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Song Parodies -> "Trouble That I Get On Dates"

Original Song Title:

"Trouble Every Day"

Original Performer:

The Mothers Of Invention

Parody Song Title:

"Trouble That I Get On Dates"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Sometimes you just get the worst luck in dates. I don't, cause I haven't been on one ever, but this guy sure has...
Whether they're covered in zits
Or just a bit smelly
I know I can be crude
But I've got standards, and so please
Next time you set up a blind date
Because I lost another bet
I would appreciate, my friend
Someone who's not a mess

When they're scratchin' while I'm eatin'
Puts me off a bit
Wonder why I resist datin'
When the barrel's butt you're scrapin'
When sendin' ladies my way
Makes trouble for me when on dates
They're crazy or late
More trouble for me on my date

Someone who's not so pious
Tells me off for saying "jeez"
Someone who's not in the buff
'Cept for a string of beads
And I do abhor
People who fling their food around
And I'm gettin' tired
Of my dates actin' like clowns
You say that you're sorry
That you'll choose better next time
But holy crap, this hag's a nag
Not glad at all, she's shite

You're not helpin' while I'm datin'
Sendin' me these texts
Askin' "So far, how's it goin'?"
When she's on the table crowin'
Seems I'll never get a break
Ev'ry day, a new weird-ass date
Think Twilight is great?
The best that I can get on dates

What I call it when my date has
Gone crazy, and I wish it
Didn't happen ev'ry weekend
One time, the girl had boxer shorts
Upon her head, pattern was sports
But otherwise, still had the plot
Yes, she seemed sane, used fancy words
I learned a lot that day
But then she started chasin' birds
So hard to tell what kind of gone-loco
A person is at first
Glance, a book's cover you can't judge
But ev'ry time this crap comes up
Cause ev'ry girl I date is nuts
No, not one of them is well
One girl came dressed up as a clown
Communicated with cowbells
Please be more discerning when you choose
A new blind date for me
I may be desp'rate for a partner
But no more nutballs, please
I'm sick of looks from other diners
As my date handstands and bleats
Don't mind the compliment'ry brownies
From the staff sorry for me

So I'm shruggin' as I'm waitin'
Dodgin' my date's spit
Cause she flipped and started ravin'
Cause I ordered beef, not chicken
Diners sendin' glares my way
Because of my stir-crazy date
Bet I'll have to pay
For troubles caused by my mad date

"Hey, other dinin' people?
Don't be mad
I know my date's throwing limes
At least she's not naked this time"

Well, I think my cheeks are burnin'
With embarrassment, brain's whirlin'
Why are all of my dates nuts?
This one keeps speakin' from her butt
I'm quirky myself, shouldn't mind 'em
But my standards, I stand by them
They act higher than a kite
But 'neath their noses, see no white
I wish it was just drug reactions
Have you seen their crazy actions?
Surprised the rest'rants haven't banned me
Maybe my tips to their staff
Makes them more lenient to me
And all the madness from my dates
Like Anne, who tried to eat her plate
Or June, who threw her glass of gin
At herself while in the bin
All the while with a huge grin
The other diners stared in fright
As I just downed my beer and sighed

You know, I'd love to simply stay at home
And let this madness end
But you keep on messin' with my life
It drives me round the bend
I'm so tired of my dates
All setting fire to my arse
Why must you send the crazy people
Just to cure my lonely heart?
Used to sit and mope around
I had no friends, was feeling down
But after ten or so food fights
I would prefer to stay inside
How long until you will agree
That these dates won't do good for me
Cause they all lack in sanity
Oh, why can't you see
Since that girl came dressed in cheese
Can't stand the smell of that stuff, please
I cannot take it anymore
The looks I get in groc'ry stores
If you have no mad chicks in store
Then leave me be, I'll stay in doors
You wanna help me hook up and score?
YOU date me, you think of that before?

How about Thursday for lunch?

Seriously though, if the biggest problem you have with a possible romantic partner is differing tastes in media, you've got it pretty good. Not speaking from experience, of course, I'm just paraphrasing from a webcomic, but I stand by what I said.

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.5
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 4.8

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   2
 5   2

User Comments

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Agrimorfee - December 18, 2013 - Report this comment
High five for picking the wordiest Zappa tune in this Artistry round. I have to knock you slightly for pacing, particularly during the chorus. But you filled the time well without getting too random and avoiding profanity. 545
Abbott Skelding - December 21, 2013 - Report this comment
Major kudos for picking one heck of an OS. Never heard it before so it was kinda hard to read your lyrics in a fast pace...but from what I could tell, the pacing was pretty solid. My favorite part was the guy receiving free brownies for having a bad date...why doesn't that happen more!? haha, great job!
Matthias - December 22, 2013 - Report this comment
I agree with Agrimorfee and Abbott in saying that this one is pretty fantastic and one hell of an epic song! Well done and the reason why I'm still single!
Max Power - December 30, 2013 - Report this comment
Not an easy song to work with, kudos to you for such effort.
Blaydeman - January 01, 2014 - Report this comment
Whew, this OS, dang! Props. Solid parodying work my friend.

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