTOS? Consider yourself lucky. If you know TOS, you know exactly why this was written.
{sung to Dan Hill}
You sing a sappy rock tune
It will choke out nearby life
I'd rather see a llama sh*t
Than to hear this cliche tripe

And who am I to slam you?
A guy who sings in tune!
I'm only just beginning
You'll hope this ends... soon!

{sung to everyone}
And hey guys, this song sucks
It honestly just sucks
Well it seems he has no balls - or pride

More annoying than a mime
So it gets shot down in rhyme
I wanna throw up
(e)ven this parody - should die!

{singing to Dan Hill}
You sing with lack of energy
As you're forcing out these lines
And spewing out inanity
That violates sane minds

It doesn't take a genius
(Or) a Sherlock Holmes type-sleuth
I hate to be a penis
But here's the simple truth:

{Sung to everyone}
Dan Hill's song just sucks!
No amnesty for us!
It's so torturous and dry - no lie!

I'm gonna tear out both my eyes
If I hear it one more time
I'm not alone, no
Universally - despised!

His song goes on forever
(At least that's how it seems)
And in this pop endeavor
He whines on endlessly

It's verbal diahrrea
If you think those words are cruel
(I'd) rather have gonorrhea
Than to listen to this fool!

And then you think it's over
You're shouting out "Amen!"
But then your head it lowers
'cause it's the chorus once again!

[repeat chorus - either one - I'll spare you
the trauma of remembering the ENTIRE song]
copyright 2006+ Jack "Red Ant" Fletcher

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.8
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 20

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   17

User Comments

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Johnny D - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL, Red Ant, yeeee-HAW !!

Ever hear of the human potential training program called "Lifespring"? I am not a graduate of "Lifespring", but I remember seeing a documentary about it on TV years ago ... apparently they use the song "Sometimes When We Touch" in their training.

(Googled "Lifespring" and "Sometimes When We Touch":)


[COMMENT: After lunch, and after sharing about the mirror concept, an important exercise takes place that further encourages the breakdown of ego boundaries.]

Three of 3 "behavior" subjects (100%) and 15 of 15 "experiencel" subjects (100%) referred to this exercise as the "hug line". It is a very long exercise. One subject said "It seemed to go on forever-and we wanted it to go on forever!" The group forms two concentric circles. Each participant must look his or her partner in the eye, and signal with one, two, three, or four fingers. One stands for no greeting; two, eye contact only; three, a handshake; and four, a hug. Participants are instructed to observe their internal reactions to the vote itself and to feelings of rejections and fears of rejecting others. Above all, participants are told to be "honest." They are encouraged to risk by going to people they've been hiding from. "Sometimes When We Touch" is the song played over the sound system.
2nz - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Wow, just by reading about Lifespring I feel damaged. I second this one Jack.
Johnny D - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Ooops, I forgot to give credit to the author of that material I found on it is:


An excerpt from "The Politics of Transformation: Recruitment - Indoctrination Processes In a Mass Marathon Psychology Organization"
alvin rhodes - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
oh how much i agree...thank you for this...this tune is rated # 3 on my all time hate list
Stephen Harrington - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
DKTOS, but you've 5s anyway, since it's very funny and you parodied a song you really hate and made it work.
Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
DKTOS and I consider myself more than lucky, I consider myself warned.
Dee Range - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
If this OS was sap, maple syrup would be cheap. Great description of Dan Hill's worst song. I used to walk around grocery stores where this was playing, singing "Sometimes when I gag...."
carol - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
LOL This was good and well done. Keep it up 555
AFW - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Always like the melody, but thought it deserved better lyrics...and you've supplied them, here..555
Ravyn Rant - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Thank you. This is classic. 555 God, but I hate TOS!
Stuart McArthur - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
that chorus DOES keep repeating on us doesn't it! - great send-up Red Ant - although I might choose better organs to tear out than my eyes - and LOL on the llama shit! - 555
Rick C - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
I agree with your sentiments and, everyone else's here. Only, I think this OS is number one on my list of Can't Stand 'Ems.555
Adagio - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
At least this one I know, in all it's nauseating going-on-forever. I hope it doesn't get stuck in my mind now. =:o 5's and you could have said worse and got away with it.....
Tim Hall - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
The honesty is NEVER too much, especially in this parody.
Larry Hensley - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
Great job parodying one of those songs that never end.
Tommy Turtle - April 11, 2006 - Report this comment
All these OSs of yours that I DK, and I do in fact know this one... "lucky" me.. (sigh)... figures... "llama sh*t" - vivid imagery... Woe unto the inane OS bitten by the Red Ant. 555
Red Ant - April 12, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks Johnny D, 2nz, Alvin, Step-chan, Peter, Dee, Carol, AFW, Ravyn, Stu, Rick C, Pat, Tim, Larry and TT.

Johnny D: What they failed to mention is holding up both hands was the symbol for "Shoot me, I can't take this song anymore!". Never heard of Lifespring, but it appears that word is synonymous with torture and brainwashing.

2nz: Yeah, it creeeped me out too.

Alvin: You're welcome, and I'd love to know what is #2 and #1 on your list.

Step-chan: I suffered making this more than you will ever know.

Peter: This song was made/released in 1978. It probably single handedly extended the life of disco music for another 3 years. That's how bad it was.

Dee: This is the only Dan Hill song I know. Good parody idea there, maybe like this:

Sometimes when I gag
I miss the paper bag
And they call for clean up on - aisle 5!

AFW: The melody and the rhymes are the only positive things about TOS.

Ravyn Rant: Wow, a second thank-you. Your welcome.

Stu: "Eyes" was chosen as a convenient rhyme, and "I'm going to tear the radio off the wall and mash it into little pieces" didn't scan.

Rick C: #1? I can tell you've never been on the "Small World" ride at Disneyworld/land.

Pat: Gonorrhea wasn't bad enough? lol

Tim: If Charlie Decker were here he'd no doubt say 'it's funny because it's true', and I'd agree.

Larry: Well, it does end, just not soon enough, which ideally would be before any words were sung.

TT: Woe indeed. I have to say this was one of the harsher song satires I've done, but still deserved. As to your previous questions: I heard "Instant Karma" - I'll put that one my list, but it may be a long time. As for "Without E", I'm not sure how I would write a parody sans Es with an E in the title.
TT - April 12, 2006 - Report this comment
"Footnotes" parody as per your suggestion to me elsewhere has been submitted for posting Thu 13 April (different OS). Thanks for the idea :)
PMS - April 16, 2006 - Report this comment
Red Ant - April 18, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks PMS. I got to it TT, and you're welcome.
S.T.G. - April 24, 2006 - Report this comment
Max Power - May 03, 2006 - Report this comment
Cat - May 09, 2006 - Report this comment
I actually kind of half-KTOS...I've only heard snippets on god-awful easy listening compilation commercials, but that enough is horrible! "I hate to be a penis/But here's the simple truth"...Hahahahahaha!!!
Rick C - May 13, 2006 - Report this comment
(Bad Songs) Yes, Jack, I have been on that ride but, the torture of hearing the song only lasted as long as the ride. I don't think I've heard it since. This OS, on the other hand, can pop up at any time and leave one crippled just from hearing it.
Scathe - May 13, 2006 - Report this comment
(Bad Songs) This is a good inflammatory spoof.
Red Ant - June 01, 2006 - Report this comment
Thanks STG, Max, Cat, Rick C and Scathe. Rick, excellent point there.
BAD SONG PARODY CONTEST - June 30, 2006 - Report this comment
First place:,19224.0.html
2Eagle - October 17, 2006 - Report this comment
How the heck did I miss this?

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