(Doctor)
An’ now you’ve bent for me your cheeks I will prise
Can you use the lav coz it’s tragic ‘tween your thighs

I can see more piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles…up there

An’ I think that more will grow until the little fix is made
So now I’ve seen you I just think that we should do things here today

So now I’ll poke at you…I’ll make a joke of it too
You’re gonna run that mile…because in a while

You’ll be free of piles an’ piles
You’ll be free of piles an’ piles
You’ll be free of piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles…up there

(Patient)
You took a scalpel and I trusted you then you cut my grapes away
I saw you holdin’ lots of other tools an’ nearly lost the nerve to stay

Now I’m glad I’m free…’roids hung out of me
But you had to hand file…which you said was vile

I’m now free of piles an’ piles
I’m now free of piles an’ piles
I’m now free of piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles…up there

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An’ now you’ve relieved me there’s joy in my eyes
I’m now free of pain, it feels magic ‘tween my thighs

I’m now free of piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles…up there

A thorough scour an’ I check my hole, not used to havin’ clear days
I thought I’d do the deed an’ kissed a gal, she wants it now she says

An’ so a poke is due…she’s gonna choke on it too
I’m gonna do things vile…because that’s my style

I’m now free of piles an’ piles
I’m now free of piles an’ piles
I’m now free of piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles an’ piles

I’m now free of piles an’ piles
I’m now free of piles an’ piles
I’m now free of piles an’ piles
I’m now free of piles an’ piles