I met a false-teethed Aussie woman in Merseyside
She made me go upstairs for a shag
She lost her teeth to some Pepsi Max
but hopefully she is a Vampire Weekend
in these days, you could be meeting this wanker
Hopefully, it ain't no more fun than Val Kilmer

But give me the wonky tonk women
But give me, give me, the wonky tonk poos
But it's a hard life for these times of women
so give me, give me, the wonky tonk women

It's a bit creepy, a bit Ikea music
so let's get fucked off with the show
that false-teethed woman never gave me a snog
but it's that single woman that wanks like Briana Banks (the pornstar)

But it's a harder, harder wonky tonk women
so give me, give me, give me the wonky tonk women
it's a Heartbreak Hotel just for these weeks
so give me, give me, give me the wonky tonk women

Hello, please welcome to the Jungle
Comedic references just on a Nightrain
if Axl can only meet this woman in Suffolk
so he can sit and sing to her 'Unfinished Sympathy' or 'Karmacoma'

But it's a hot, hot day for this women
so give me, give me, give the wonky tonk women
Hide, hide, hide, hide, the Melody Makers and NME
but give us, give us, give the Aussie flag

But it's a hot date for this women in Bradford
so give me, give me, give me the wonky tonk women