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Song Parodies -> "The Arsenal"

Original Song Title:

"Piano Man"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"The Arsenal"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

This won't make any sense if, as I was up until August 2008, you're not familiar with the story of a soccer team -- sorry, forgot to speak English there -- the story of a football club in London known as The Arsenal. I posted this on an Arsenal message board, but to post it here, I had to fix the profanity.
(instrumental opening)

It's 3:00 on a Saturday.
The regular crowd shuffles in.
There's an old man sitting next to me
hoping Wenger won't put Arshavin in.

He says, "Son, I can play you a memory:
Cliff Bastin really knew how it goes.
And I watched Alex James, and Ted Drake won us games
when I wore a younger man's clothes."

La, da-da, da-de-da...
La-da, da-de-da, da-dum...

Win us a game, you're The Arsenal.
Win us a game tonight.
Well, we're all in the mood for a victory.
If Man United wins, that's not right.

Now, Ian Wright is a friend of mine.
He won us both cups, '93.
And he's quick with a joke for each Arsenal bloke
and there's no place that he'd rather be.

He says, "Dennis, a sign he was giving me"
and a smile crosses over his place.
"Well, I'm sure that I could be a singing star."
He didn't learn from John Barnes's pace.

Oh, la, da-da, da-de-da...
La-da, da-de-da, da-dum...

Now, Robin van Persie's a Dutch striker
with a great left foot and a hot wife.
And he's talking with Nasri, who's looking quite snazzy
and probably will be for life.

And Eboue is practicing politics
as Theo Walcott admits he dove.
And for Charlie we'd sing, or was Brady the king?
And at Number 12 is Perry Groves!

(instrumental break)

Win us a game, you're The Arsenal.
Win us a game tonight.
Well, we're all in the mood for a victory.
Because if Chelsea wins, that's not right.

It's a sixty-thou crowd at The Emirates.
And the manager, Wenger half-smiles.
'Cause he knows that "One-Nil to The Arsenal" is a thrill.
We'll be top of the League in a while.

And the North Bank, it sounds like a carnival.
And the Clock End, it smells like a beer.
And we point and we curse at some fans of the Spurs
and say, "Man, what are YOU doing here?"

Oh, la, da-da, da-de-da...
La-da, da-de-da, da-dum...

Win us a game, you're The Arsenal.
Win us a game tonight.
Well, we're all in the mood for a victory.
And you've got us feeling all right!

(instrumental close)
If you're familiar with English football at all, then, I think you can guess what word I really wanted to use instead of, "Man, what are... "

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.8
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   7

User Comments

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Patrick - January 17, 2011 - Report this comment
When I first saw the title I thought this was going to be about some lunatic with a closet full of weapons. From what I've read about British football fans, weapons control may not be such a bad idea.
John Barry - January 17, 2011 - Report this comment
Nice parody about a boring sport.
Kristof Robertson - January 18, 2011 - Report this comment
I just had to comment on this one, Mike. This would be a great write coming from a lifelong Gunners supporter whose lived his whole life in the shadow of Highbury, but for a "Yank", this is remarkable. I'm guessing you're a fan! 555

JAB: ooohh, get you! Boring? I guess if you compare it to American Football, for which each 1 hour game consists of about 52 minutes of standing around, huddling, posing for cameras, high-fiving and drinking gatorade, with about 8 minutes of actual gameplay...then soccer can't compare. ;-)
Phil Alexander - January 18, 2011 - Report this comment
Looks like you've had a Spurs fan visiting :-) I've got a half-finished one to this OS which starts with the same couple of lines (but a "So *that*'s why they call him 'Banana man'" chorus line).. unfortunately, can't think of enough verses yet.

So, Michael - you really a gooner? Didn't realize there were any on that side of the pond...
Old Man Ribber - January 18, 2011 - Report this comment
Wow! I'm not surprised you have great knowledge of what the world calls football. I wouldn't even be amazed if you do a clever parody about cricket or curling. I wish you could play on our trivia league and I alone would be a most formidable "midfield duo"! ;D
LadyNorCAL - January 18, 2011 - Report this comment
GrudgeMatch this Sunday: ~~Packers VS Bears ~~ ! !
Michael Pacholek - January 19, 2011 - Report this comment
I don't know NEARLY enough about cricket or curling to write about them. It took me the better part of 3 seasons to know THIS game that well.
martin - January 23, 2011 - Report this comment
brilliant m8 , nuff said
Bill - October 24, 2012 - Report this comment
Stupid AKB septic jog on

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