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Song Parodies -> "Jan B."

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

Barry Manilow

Parody Song Title:

"Jan B."

Parody Written by:

John A. Barry

The Lyrics

If you didn’t catch Arizona’s mummified gov, Jan Brewer, in her debate debacle, you can watch it here.
She remembered not her lines,
Stared like doe caught in the lights,
Gabbing-not woman.
Her face like a window
Pane of shiny ice—
Lips tight. . .no wind blows.

Moorings gone; she’s lost her way,
And people await her bray.
Looking in her eyes,
You see no memory
And you realize:
A brainpan vacancy.

Yo, Jan B!
You gave no display of cerebratin’—
Is non-sentience your way?
So, Jan B?!
Well, your lips are not quakin’ or makin’
Any sounds. . .naught to say.
No, Jan B.

She can’t even emit a whine
She talk? No way! The cameras grind.
Caught in the lights, scarecrow mug shinin’
In fear. She can’t opine;
Like Marcel, she’s mimin’.

Phones, Jan B!
You gave no display of cogitatin’
Not a sentence to say.
Tones, Jan B?
Well, your lips are not quakin’ or makin’
Any sounds. . .you OK?
Moans, Jan B?!

Reverie, a dream?
’ least she ain’t snorin’.
Cryogenized mien. . .
She ain’t recallin’.

Whoa, Jan B!
Well, you gave no display of debatin’
Not a sentence to say
Crow, Jan B!
I like it when your lips are not makin’
Any sounds. . .that’s OK!!
Mo’ Jan-free.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.3
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 2.7

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   1
 2   0
 3   0
 4   1
 5   1

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

TT - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Yeah, she should have used a teleprompter, like the Pres does even when he's speaking to elementary-school kids.
Below Average Dave - September 10, 2010 - Report this comment
Surprised no votes on this one, good idea to a great song
111 - September 11, 2010 - Report this comment
...and Jan Brewer's got a double digit lead over her opponent in this year's election, proving once again that the drive-by lamestream media and its true-believing idiots like John Barry are just circling the drain at this point. You lose, leftraitor.
John Barry - September 13, 2010 - Report this comment
Ordinarily I try to avoid this, but, 111, f**k you, a**hole. Your gray matter is as shriveled as Jan ugly face.
Observer - September 13, 2010 - Report this comment
OK 111 so you say Jan B has a double digit lead in the election so far? Remember 10 years ago? Remember 2004? Both times the elections weren't won on Election night, America was "on hold" and "hanging on the line". * OMG* The next day both times the winner was determined. Just stop counting all the votes, yeah. This happened BOTH times (coincidence - NOT!) and the sensationalistic media LOVED it. Now the media chumps are trying to tell us who will win in November and they're trying to map out and orchestrate it all again. Jan B is governing Arizona arbitrarily and stirring up xenophobic passions. If she wins this fall it will be by oversimplifying complex problems and stirring up heat-of-the-moment passions and a hateful witch hunt atmosphere to distract the public from more pressing issues. That's how most politicians work. Have a nice day.

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