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Song Parodies -> "Dopeball Wizard"

Original Song Title:

"Pinball Wizard"

Original Performer:

The Who

Parody Song Title:

"Dopeball Wizard"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

After 600 parodies (what's the harm of a little shameless self-promotion), you'd think I'd have done "Pinball Wizard" by now, especially since I used to BE one. (I've since fallen WAY out of practice.) This was inspired by Terry Cashman's 1983 parody of his own "Talkin' Baseball": "Talkin' Dopeball." Of course, that was about cocaine, not steroids. How do you think he does it? If Jose Canseco is telling the truth, then we definitely don't want to know!
(guitar opening)

Ever since I was a young boy
I've watched the games of ball.
From Boston out to L.A.
I must have seen them all.
But I ain't seen anything like him.
Didn't answer Congress' call.
That big dumb Giambi
sure plays a mean dopeball!

He runs just like a statue
but hits like a machine.
At least they say he used to
even when he played it clean.
But he developed problems
and the doc answered his call.
That big dumb Giambi
sure plays a mean dopeball!

He's a dopeball wizard! And now we know his twist!
A dopeball wizard's got pills inside his fist!

How do you think he does it?
(I don't wanna know!)
What makes him so pumped?

Ain't got enough homers.
Can't hear warnings so well.
And now his body's crashing.
This has an awful smell.
Got bad pituitary
and bladder known as gall.
That big dumb Giambi
sure plays a mean dopeball!

I thought Bonds was the steroid-using king.
But I just found a new court-jester for him!

(guitar break)

Even at the training table
those pills he'll ingest.
Gets delivery from BALCO
and he just does the rest.
And now we're only watching
his reputation fall.
That big dumb Giambi
sure plays a mean dopeball!

(guitar fadeout)

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.6
How Funny: 4.2
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 5

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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Johnny D - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Great parody, Michael. "and bladder known as gall" is a particularly funny line!
Michael Pacholek - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
Well, John, if YOU were doing it, the word "bladder" would inevitably lead to something else, but Giambi may end up with problems there, too.
alvin rhodes - March 20, 2005 - Report this comment
beautiful....especially liked the steroid usin' king part
Vile - March 21, 2005 - Report this comment
Wow. This song really sucks. Just like the other 600 pieces of garbage you wrote...
Michael Pacholek - March 22, 2005 - Report this comment
Oh really? Awright, "Vile," let's see what YOU can come up with! Everyone else here has tried their hand and was prepared to face the critics. Let's see how good you are at this sort of thing! Put up or shut up!
Tristessa Baggins - March 30, 2005 - Report this comment
Wow you really are an arse aren't you? Johnny D gives you a good review and you turn around and criticize him-- and if you get all tweaked about Vile's review maybe you shouldn't be dishing out the same thing
Johnny D - March 30, 2005 - Report this comment offense, but I think you might be new around here, so you don't know yet that Michael and I are friendly colleagues here on AmiRight --- and we both enjoy hurling wise-cracks and good-natured insults at each other...if you don't believe me, ask Michael...or better yet, ask Michael to ask Edmund Fitzgerald. ;-)

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