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Song Parodies -> "Only the Egg Foo Young"

Original Song Title:

"Only the Good Die Young"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Only the Egg Foo Young"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The hard part was replacing the name "Virginia" with a Chinese name, which rarely have three syllables. If the name Hi Fat sounds familiar, it was the billionaire businessman who hired Scaramanga, "The Man With the Golden Gun," to steal the solar-energy device in the 1974 James Bond film. The second-hardest part of doing this was overcoming the awful, awful version of this song by a previous correspondent.
Come out now, Hi Fat, don't let me wait.
You Chinese restaurants serve me too late.
Aw, but sooner or later, it comes on a plate.
And I'll have the Number 1.
Well, I called up the order, know it was me
'cause I said, "I don't want that M.S.G."
Aw, but I never told you how good it can be
if only it's not overdone.
You know it's only the egg foo young.

You might've heard I run with a ravenous crowd.
We tip really big and we ain't too proud.
Aw, we might be chewing a bit too loud
aw, but that never hurt no one.
So come on, now, Hi Fat, show me lo mein.
Don't gimme duck sauce, the spice gives me pain.
Aw, and keep out the werewolf who's out in the rain
lookin' for "Party of one, Zevon."
You know it's only the egg foo young.

You got a nice white tablecloth ready for my reservation.
You got a brand-new bowl and a nice egg roll.
Aw, but now, Hi Fat, they didn't give you quite enough information.
You didn't count on me when you made your fortune cookie.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa

And they say there's some good food for those who will wait.
Some say it's better, but I say it ain't.
I'd rather gorge with the gluttons than fast with the saints.
The gluttons have much more fun.
You know it's only the egg foo young.

(instrumental break)

You said your maitre d' told you I complained about indigestion.
Aw, he doesn't care for me, but he's not all there to me.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa

Come out, come out, come out now, Hi Fat, don't let me wait.
You Chinese restaurants serve me too late.
Aw, but sooner or later it comes on a plate.
And I'll have the Number 1.
You know it's only the egg foo young!

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   4
 5   7

User Comments

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Meriadoc - March 31, 2003 - Report this comment
Absolutely hilarious! Perfectly paced. I loved the Zevon reference!
Billy Florio - March 31, 2003 - Report this comment
Great parody Michael, but Ill say to you the same thing I said to Tone-def when he did his parody to this Mad Magazine a number of years back (it was 1993 i think), they did a "Billy Joel song book" in which there were parodies of I think 6 different Billy Joel of them was called "Dont eat the egg foo young" to the tune of Only the good die young....Im not accusing you of plagerism or anything lol, but I thought that maybe you would be interested to know that....btw..I wanna know how many people there are that get the Warren Zeven reference in here lol....."I saw a Warewolf with a chinese menu in his hand...."
Stray Pooch - March 31, 2003 - Report this comment
I see we got a "Billy" thing going, you and me - lol!! Good Job. I'm guessing this takes place in, um, London? (snicker).
Michael Pacholek - March 31, 2003 - Report this comment
No, Billy, never saw the Mad issue, though I'm not surprised they did one. I'm glad somebody caught the Zevon reference. We owe it to this man who sick in ways both good and bad to recognize him for his contributions before it's too late. Story-songs make the best parodies (see under "Zevon," "Springsteen," "Cash," "Chapin," "McLean," et al.), and BJ has a million of 'em. (OK, maybe 50.) I heard both "Only the Good Die Young" and "Werewolves of London" right before writing this one down, and as the other version made clear, this was so obvious. All that's missing is a 30th anniversary tribute to Billy Joel at the Garden (slightly late, but December will be 30 years since the "Piano Man" album), with Melissa Etheridge singing "OTGDY." That'll make the Pat Buchanans of the world really plotz!
Billy Florio - April 01, 2003 - Report this comment
Actully, its not 30 years...its more...Billy's first album was "Cold Spring Harbor" which came out in 1972...and thats not including his earler work inthe late 60s and early 70s with the Hassells and his work for Phil Spector...Billy plays piano on a few of his songs....(he was like 16 at the time!) - September 18, 2003 - Report this comment
Checkin' out your other stuff. Found this gem. Good job.
2nz - October 10, 2004 - Report this comment
Nice one, Mike. You hooked me at "I'll have the Number 1". I had an similar idea recently, except the guys name would have been 'Well Hung'. You can imagine the double meanings I'd be trying for. Anyhow, this is great, which means I'll be heading in a different direction with my take.
Marshall Garvey - August 06, 2005 - Report this comment
Michael, this is excellent! Nice job with one of my favorites. Fives across the board.
joshdobbin - April 01, 2009 - Report this comment
This was clearly based on a MAD magazine parody, "Don't Try the Egg Foo Yung," which had many of the same lines, including the white tablecloth.

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