Song Parodies -> "McCoy Is Down and Out"

Original Song Title:

"The King Has Lost His Crown"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"McCoy Is Down and Out"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

End of side one of the disco opera "TCU." For the first time since "As Sad as Suh," we turn to the doings of a BCS-conference team--in fact, two such teams are featured because the subject of this parody is, of course, the BCS title game. As everybody now knows, Texas QB Colt McCoy was knocked out of the game quite early when he was sacked and replaced by backup Garrett Gilbert. At the time of the injury, however, Longhorns fans are shocked and screaming bloody murder on the part of the Alabama Crimson Tide. Little do they know that the player who sacked McCoy--Alabama DT Marcell Dareus--was given a strength potion by TCU QB Andy Dalton, who is still smarting emotionally from his team's Fiesta Bowl loss three days earlier. Dalton, you see, happens to be a descendant of Gandalf the White, although he has never disclosed that to his teammates or coaches lest he lose his roster spot. This is my second parody today, largely because college football season technically starts on 2 September at 1900 Central Time when Southern Miss travels to South Carolina for a game to be nationally televised on ESPN, so I wanted to get this endeavour done by then.

(Spoken prelude)
(The Alabama players are preparing for the biggest contest of their hitherto young careers. As the coaches head to the tunnel, the players are gathered around QB Greg McIlroy to finalize their game plan; but DT Marcell Dareus is called away to talk with what turns out to be TCU QB Andy Dalton, who is disguised as the Tide's equipment manager.)
Andy Dalton: Just so you know, I want you to drink this so that you can play your best. Obviously, you'll need it more than I ever would.
Marcell Dareus: Normally I would refuse, but because you're the equipment manager, I accept your kind offer. (He drinks the potion.)
Dalton (whispering): Actually, Marce, my name is Andy Dalton and I play quarterback for TCU; and I'd be in the other locker room and not giving you my secret potion if not for the BCS bias toward the establishment; this bias materialized in the Big 12 title game when the referee intentionally added one second to the clock to allow your opponents to play here tonight. Moreover, I wouldn't be able to make the potion in the first place if not for my ancestry. You see, I am a descendant of Gandalf the White--he existed, you know!
Dareus: Really? Are you sure that what you gave me won't show up in a drug test?
Dalton: It's not a steroid, Marce. I'm sure you'll get away--(Heisman-winning RB Mark Ingram appears) well, I should let you play. Good luck!
Mark Ingram: Marce? Are you coming out?
Dareus: Yes, I am. (to Dalton) Thanks, kid.
(Dalton disappears in a cloud of smoke. At some point during the first quarter, Dareus levels Texas QB Colt McCoy. pinching McCoy's nerve as the music starts up.)
Stanza I.
Brent Musburger (in the broadcast booth): I believe McCoy has just gone down;
Texas fans, their faces show a frown.
How does it feel to lose your signal-caller?
My friend, it weighs upon your betting dollar.

Refrain.
Kirk Herbstreit: The Longhorns are disgraced;
McCoy is down and out.
Suddenly the Longhorns' fans do pout.
Their offence will go south; McCoy is down and out.

Stanza II (Fans).
First fan: This is cruel to see a steroid-user
Get away; now we will be the losers!
Second fan: This is a shame; there's naught that we could do;
That player there (pointing at Dareus), we ought to have him sued.

Refrain.
Both fans: Our Longhorns are disgraced;
McCoy is down and out.
As we stand right here and look about,
We know 'twill be a rout; McCoy is down and out.

Tag.
Mark Ingram: I'm happy in this place;
The 'Horns we'll kick about.
Suddenly this game will be a rout.
We're celebrating now; McCoy is down and out.

(Ad lib and fade)

Final score: Alabama 37, Texas 21. Over the next three days, I will follow the pattern of two parodies a day. Side two opens with the speech (on the same day of the BCS title game, but a few hours before) of newly sworn-in BCS executive director Bill Hancock and parodies the third and final unreleased OS, "Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)."

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