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Song Parodies -> "Try to Remember (Duke University Assault Case)"

Original Song Title:

"Try To Remember"

Original Performer:

Tom Jones/The Fantasticks

Parody Song Title:

"Try to Remember (Duke University Assault Case)"

Parody Written by:

Tommy Turtle

The Lyrics

In March 2006, a stripper hired for a party by athletes at Duke University, North Carolina, USA accused several of them of sexually assaulting her multiple times and in multiple "ways". The three were charged with the offenses. Later, she told conflicting stories about the details. Today, 22 December 2006, the prosecutor announced that he was dropping the most severe of the charges because the accuser now states that she cannot remember, among other details, whether a sex organ was used at all. It has further been revealed that none of the accused men's DNA was found in body areas which would corroborate her story, and that the District Attorney willfully withheld this evidence of their apparent innocence. The following is for both the wrongfully accused and for the damage done to those who are genuine victims of such crimes and will have this shadow cast on their cases. OS lyrics here.
Try to remember which tool or which member
Was used by whom, which guy, which fellow
Try to remember and not to dismember
Lives innocent with untrue bellow
Try to remember from March to December
Which organ was tender and who said "Hello"
Try to remember, and please, when you tell, did you swallow, swallow?

Try to remember from drunk and drug bender
With whom you slept, who worked the willow
Try to remember the DNA sender;
No seed was found inside your "pillow"
Try to remember specific offender
Did you scrub your "end-er" with piece of Brillo?
Try to remember, 'cause story you render sounds hollow, hollow

End of December 'midst holiday splendor
In sleazy lies, news stories wallow
Bad for your gender, accusing defender
When victims (real) in your steps follow
You're a pretender; Court resources: spender
Your memory's slender; your brain is Jell-o
Now, in December, the truth you surrender; how yellow! yellow!

Written and posted almost in real-time while watching the story unfold (and somewhat irate), so please forgive any first-draft lack of polish. © 2006 Tommy Turtle.

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   5

User Comments

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AFW - December 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Fantastic take-off and spoof of a current almost unbelievable news topic..Funny with a capitol "F" ..couldn't be any better
PMS - December 23, 2006 - Report this comment
I agree with you totally! And where the heck have you been??? - December 23, 2006 - Report this comment
It's the Durham Smackdown - The Frat Boys vs. The Strippers - starring Mike Nifong as Don King. The story would actually be funny if it weren't so, well, horribly unfunny.

Nice job, Tommy. I see that you have studiously avoided using the word RAPE, but let's not forget that, for over nine months, this was known as the Duke RAPE Case, and the three defendants were accused RAPISTS. Now, as it turns out, "stripping" is not synonymous with "being raped." Who knew? ("Stripping" might be synonymous with "being kidnapped," however. Stay tuned.)
Yoidy - December 23, 2006 - Report this comment
Smooth funny take on a horrible subject 555!
Below Average Dave - December 23, 2006 - Report this comment
DKTOS. . .but the cause and lyrics deserved a 555, 4 others said your pacing was right--I'll take their words for it.
Tommy Turtle - December 23, 2006 - Report this comment
AFW, thanks... PMS, thanks; the answer to your question is at my song post yesterday, ht*tp://, thanks; if you're interested in recording, let me know, we'll work something out... Yoidy, thanks... Below Average Dave, thanks.

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