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Song Parodies -> "The Blinded Dater"

Original Song Title:

"The Entertainer"

Original Performer:

Billy Joel

Parody Song Title:

"The Blinded Dater"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

The oh-so-necessary answer to Arwen's "A Study of the Mind of a Single Woman." It demanded another Billy Joel song. For those who don't know (and you may be the lucky ones), a "blind date" is where you're set up with someone and you don't even meet them until they (or you) show up at your (or their) door, or at the restaurant. How bad can it be? Check out an early Bruce Willis film called "Blind Date."
(instrumental opening)

I am the blinded dater.
And I know just where I stand.
Another girl, I'll rate her
and my passion she'll have fanned.
Today I am her champion
and I may have won her heart.
But I know the game, soon she'll curse my name
and I'll feel real meek in another week
if I don't play well my part.
Oh, whoa.

I am the blinded dater.
And I've had to pay my price.
The drinks I bought for her at first
she now has downed them twice.
Aw, and still she's gonna haunt me.
Still she wants her say.
So I take a chance, she asks about her pants.
"No, you don't look fat, I'd like a piece of that."
Now I just won't get my way.
Oh, whoa.

I am the blinded dater.
My charm I must unfurl.
We go to trendy restaurants
me and this lovely girl.
I can't read all her faces.
I think I recall her name.
Aw, but what the hell, you know, it's just as well
'cause after a while with her smirky smile
I am the one she'll blame.

I am the blinded dater.
I feel tall as King Kong.
I'd like to make a pass or two
but don't get that thong.
Aw, she builds up my expenses.
She don't like all my lines.
And I think that she's got anatomies
that I'd love to play, but there's a price to pay
and she thinks I'm less than fine!

I am the blinded dater.
And I must put on a show.
I requested her favorite
song for the radio.
Aw, it took me hours to get through.
It'll be the thrill of her life.
It was a beautiful song, but she says it's wrong.
And I just can't fib, she prefers Brothers Gibb
so she's not gonna be my wife!

(brief instrumental break)

I am the blinded dater.
I feel beyond my age.
She's making me spend money
to send me in a rage.
Aw, again goes off her pager.
And now, strange as it seems
her love grows cold, 'cause it seems she's sold
on a muscled guy and I'm not that fly
and I'm not worth a hill of beans!

I am the blinded dater!
And I know just where I stand!
Another girl, I'll rate her!
And my passion she'll have fanned!
Today I am her champion!
And I may have won her heart!
But I know the game, soon she'll curse my name
and I'll be alone and I'll weep and moan
'cause I don't rise on her chart!

(instrumental close)
The irony is, if Arwen and I actually met, technically, it would be a "blind date"! But then, they say love is blind. Maybe it's only really nearsighted.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.6
Overall Rating: 4.6

Total Votes: 9

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Yoidy - November 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Don't worry, I got this hot chick's number, you're gonna love her. It's 555!
Michael Pacholek - November 21, 2006 - Report this comment
I just hope that's not the price of the date's check!
John Barry - November 21, 2006 - Report this comment
A hot date.
alvin rhodes - November 21, 2006 - Report this comment
nicely written
AFW - November 21, 2006 - Report this comment
You're a dater, and a fives rater
Jason - November 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Very hot Mr Pacholek! Its so hot my keyboard almost melts typing this comment! And who the hell keeps giving you 1s all the time?!
MasonR - November 21, 2006 - Report this comment
Very entertaining!

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