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Song Parodies -> "Arkancide"

Original Song Title:

"Stayin' Alive"

 (MP3)
Original Performer:

Bee Gees

Parody Song Title:

"Arkancide"

Parody Written by:

Immoral Liberal

The Lyrics

Say what you will about The Babylon Bee's satirical take on Ghislaine Maxwell, but it's a better explanation than any other I've heard for Trump's vague and minimal response when asked about her.
Well, you should know from what happened to your boss,
If you croak, too few will mourn the loss.
Epstein's island, you were there;
You know things he hid, and you know where.

Keep your wits about; they might pay
Your guards to look the other way.
You could die off-camera
Being strangled with your own bra!

While you wait in prison,
Your fate could be like his, an'
Then you won't be tried,
You won't be tried.
Girl, you should be shakin';
Your neck they could be breakin'.
We call that Arkancide;
That's Arkancide
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
You can't be tried if you have died.
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
That's Arkanci-i-i-i-i-ide!

Oh, you'll croak!

You might hit your head, hang yourself high;
Wouldn't it be so sad if you should die?
If in your toilet you chance to drown,
You can't testify in a court downtown.

How sad if you died; what a shame:
You couldn't live their names to name.
Couldn't speak in your defense;
You couldn't turn state's evidence...

Girl, you got 'em worried
Knowin' where bones are buried;
They'd prefer you died,
Prefer you died.
If you were a-tapin'
The girls they all were rapin'
They'd prefer that you died
By Arkancide
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
You can't be tried if you have died.
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
That's Arkanci-i-i-i-i-ide!

[Sound of a gal's long and loud screaming suddenly being cut short.]

You're goin' nowhere; be careful in there!
They want you silenced, yeah.
In prison somewhere; don't let them find out where!
They'd rather you di-i-ied!

They'd like to kill you for things you know about
Powerful people, we have no doubt:
Closets full of skeletons,
And not all of those from the Clintons.

That's why they'd all like, and would pay
A coroner on you to say
In response to our demand:
That your death came by your own hand!

Stay alive in prison;
Don't let your fate be his, an'
You can testify;
You'll testify.
Famous folks are quakin',
Down in their boots, shakin',
Hopin' that you'll die;
They hope you'll die.
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
You can't be tried if you have died.
Ah, ah, ah, ah!
That's Arkanci-i-i-i-i-ide!

Ugh...

You're goin' nowhere; be careful in there!
They want you silenced, yeah.
In prison somewhere; don't let them find out where!
They'd rather you di-i-ied!

[Repeat and fade.]
Of course, though the term "Arkancide" derives from the Clintons, I'm not necessarily saying they killed Epstein or are going to kill Maxwell either; though one can little doubt what their reaction will be if anything "unfortunate" should happen to her before she can make it to her trial. They're far from the only ones to have reasons to want both him and her dead, after all; and an old American military doctrine the Clintons have undoubtedly taken to heart is that if someone else is willing to risk his troops on some potentially costly endeavor so that you don't have to risk any of yours, you let him do it.

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