(guitar intro)


That French philosopher Descartes
Listened to his pounding heart
He thought a bit and he felt a spark
Tingle in his spine

'Twas then he coined the line

From which
His fame be-gan

That pompous line --

"I think, there-fore I am!"



They walked along drinkin' rum an' coke
A little confused, they remembered jokes
And passed around a joint for tokes
In a roach-clip burnin' bright

They drank whiskey through the night

Before
The big ex-am

Then they cried --

"I drink, there-fore I cram!"



A hurricane someplace far off blew
As he was workin' wind-jammer's crew
As the tide bust through a big gust threw
His sailboat upside down

He dropped into the sea to drown

But he was a
Stubborn man

And he shouted out --

"I sink, there-fore I swam!"



(harmonica & guitar instrumental)



He walked up, her back was bare
He didn't see hair anywhere
He told himself he'd charm her there
Push in-to her open thighs

Felt a gassiness inside

Blew wicked gust-ings from his can

Coughed and cried --

"I stink, there-fore I scram!"



He hears the ticking of the bomb
And works along with a careful aplomb
Shuts it down with a wonderful calm
'Til the timer's stopped its spin

Maybe it's ticking loud again

He's a
Worried man

His last thought --

"I think, there-fore I--" BLAM!!



People tell me
I'm a fool

To waste what I
Did learn in school

I still believe that this is cool
Writing parodies

I'll write more of these

'Cause I
Was born a man

Whose motto's --

"I think, there-fore I can!"