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Song Parodies -> "Soprano Man"

Original Song Title:

"Piano Man"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"Soprano Man"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

The author is a baritone.

A concerto in four movements.

[Movement I]

It's 10am on St. Valentine's
The mobsters are all ushered in
Then a hit man named Antonio
Sub-machine-guns them all, with a grin

He says, "Boys, you are now just a memory
"Been shot; writhing in your last throes
"Though it may not be neat, now the deed is complete
"Six bodies with bloodied-up clothes"

Rat-a-tat-tat, rat-a-tat

"Sing your last song, I'm the Soprano Man
"Not to prolong your plight
"Al Capone gave the go for the massacre
"So you all are sayin' goodnight"


[Movement II]

Now, me, I don't sound very masculine
My nuts were lopped off, but why?
I was left in the lurch by the Catholic Church
For the choir, they need voices high

Well, you know, I was neutered unwillingly
Otherwise, I would be singing bass
And I'm sure that I could be transgendered girl
If I had a prettier face

Sing you a song, I'm the soprano man
Watch as I hit the height
Though I nail notes much higher than Upper C
Is Pope Sixtus feelin' contrite? [1]


[Movement III]

Last year, I was visiting Disneyland
At night, try to head for the door
I was caught for a while in rusty turnstile
My voice rose two octaves, or more

But I don't have to spend my life chasing chicks
Like the macho men who still have stones
I no longer have feelings of horniness
Need no wife; I like living alone


[Movement IV]

It's a mahvelous crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a goose
My thong panties are tight in my crotch, how they bite
Butt the crowd shouts for me to "cut loose"

And the soprano sounds like a little girl
And some audience might find it queer
But they're rather bizarre, this particular bar
What they hear, they hold dear, and they cheer

Tra la la la tra la
Rah rah hurrah rah rah rah

(They thay,) "Thing uth a thong, you're the Thoprano Man
"Thing uth a thong and thmile
"'Cauth we're all in the mood for an aria
"And you have a thweet, thultry thtyle"

[1] Pope Sixtus issued a papal bull in 1589 specifically providing for castrated males in the choir -- no bull!

A 1929 event gets hooked up with a TV series, then suddenly switches to being about a singer, then a tourist, and then another singer. Go figure.... And thanks to Andrew D. Lacroix's "Walmartman" parodies for inspiring TT's first stab at TOS. © 2007 Tommy Turtle. All rights reserved.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Peter Andersson - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Why not go with "Amphibian" as the substitute for "Piano Man", Mr Turtle?
alvin - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
wonderfully bizarre on several
malcolm higgins - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
it moved me to put 5-5-5
Agrimorfee - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
I'm lost in the transition from one type of Soprano to another here...and I think what you are referring to in Mvts. 2-4 should have been called "Castrato Man".(google 'Farinelli' for further info). Still all things considered, it's a 555.
AFW - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Me, and da boyz taut youse dun a good job on's we won't be takin' ya for a ride, after all...tree fiverinos
TT - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Peter Andersson: OMG, that is a fantastic idea... just might do that some day. Thanks Peter.

alvin, thanks... malcolm higgins, thanks... AFW, t'anks, I'm in yer debt... I owes ya.

Agrimorphee: When the parody was submitted, there was a link to the Wikipedia entry for "Castrato". The line about "choir needs voices high" was hyperlinked there. There was also a link in the Capone/massacre line to the St. Valentine's Day massacre. I don't know why the links disappeared. They made it through in my other post today, so I must have slipped up in the submission process. They were indeed intended to help clarify the story line, Thanks for v/c.
Walt C - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
I thought it was swell... 555. It sucks when you have to esplane all the subtle nuances of a parody...
PMS - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
A very eunuch take on the OS
TT - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Walt C, thanks very much :) ... PMS, LOL! ... thanks P. :)
Carmine (2-Loud) Boccatesta - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
TT - Whatsa odds dat you would do a businessmans parody on da same toons that me an' my esteemed associates produced on da same day? Uncle Luigi says that yous is gonna sleep wit the fishes but I tol' him dat you da turtle already sleep there. He was not amused an' den he b*tch slapped me one upside the testa. Besides dat he called you a queer litlle reptile for all a dat gay sh*t at da end of da parody. Weez don't take up wit no gay sh*t., terror guy punk a$$es or none of dat kinda sh*t, see? We only like da wise guys ovah 'eah. So we gonna cut ya a break dis time but don' led it happen again or yous'll get five leads to the head (testa) and owah signature of a frickin' fok stuck inta yous forehead. Unnastan?
Guy - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
TT - You wonderful little reptile, you. This was also my first stab at this OS for a parody although I'd thought of pisano or paisano man for a couple of years. I wrote this parody in an hour at work yesterday on my lunch break but tuned it up a bit in the evening when I got home from work. It took over 45 minutes in preview mode to perfect and fine tune it though. I think your parody is way bizarre, offbeat, original, witty and totally jacked up the wall. Fine, fine job here. Let's enter both of these for parody of the month comps. Let the writers chew on these two for a bit longer. What say? In order to score this parody any higher Chucky would have to modify the code on the voting dials. It goes without saying like straight A's in school you get straight fives. Thanks for blowing my mind today.
Guy - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
TT- Please get my email address form the comments section at and send me a quick email. I'd like to talk a bit offline. Thanks.
TT - October 26, 2007 - Report this comment
Carmine (2-Loud) Boccatesta: Thank you for your friendship. I am in your debt. I will bring you every week a portion of the algae that I scrape off the reefs. I will do you a service, which you have only to request. Turtles do sleep with the fishes, but they also like being able to come up for air every once in a while. If you will permit me this favor, you can always count on my loyalty and friendship.

Guy: Thanks much for your very kind comments, friend. Good luck in the SOTM. I'll step aside for your entry. Your song is more consistent and stays to its theme and style all the way through. As Agrimorfee notes, mine wanders around a good bit and is sort of cobbled together. Go for it, Guy.

I occasionally write some professional comedy and parody. It's surprising how often two (or more) comedians will come up with similar ideas independently, although usually triggered by some current event. As per the comments at "Pisano Man", this song was finished by about Wednesday. This was quite a coincidence, both hitting the same topic on the same OS, but it happens. Great minds think alike lol... Buona serata and ciao.
Andrew D. Lacroix - October 27, 2007 - Report this comment
TT, thanks for the plug! You really took your time on this and I caught myself humming along with your words on the OS. I'm glad to be the inspiration to at least one person on this site. You can email me anytime you like and I will be happy to chat. Thanks again for the plug, Tommy. Now, quick, dive under the water and swim "555" feet!
TT - October 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Andrew D. Lacroix, thanks, and I'm going to try to send this weekend that stuff we talked about. Thanks for vote, comment, and inspiration!
stuart mcarthur - October 27, 2007 - Report this comment
what alvin said TT - very witty and bizarre and funny - and "I was left in the lurch by the Catholic Church" was one of them perfect lines you sometimes hear about - 555
Carmine (2-Loud) Boccatesta - October 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Den dis is dun Mr. Turt-ol. Provided it that yous don' trespast on owah intrests.
TT - October 27, 2007 - Report this comment
stuart mcarthur, thanks much :)

Don Boccatesta, we have made a deal. All of the territory undersea is mine, and all of the turf above is your turf. Turtles keep their word, unlike those humans with whom you are accustomed to dealing. Grazie.
TJC - October 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Masterful and moving x 4! Loved all the clever subs and un-lex-pected turns! You 'da man and completed a whole great 'soprano' libretto without suffering the arrowless-slings of that eunuch thing (right?).
Carmine (2-Loud) Boccatesta - October 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Michael Corleone - October 27, 2007 - Report this comment
Mr. Turtle, Please excuse Don Boccatesta. He is not yelling at you, he is just yelling near you. He's the only individual in our business enterprize that does not have need of a telephone. For that he gets some extra tribute for the revenue that he saves the organization on the ever rising costs of tele communications. He means no disrespect, he is an equal opportunity screamer. My regards to your reptilianess.
TT - October 27, 2007 - Report this comment
TJC: Being a eunuch still sounds like outrageous fortune to me... thanks TJ :)

Don Boccatesta: (kisses left cheek, kisses right cheek, hug)

Don Corleone: (kisses hand) Grazie per Suo amicizia. Mio rispettare, per sempre.

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