(instrumental opening)

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday.
The regular show pipes right in.
There's an old man sitting next to me
waiting for the new ads to begin.

He says, "Sometimes you feel like a nut, you see."
And I said, "Well, sometimes you don't."
And we trade off the sounds of Almond Joy and Mounds.
He likes to eat almonds, I won't.

Oh, la, da-da, da-de-da
la-da, da-de-da, da-dum.

Play us a jingle, Commercial Man.
Play us a jingle light.
Well, we're all in the mood for that melody
and hoping the price will be right.

(brief instrumental break)

Now, John at the bar is a friend of mine.
He's watching ad on Channel 3.
And he's quick with a poke, "There's detectors of smoke.
That's not someplace that I'd rather be."

Lawyer says, "You have something that's killing you?
I'll put smiles right back onto your face.
Well, I'm Alan Rothenberg, litigation star.
I'll win you the CEO's place!"

Oh, la, da-da, da-de-da
la-da, da-de-da, da-dum.

Now Paul is a real estate land pitchman
selling Florida to you and your wife.
And we move on to Davy, recruiting for Navy
and selling insurance for life.

And the waitresses look good at restaurant
while the guys in its ad look so stoned.
Yes, they're sharing a drink from Anheuser-Busch.
We now return you to "Twilight Zone!"

(piano break)

Play us a jingle, Commercial Man.
Play us a jingle light.
Well, we're all in the mood for that melody
and hoping the price will be right.

It's a really sad case on a Saturday
and I don't have a reason to smile.
Because it's so very bad I'm watching these shows and ads
and haven't had me a date for a while.

Because Arwen's selling cruise trips on Carnival
and my lovelife just can't get in gear.
So I sit in my chair, watch ads for growing hair
and say, "Man, what am I doing here?"

Oh, la, da-da, da-de-da
la-da, da-de-da, da-dum.

Play us a jingle, Commercial Man.
Play us a jingle light.
Well, we're all in the mood for that melody
and hoping the price will be right.

(instrumental close)