(I) was living in a dump as a child, some punk called me "Coach"
And I've waffled my hands, and broken every bone in my body
I'm teaching kids to play dodgeball, (baby).
I hate kids, hate kids, despise them...

I am a Coach named Kreaton
Whoa, a Coach named Kreaton
I am a Coach named Kreaton
I say daaaggghhh...daaaggghhh...daaaggghhh...wooooooh.

Now I have never been a happy man since they cancelled "Bewitched".
I make kids miserable and criticize all the things they do.
I once taught a Driver's Ed class (music).
The music, evil music was blaring!!

I am a Coach named Kreaton
You might think that I'm a heathen
I am a Coach named Kreaton
I say daaaggghhh...daaaggghhh...daaaggghhh...wooooooh

Deaf'ning music, nearly gave me a heart attack
If you would only let my body heal a lot, yeah
I've broken bones...my hand...my hand was waffled in scary ways
My life's...bad... in ways that you don't understand

Kreeton (Kreeton), Kreeton (Kreeton),
They call me a coach...Coach!!
The life I live (The life I live), The life I live (The life I live),
Yeah, the life I live (Yeah, the life I live), it is so sad (Man, it is so sad).

These punks, they named me Kreeton
Whoa, they named me Kreeton
Now I'm a Coach named Kreeton
I say daaaggghhh... daaaggghhh..... daaaggghhh!!!!
I'm a poor old man
Daaagggghhhhh!!!!

These punks, they named me Kreeton
Whoa, they named me Kreeton
Now I'm a Coach named Kreeton
I say daaaggghhh... daaaggghhh.....
(Repeat/Fade out)