Song Parodies -> "I Will Not Use Contractions"

Original Song Title:

"(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"

Original Performer:

"I Will Not Use Contractions"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

I will not use word contractions
I shall not use word contractions
I will not, I will not, I will not, I will not
It will not do, it will not do

As I write down these song words
I do not need to hurry, no
As I see more and more
Of the speedy word construction
Apostrophes quell imagination
So those will go--ho ho ho
Say say say full words, ok!

I can not use word contractions
I shall not use word contractions
I shall not, I shall not, I shall not, I shall not
That will not do, that will not do

You might think my rule is squeaky
You then might come around and tell me
How fast writing can be
Welll I think that these things are a stinking joke
And I think that you should all join me
And say no...no no no
Nay nay nay...full words today!

I will not use word contractions
I shall not join other factions
I will not, I will not, I will not, I will not
It will not do, it will not do

There are others in the world
Say they "won't" do this and they "don't" do that
And the other stones they hurl
They make me feel so negatory, so their nose I tweak
The apostrophes are for the weak
Because I say so...so go go
Play play play...into the fray

I will not, no! I shall not, no!
I will not use those contractions
Those darned contractions
No word contractions

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Matthias - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment

Really funny stuff here Agrimorfee and this looks like it would be a pretty tough topic to pull off... Especially to this song!

Timmy1000 - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment

Teaching contractions in English was probably some kind of evil plot in school. Tough song to parody, but you did it well.

MasonR - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment

I think I am going to print out "Apostraphes are for the weak" and give it to every copy editor I know! 'bye, y'all!

John Barry - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment

I do not have any hesitation about giving you fives. Now how about tackling the issue of double negatives: "I can't get no satisfaction," of course, means I can get satisfaction.

Mark Scotti - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment

GREAT play on words. I can't not give you fives!!!

Fiddlegirl - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment

As an language arts teacher, I can say it's a challenge to teach formal writing today. Apart from contractions, students use text abbreviations and instant message shorthand constantly in their papers. (how com i faild englsh? o...)

AFW - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment

Very funny...but realistically, no-one could ink a page, or survive without some contractions;;especially, a pregnant woman

blackjack21 - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment

Very clever parody. But next time don't shorten okay to ok, okay? ;-) Great job. 555

alvin - July 10, 2009 - Report this comment

punctuated with laughter

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