ACT II, Scene 1

(Same as previous scene.)

TYRO: Thanks for…enlightening me, I guess.

SULLEN: Hey, this is only the beginning. Let’s take a stroll over to the Senate.

TYRO: Lead on.

(They walk across the halls and encounter on the way):

* Schmuck Schmoozer: kvetching and wringing his hands
* Mitch McConjob: AKA “Moscow’s Bitch”
* John Cornhole: SULLEN’s boss, from whom she hides behind TYRO
* Sleeveband Kink: wearing a brown shirt and goosestepping briskly
* Gym Jordan: Ohio rep. and locker-room-pedophile facilitor
* Kamala Hairshirt: moaning repeatedly, “Where did I go wrong?!”
* Burning Ranter: screaming sentor from Vermont
* Deadhead Moopest: THE CAPO’s agent responsible for spreading COVID-19 in central California
* Others: Ben Carsonoma, Melanomia Trump, Ivankunt Trump, Alex Azole, Doug Conman, Jerkoff Krookner, Sleazin’ Munchkin, Wilbur Dross, Drecky Headjob

(SULLEN makes a finger-down-throat gesture before she and TYRO enter the Senate chamber. On the floor is Limpy Hand.)

LIMPY: …blah-blah-blah-blah….

TYRO (looking dismayed): Doesn’t any say anything other than “Blah-blah-blah-blah”?!

SULLEN: Still learning.

TYRO: Isn’t that Limpy Hand, the senator/hairdresser that comedian Built More referred to as “John McCain’s widow”?

SULLEN: One and the same.

(LIMPY finishes bloviating and breaks into song.)


“Twine Hair”
(Parody of “Mein Herr”)

That bank of yellow strands is merely sham fine hair;
it’s tightend, then it’s lightened to seem glam fine hair.
Yet when he gloats he boasts that it is damn fine hair.
But that yuge pompadou’:
It’s not keratin you view.
It’s a ’do
held with glue.

A pile of fiber hair
up there; it’s fiber hair.
Inside is just dead air from rotten ova.
Since there’s damaged brain there, it cannot be repaired,
unlike that mastic’d, plastic twine hair.
It’s urine-dyed twine hair,
will-never-slide twine hair,
looks like a groomed longhair that’s named Rover.
It’s knit so solid—wow!
A harrow or a plow
Could never rout, pull out that twine hair.

A contingent is needed to keep tied twine hair,
or else it might start a side-to-side slide, twine hair.
It looks like something in a lion pride, twine hair.
It’s a ’do that will stand
up to wind,
’cause it’s prepped
in a pile
that is sham.

Tied twine, that fiber hair.
Auf Wiedersehen, twine hair?
Ain’t goin’ anywhere...can’t off fly.
It has a role, twine hair,
not like a stole she’d wear,
because he cannot doff it, twine hair.
Tied twine, that fiber hair.
There’s gelled twined fiber hair
made from oil mined, twine hair—
not hue of clover.
It’s knitted well, and how!
It could withstand, I vow
a tornado…could not rout twine hair.

Hair gel binds fiber hair—
Those ties of fiber hair—
applied to fiber hair that’s combed over
From one side, here to there
showing much combing flair.
To thresh it soft yet stoutly—
tied, dyed,
twine hair!