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Song Parodies -> "I Will Not Use Contractions"

Original Song Title:

"(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"

Original Performer:

The Rolling Stones

Parody Song Title:

"I Will Not Use Contractions"

Parody Written by:

Agrimorfee

The Lyrics

I will not use word contractions
I shall not use word contractions
I will not, I will not, I will not, I will not
It will not do, it will not do

As I write down these song words
I do not need to hurry, no
As I see more and more
Of the speedy word construction
Apostrophes quell imagination
So those will go--ho ho ho
Say say say full words, ok!

I can not use word contractions
I shall not use word contractions
I shall not, I shall not, I shall not, I shall not
That will not do, that will not do

You might think my rule is squeaky
You then might come around and tell me
How fast writing can be
Welll I think that these things are a stinking joke
And I think that you should all join me
And say no...no no no
Nay nay nay...full words today!

I will not use word contractions
I shall not join other factions
I will not, I will not, I will not, I will not
It will not do, it will not do

There are others in the world
Say they "won't" do this and they "don't" do that
And the other stones they hurl
They make me feel so negatory, so their nose I tweak
The apostrophes are for the weak
Because I say so...so go go
Play play play...into the fray

I will not, no! I shall not, no!
I will not use those contractions
Those darned contractions
No word contractions
Copyright 2009, Agrimorfee.

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.9
How Funny: 4.9
Overall Rating: 4.9

Total Votes: 10

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
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 0
 
 2   0
 0
 0
 
 3   0
 0
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 4   1
 1
 1
 
 5   9
 9
 9
 

User Comments

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Matthias - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Really funny stuff here Agrimorfee and this looks like it would be a pretty tough topic to pull off... Especially to this song!
Timmy1000 - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Teaching contractions in English was probably some kind of evil plot in school. Tough song to parody, but you did it well.
MasonR - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
I think I am going to print out "Apostraphes are for the weak" and give it to every copy editor I know! 'bye, y'all!
John Barry - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
I do not have any hesitation about giving you fives. Now how about tackling the issue of double negatives: "I can't get no satisfaction," of course, means I can get satisfaction.
Mark Scotti - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
GREAT play on words. I can't not give you fives!!!
Fiddlegirl - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
As an language arts teacher, I can say it's a challenge to teach formal writing today. Apart from contractions, students use text abbreviations and instant message shorthand constantly in their papers. (how com i faild englsh? o...)
AFW - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Very funny...but realistically, no-one could ink a page, or survive without some contractions;;especially, a pregnant woman
blackjack21 - July 09, 2009 - Report this comment
Very clever parody. But next time don't shorten okay to ok, okay? ;-) Great job. 555
alvin - July 10, 2009 - Report this comment
punctuated with laughter

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