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Song Parodies -> "My Knife"

Original Song Title:

"My Life"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"My Knife"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I have to get into character for this one, because, no matter how much George W. Bush harmed this country, we liberals never tried garbage like this:
(instrumental opening)

Got a call from an old friend, he sounded quite high, soused.
Said Obama don't uphold the American way.
Got no chance to get down and sneak into the White House.
But he's hosting town hall in New Hampshire today!

I don't need health care that's socialist, 'cause I'm all right.
All the guys at the psych ward said I could go home.
I don't care for you, Kenyan, and I'm bringing my knife.
Hey, let go of me, Secret Service, will you leave me alone?

Never said I would become a Lee Harvey Oswald.
(I never said I would be... )
Only listen to my boys at Fox tell lies so bald.
(I never said... )

He don't belong!
(Don't belong!)
His race is wrong!
(Race is wrong!)
I will speak my mind!
I don't... like... his... kind!

They will tell you that Hawaii's really his birthplace.
We all know that the Marxist was born somewhere else!
Ah, but sooner or later, he's going to know his place.
Either way, it's okay, except I'm in these cells!

I don't need health care that's socialist, 'cause I'm all right.
All the guys at the psych ward said I could go home.
I don't care for you, Kenyan, and I'm bringing my knife.
Hey, let go of me, Secret Service, will you leave me alone?

Never said I would have changed his living circumstance.
(I never said that I would... )
Only way you'll get my knife is from my cold dead hands.
(My cold dead hands!)

I'm not insane!
(Not insane!)
I just hate Hussein!
(Hate Hussein!)
He can give the facts!
But not... with... my... tax!

(instrumental break)

I don't care for you, Kenyan, and I'm bringing my knife.
Hey, let go of me, Secret Service, will you leave me alone?

(Give me back my gun and my knife!)
(Give me back my gun and my knife!)
(Give me back my gun and my knife!)
(Give me back my gun and my knife!)
(repeat 'til fade)
Sound shocking? This is how these people really think, this loud minority of a minority party, and the sooner that minority party tells them to shut up and get lost, the sooner that minority party can be taken seriously as a potential majority party again..

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.7
How Funny: 3.7
Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 6

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Patrick - August 13, 2009 - Report this comment
As a right-wing extremist I don't know anyone who thinks like the kook portrayed in this song. To all you liberals, no one gives a damn about Obama's skin color. It's the ideas that matter. And his ideas are historically provable to be destructive to the reasons this country was founded. I recall when the left excused violence on the part of the poor, because they were "excluded" from the electoral process. Well, now you have the electoral process sewn up, you have rigged the vote, you will soon rig the census. There appears to be a majority in this country who prefer getting it free to real freedom. Personally, I don't seek violent overthrow of anything. Just, when you get around to writing up your manifesto, put in a "leave me alone" option.
Old Man Ribber - August 13, 2009 - Report this comment
Strident? Certainly. Not reflective of my views? Of course. But well enough executed that I'll not trash it with three 1s. ;D
Mark Scotti - August 13, 2009 - Report this comment
The creativity of your plotting gets you fives...
Sen. FoGbound - August 13, 2009 - Report this comment
The blade...and the wit... need sharpening.
Guy - August 13, 2009 - Report this comment
What Patrick said. And to add - why does the left seem to be soooo paranoid of the right? I don't ever recall the right seeming to be paranoid of the left - for the most part most conservatives never took the liberals seriously - maybe it is not paranoia that is seeming here - maybe it's a grab for power. Anyway Michael, your parody promoting a very inaccurate portrayal of anyone and everyone who chooses to disagree with the president and his policies just serves to keep right on diividing this country. I let you slide by when you wrote your trash about Bush, the GOP etc - it is your right but now you smite me directly and I do not appreciate it one bit, sir. As CCR says in "Fortunate Son" "They point the cannon right at you". So would you please point that thing somewhere else or have it shoved where the sun don't shine. This parody smacks of ignorance,prejudice and hatred. You could have at least tried to be funny. I know you can write a whole lot better than this trainwreck of a parody.
Michael Pacholek - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
I'm glad to see that this parody hasn't been misconstrued as ME believing this stuff. Patrick: The only thing that's "rigged the vote" is you right-wingers rendering yourselves untrustworthy and thus rendering the Democrats the only acceptable option -- at least until you make yourself trustworthy again or a third party beats you to it and becomes the second party. Guy: This country is less divided than at any time in the last 20 years, because your boys are gone. Don't you dare quote CCR: John Fogerty is one of those rare Sixties rockers -- aside from Brits old enough to have still had enforced national service like Stones and RAF vet Bill Wyman -- who actually served in the Vietnam era, and he knew whereof he spoke. And after what you people did to us for eight inexcusable years, we are not obligated to give a damn what you do and do not appreciate. You people screwed up this country so badly, the country turned to an underexperienced black man from Chicago with an Arabic name -- that's how desperate we got. The parody was SUPPOSED to smack of ignorance, prejudice and hatred: It is the thoughts of one of these lying town-hall disruptors. Being funny wasn't the point at all: Exposing these crypto-Nazis was. If you think your side is better than that, then MAKE it so. Until you do, America will never trust you again. But I still like your Mob parodies. At least the Mob has more honor than these guys. Probably kills fewer people these days, too (Dr. Tiller, the Holocaust Museum shootout).
Guy - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
Michael - I have one thing to reply back to you - I also served in the military during the Vietnam era and was spat upon by hippies in San Francisco Airport while in uniform and I was against that war but I still served so don't throw that chit up in this vets face.
Fiddlegirl - August 14, 2009 - Report this comment
@ MP: How dare you? ("You" personally, as opposed to "you people", whoever *they*- or *we* are) As long as the gloves are presumably off, let me just say that willful blindness to and denial of facts does not make them any less factual. By the same token, your venomous and vitriolic generalizations, without a shred of evidence to support them, are not made any more true.

"This country is less divided than at any time in the last 20 years, because your boys are gone."

I challenge you to prove either part of that statement. And I'll bet you can't do it.

"after what you people did to us for eight inexcusable years, we are not obligated to give a damn what you do and do not appreciate"

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the above comment seems to indicate a pretty deep division. Who are "you people" anyway? And just how have you suffered "inexcusably" during the last 8 years, compared to others in other poor, war-torn and oppressive lands? Are you not still in a house with electricity, food and clothing, and the right to free speech, however mean-spirited and/or idiotic? And are you not one of those who chants the doctrine of Unity and Change? I hardly need point out that, in the absence of care, consideration, and respect, that is impossible.

"crypto-Nazis"? I don't even know what that's supposed to mean. If it means what I think it does, then it is WAY over the line.

"Probably kills fewer people these days, too"

To whom do you refer? Certainly not to the thousands of unborn people killed every day in accordance with the open-handed platform of you and your party, with hundreds of thousands more to come. Or the gang-related violence perpetrated by huge numbers of your "demographic" base as a result of repeated and growing failures of a flawed social policy.

I could forgive your ignorance of history, economics, sociology, and psychology... but I absolutely will NOT overlook personal attacks on those, like Guy and Patrick, who have become friends on this site. You, sir, are a pompous ass.
Old Man Ribber - August 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Michael, my friend - glad you didn't engage in a rant. ;D
Guy@Fiddlegirl - August 15, 2009 - Report this comment
Thanks for watching my six, but you are wasting your time trying to get the Pach Man to realize just how bizarre his thinking is. I gave up a long time ago after I ranted on him excessively - he will spin and disengage from the subject of debate and allude to unrelated unsubstantiated bogus bunk just to keep you from pinning him down. He pushed my buttons when he wrote this piece of fecal matter so I blew some steam off in his direction. He has never had the cannon pointed at him - I did. I had zero chance of avoiding the draft during the vietnam era. I may not agree with what he says but I put my life on the line for his right to say it. But he got a bit too personal with this one. Just beware of what I've told you about his tactics. Thanks again Fiddlegirl.
Isaac Asimov to Guy, FG, and everyone else with common sense - August 15, 2009 - Report this comment
"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig".
FG @ Guy - August 15, 2009 - Report this comment
I *know* you are exceedingly able to speak for yourself... but his disrespect toward your military service and experience angered me, too. Thus, the extended comments. His MO and your advice duly noted. :)

@ I. Asimov: The Queen does not use much that's common; however, in this case you (and Guy) are correct.
@ Isaac Asimov - August 15, 2009 - Report this comment
... however, you *can* tuna fish ;)
Old Man Ribber - August 16, 2009 - Report this comment
...pours a shot of Kentucky bourbon for Michael from my own silver flask. Even though we are so different, we have much in common to celebrate. Skoal! ;D
Patrick - August 24, 2009 - Report this comment
I was never all that fond of George Bush either. The problem with the Republican leadership is that it has no ideology or policy, other than compromising with the Democrats. That is why they are losers. That is why they will not win the presidency any time soon. But, here is a test or a challenge. Go out into the shopping malls, fair grounds, or other places where ordinary people gather. I see people of every race, color, language, and presumably political persuasion, interacting peacefully, with no fear or derision. I can remember a time when it wasn't so. Then throw in a congressman or government angle and the anger and division come out. It is government, and the desire to control government that breed hostility. Left to our own devices, we are a peaceful and united people. Politics is what divides us.

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