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Song Parodies -> "Nobody "Does" Like Vitter"

Original Song Title:

"Nobody Does It Better"

Original Performer:

Carly Simon

Parody Song Title:

"Nobody "Does" Like Vitter"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Pamela Martin & Associates is an escort service in Washington, D.C. Among its clients, in their records, is David Vitter. A U.S. Senator representing the State of Louisiana. Damn sex-crazed, anti-family, godless liberal Democrats! Wait, this just in... David Vitter is a Republican, an evangelical Christian, a married man and a sponsor of the bigoted anti-gay-marriage amendment to the Constitution. Oh. So he's a big honkin' hypocrite.
(piano intro)

Nobody "does" like Vitter.
Makes it with girls, they're undressed.
Nobody "does it" quite the way he'll do.
Baby, he's distressed.

Those girls were hooking
and somehow, he found them
there in the district of red-light.
He's been caught abruptly.
The guy who shtupped thee.
Ain't keeping his sex secrets there tonight!

And nobody "does" like Vitter.
The "marriage threatened" is his own.
Nobody "does it" quite the way he'll "do."
He's an erogenous zone!

The way that he'll hold them
we all ought to scold him.
Adultery's okay with him if not gay.
I'm slightly sarcastic.
He's paranoid and spastic.
The GOP's so immoral today!

Nobody "does" like Vitter.
Makes it with girls, they're undressed.
Nobody "does it" quite the way he'll do.
Baby, baby...
David Vitter, he's distressed.

(instrumental fadeout)
That's what all these Republican "traditional marriage" hypocrites should do: Fade out.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 2.0
How Funny: 1.9
Overall Rating: 2.0

Total Votes: 25

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   19
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

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Syncronos - July 11, 2007 - Report this comment
555's from me. This goes a long way to show that those 'god-fearing, bible thumping' Republicans are just as 'godless' as those 'gay communist' Democrats. But remember: it's not hypocrisy. It's the haves vs the have nots. They have something other people don't- white skin color, old money, political clout, etc. That means they can do things other can't and get away with it, just like Scooter. Hypocrisy is if those who have not try to act as those who do. If one of US were to leak something about the CIA- hell, if one of us gives out someone's SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER, we get sent to jail. Go figure. I'm betting the 111 squad is going to be attacking soon, and I always enjoy your spirited verbal sparring. I must say, you hold your ground quite well in that arena. Here's 555 to a good parody! *pulls up a chair, grabs a bowl of popcorn, waits for them to arrive*
alvin - July 11, 2007 - Report this comment
ripped from the headlines...good one
Michael Pacholek - July 11, 2007 - Report this comment
Thanks, gentlemen. It's good to know that Sync thinks I can swim, and that Alvin thinks I'm on the right (or correct) roads.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith - July 11, 2007 - Report this comment
BOOO!!!!!!! YOUR SONG SUCKS!!!!!!!!
Hypocrisy! - July 11, 2007 - Report this comment
And this is supposedly why we need fewer traditional families and more God-hating blowjobbing wankers like you and Slick Willie the Monica popsicle? Up yours, Satancrat hypocrite! 111s to you and all the left-wing whores who clutter this site with their unfunny political hate rants.
John Jenkins - July 11, 2007 - Report this comment
Your generalizations are overblown, but this is a good parody. Any time that an arrogant politician (isn’t that redundant?) gets involved in a sex scandal, he/she deserves to be parodied. And this is a good parody with good substitutions. And, since Senator Vitter is working in the Rudy Giuliani campaign, I commend you for not specifically accusing the mayor of the same things.
Syncronos - July 12, 2007 - Report this comment
Is that IT? JJJS: Boo, your song sucks and Hypocrisy: 'left-wing' whores? The only thing cluttered is your closed mind. I'm disappointed...I thought you right-wing guys had more fight in you than THAT...and it's funny how no matter how many computers you log on to and vote 111, the truth never goes away, does it? John Jenkins, YOU sir are a gentleman and a scholar.
Michael Pacholek - July 12, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm not gonna dignify J.J.J. Smith with a response, and it wouldn't do any good, since he's probably incapable of being dignified. John J. not J.S.: I didn't think Vitter working with Rudy was relevant to the song, so I left it out... Oh, who am I kidding, I just plain forgot! Besides, "Vitter" is a whole lot easier to spell than... give me a minute... "Villaraigosa"! (You totally nailed him, by the way, though not in the way the reporter did!) And, of course, the whole point of the parody is not that Vitter is a sex fiend, but that, as a guy claiming to "protect traditional marriage" by submitting anti-gay legislation, HE is guilty of gross "Hypocrisy!" The right (if not far-right) thing to do would be to try to defend Vitter, admit his hypocrisy but say he made a mistake and that, as I said about Mr. Clinton (gotta add the Mr. now that the Mrs. is running), it doesn't change the great job he's doing... if you believe he's doing a good job. (I sure don't.) Instead of defending Vitter, Hypo, you choose instead to attack the messenger. Ironic, isn't it: I'm the Democrat, the party whose symbol is a donkey, but you're the one who made an @$$ out of himself. Along with Vitter.
Hippocrates - July 12, 2007 - Report this comment
That's right, an example of hypocrisy would be someone who votes to impeach a president for oral sex, seeks to ban gay marriage, thumps a bible but finds it ok (at the time JJ) to get sex from an escort service. The classic right-wing "do as I say not as I do." Of course, in fairness to Sen. Vitter, he talked to God, God said everything is ok now, so let's move on.
Galen - July 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Oh yes, isn't it nice to be from the party of the consistently evil instead of the hypocritically good, Mr. Hypocrites? Actually, the only thing you've been consistent about is bashing Republicans for doing the very same things DemocRats do. Remember all those parodies Bicholek here wrote about Morris, the toe-sucking John? ... Me neither. Well, maybe you remember how the terribly consistent crimes of Virginia's far-left kiddie-porn advocating (and viewing) ACLU head Charles Rust-Tierney were splashed all over this site in one biting parody after another, right? I mean, probably as many as there would be if they'd caught, say, the AFA's James Dobson doing something really scandalous, right? No? Well that's classic DemocRat consistency for you: "Rules for thee but not for me." Also, according to these rules of yours you ever-so-consistently follow, the only people a President is ever allowed to pardon are those who make large cash donations to DemocRat campaigns; our troops are only to be deployed to distract us from Monica Lewinsky; and evil is only to be legislated for, never against. If that's your idea of consistency, then screw it! Away with your "tolerance" and let consistency be dammed (ha ha), but let hypocrisy flow like a river and self-castigating Republican legislation like a never-failing stream!
Immoral Liberal - July 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Galen (Terhune), you ignorant fascist. How timely your post is - just one day after Sen. Vitter called a press conference and denied "having relationships" with any prostitutes in New Orleans. Hmmmm. I just knew there was more to this story at his first God fearing press conference. Of course we're talking about a man who voted against gay marriage because he was a crusader for saving "the traditional" marriage. I guess it depends on what your/his definition of "traditional" is, doesn't it. So let me get this straight, you rightwing bible-thumping nuts are against same sex marriage but have no problem with prostitution or beastiality within a "traditional marriage"? (And we're wondering how we ever got into the unjust war in Iraq?) I'm sure God is granting you all forgiveness, right Linda?
Hippocrates - July 17, 2007 - Report this comment
Galen - if someone would give Bush a "Lewinsky" we could impeach him, right? Not sure exactly if it was toes that Mark Foley was sucking, was it? And then there's Ted Haggard - what more can be said about this man who created god in his own image and went on this moral crusade preaching from the pulpit about how god told him gay life was a sin. Here's a man who got a Rocky Mountain high and joined the mile high club on Brokeback Mountain using all those donations meant for god. Oh, by the way, remember - IT'S THE WAR, STUPID.
Anti-Galen - July 20, 2007 - Report this comment
James Dobson? You mean the guy who does that radio propaganda - Focus on the Fascist? And now, Linda, you people are embracing hypocrisy? You right-wing nuts will spin anything, won't you? By the way, nice job on getting Bin Laden. How much money have we spent on the unjust, immoral war in Iraq? How many lives have we lost? How many people have suffered? Has anyone other than Haliburton been helped by this? Yes, let the hypocrisy flow because those Americans who bought your lies for the past seven years are now seeing right through them. Enjoy you heaven now Linda because we're sure going to make it hell on Earth when Dumb-ya leaves office. hahaha
Oh I wouldn't know about that... - July 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Looks to me like Villaraigosa "does" like Vitter.
Galen - July 21, 2007 - Report this comment
Oh, give it up, IL: everyone knows you and Hippocrates and all the others (whom I notice all use "fascist" to describe people who are AGAINST killing huge numbers of people) are really just Michael Bicholek under a different name. I'm not Terhune, by the way. Yeah, it's the war, all right: the war that your spineless traitor Dims and their raving lunatics in Code Pinko are looking to lose without taking the blame that is rightfully theirs when tens of millions die in the strife that follows and we all end up fighting a massive world war anyway. How much have we spent on this just, moral war in Iraq that helped free millions of Iraqis from a terrorist dictator and has kept Al Qaeda on the run for years now, you ask? Less than you're going to be spending when there's a flood of refugees from Eurabia, gasoline goes up to twenty bucks a gallon, and New York (or Washington D.C., or wherever Iran sends its nukes) are glowing craters in the ground. Better start trying on that burqa now: your new masters won't tolerate homos, but you might be able to fool them into thinking you're a virginal young girl if you can work on hiding your falsetto.
Doctor - July 23, 2007 - Report this comment
Galen, are you off the meds again? Was there a short supply of kool aid last week? Galen you ignorant fascist - I can't believe that you're still trying to make an argument to justify this immoral war. Look you idiot, it was Bin Laden, stupid. Your guy - who stole the election against Gore - promised to get Bin Laden nearly six years ago - where is he? He's seven feet tall, dressed in white and is walking the desert with a cellphone to his turban - how hard can it be? Honestly, you make no sense at all - are you sure that you're taking all your medication? And do you really think that we've made Iraq safer? Your ignorance is apparent. I live in NYC, an overwhelming majority of residents in the NYC-metro area voted against King Dubya in the election following the stolen one - why did we get it right? We're the only ones in this country (outside of DC and LA area residents) who walk around with a target on our backs. Don't ever tell us that you and your war hungry cronies have made progress in the war on terrorism - we know the real answer to that one. And speaking of tolerating - afterall, you are the party of God, aren't you? Good one on "homos" - did they teach you that in church? I'll tell ya what, I'd rather have this country run by "homos" than by fascists like yourself. You're an idiot.
Anti-war - July 23, 2007 - Report this comment
The war we're looking to lose? Hey, how about the war that we never wanted to get into? Who cares if we win or lose - how many more people must die? The first was one too many as Iraq had nothing to do with the attack on the US. Republican/fascist logic: Bin Laden attacks us so we attack Iraq - hey, after the stolen election, it makes sense to me - obviously it makes a lot of sense to you Galen. Al Qaeda on the run? - what world are you living in?

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