It's nine o'clock at the theater.
Irregular crowds shuffle in.
There's a short guy standing next to me
with his ears pointed like they're Vulcan.

He says, "Son, live long and in prosperity.
I think that's how Spock's blessing goes."
Yes, he's sad and he's lame and dressed like this he came
when I wore a younger man's clothes.

La, da da, da de da, la da, da de da, da dum...

"Show us a film, you're the Movie Man.
Show us a film tonight!"
Well, you're all dressed up just like a comedy.
I'm not sure you're really all right!

Now, John at concession's a friend of mine.
He gets me popcorn for free.
And he's quick with a joke at a sci-fan fan bloke
and there's someplace that he'd rather be.

He says, "Bill, I believe this is killing me,"
and the smile runs away from his face.
"Well, I'm sure these kids think that they're movie stars
but between their ears, you will find space!"

La, da da, da de da, la da, da de da, da dum...

Now, Paul is a real estate hobbitman
who's never had chance for a wife
and he's talking with Toby, who's dressed like Kenobi
and really should get him a life.

And the ushers are practicing trivia
as projectionists slowly rewind.
Yes, they're sharing a drink I call "phoniness"
but it's better than standing in line.

"Show us a film, you're the Movie Man.
Show us a film tonight!"
Well, you're all dressed up just like a comedy.
I'm not sure you're really all right!

It's a sellout crowd on another Saturday
and the manager gives me a smile
'cause he knows that these twits will come dressed for their skits
and forget about life for a while.

And the previews, they sound like a carnival
and the floors are so sticky with beer.
And I'm wearing a suit, they can't handle the truth.
They say, "Man, what are you doing here?"

La, da da, da de da, la da, da de da, da dum...

I'm dressed like Douglas, the "Wall Street" man.
You see, I've gotten a life.
Well, if I'm dressed like this, Catherine Zeta-Jones
she might see and come be my wife!