A long, long time ago...
There lived some teenagers
And their antics used to make them smile
And Jim knew if he had his chance
That he could make his father gasp
And, maybe, they'd be wacky for a while

But someone made a pie for dinner
And it was cherry, I remember
Did not want to eat it
Did something else to that pie, yeah

I can't remember how that guy
Would soon have a wife, a lovely bride
But someone says he lost his mind
The day he saw that pie

So why, why does he mess with that pie?
It was cherry, what a berry
But the crust, it was dry
And them good old boys were drinkin' whiskey with pie
Singin', "I think that Dad will make me die
I think that Dad will make me die"

Did you even taste a pie?
And why did u do it, wonder why?
Did your buddies tell you to?
Do you believe in caserole
Or Swiss cheese with a lot of holes?
And how did this become a movie show?

Well, I know that Jason Biggs played Jim
And old Eugene Levy played his dad
And that Sean guy from "Dude,
Where's My Car?" those movies did suck

And did I tell you that these movies suck?
With a pie of cherry, and the film's a flop
But I would not have payed a buck
To see him touch that pie

I started singin'
Bye-bye to "American Pie"
And this film stars Eugene Levy
But Old Levy is dry
Them teenage boys were sneaking into this film
And sayin', "Gonna see a film 'bout Jedis
Gonna see a film 'bout Jedis"

Now for two sequels, it is now done
Like the 80-year-old Rolling Stones
Will be in Two Thousand-Thirteen
And they ended these films with Jim's big day
Said "Goodbye" to pies and "Hi" to cake
Asked a girl, "Hey, will you marry me?"

Oh, movie reminds me of the song
Even though it made McLean frown
The thumbs were up, then turned
Yeah, these films are the worst
With Jack Lemmon and the Brothers Marx
It still would not match J'rassic Park,
And damn, this song is very long
It's eight minutes, oh why????

Now, i'm singing,
Why, Why is "American Pie"
Movies starring Eugene Levy
And a song that will try
To make "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" look very short
I'm singin', "Spoofing this song will make me die
Spoofing this song will make me die"

How much longer could this song possibly last?
If I knew, I'd give up this parody
Eight minutes is too long for me
In terms of just a lyrics
Compared to the film, it is a gas
And the movie just had a horrible cast

And I think Part 1 came out in June
1999, I could be wrong
Back when Miss Spears could dance
Before her knee ruined her chance!
It's the worst stuff from Hollywood
Makes "Porky's" look like "Rugrats," yeah!
Do you recall what was revealed
The day he saw that pie?

I started singing,
My, my, this "American Pie"
Is so evil, Eugene Levy
Had to do this film, why?
Them teenage boys were drinkin' whiskey with pie
Singin', "I think that Dad will make me die
I think that Dad will make me die

Oh, and Seann William Scott's character
Talks like Robot from "Lost in Space"
"Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!"
Oh, come on: they are evil, this is sick!
Makes me wanna listen to Styx
"Come Sail Away, Come Sail Away with meeeeeee"

Oh, why does it take an hour or two
Just to spoof an eight-minute song?
These films can burn in hell
'Cause films like this can't sell
To finish this song will take me all night
I don't think that I will sleep tight
It is longer than "Rapper's Delight"
The song by Don McLean

Now, i'm singing,
Why, Why is "American Pie"
Movies starring Eugene Levy
And a song that will try
To make "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" look very short
I'm singin', "Spoofing this song will make me die
Spoofing this song will make me die"

The last two verses come at last
And I think I am about to snooze
But I'm so glad that these films have gone away
I went to the Blockbuster store
When I saw the movie case before
But I picked up "Batman" and gave it a play

And then I woke up from a dream
American Pie 2 on movie screens
But not a word was spoken
And the critics called it rotten
And there are films I admire more
Like Spaceballs, Casper the Friendly Ghost,
And Space Ghost's talk show "Coat to Coast"
I cannot stand that pie

Now, I'm singing,
Why, Why is "American Pie"
Movies starring Eugene Levy
And a song that will try
To make "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" look very short
I'm singin', "Spoofing this song will make me die
Spoofing this song will make me die"

Now, I'm singing,
Why, Why is "American Pie"
Movies starring Eugene Levy
And a song that will try
To make "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" look very short
I'm singin', "Spoofing this song will make me die
Spoofing this song will make me die"