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Song Parodies -> "Goalie"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

The Kinks

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I've wanted to do "Lola" for a while now...Lemme rephrase that. I've wanted to PARODY "Lola" for a while. (I know what you're thinking, Merry and Pip, and you oughta be ashamed o' y'selves!) But there aren't a whole lot of things that rhyme with "Lola." Reading the one about the soccer player named Zola made me think of Zola Budd, the barefoot South African runner of the Eighties, but that's so far back and so obscure anyway, I might as well write a parody about the USFL. Oh, wait, I did. Crayola? (crayons) Payola? (record companies paying DJs to play their new songs) Tommy Mottola? Adam Carolla? The Toyota Corolla? Calling dollar bills "spondolas"? Nothing worked. Until I thought of a slight alteration. Here goes, and by the way, I used "Toronto" because it sort of rhymes with "Soho," not to mention the hockey connection:
I met her in a club up in Toronto
where they eat hot dogs and they taste just like a stromboli.
B-O-L-I, boli.
I walked up to her, and she's wearing a mask
and I asked, "What are you?" in a beer-soaked voice, she said, "Goalie."
G-O-L-I, Goalie, Go-go-go-go-goalie.

Well, I'm not the world's best defensive guy
but when she passed me the puck, well, it bounced off my spine, from the goalie.
Well, I'm not dumb, but I can't understand
why she always got booed by the guys in the stands, oh my Goalie.
Go-go-go-go-goalie, Go-go-go-go-goalie.

Well, we drank champagne from the Stanley Cup
until the sun started comin' right up.
And Goalie smiled, she was grinning with glee
and she said, "Hey there, boy, wanna score one on me?"
Well, I'm not the world's best power-play guy
but when I looked in her eyes, well, I almost fell for my goalie.
Go-go-go-go-goalie, Go-go-go-go-goalie.
Goalie, Go-go-go-go-goalie, Go-go-go-go-goalie.

I pushed her away, checked her to the boards, she fell on the floor
she went down on her knees, that butterfly pose totally turned on me.

And that's the way that I want it to stay
and I always want it to be that way for my Goalie.
Boys play the game, and so do the girls.
It's a mixed-up, jumbled-up, shook-up world, except for Goalie.

I'd been called up just a week before
and I'd never had such a good chance to score
but Goalie smiled, took me by the pads
and said, "Pretty boy, gonna please both your nads."

Well, I'm not the world's most masculine man
but I know what I am, I'm a big hockey fan, and so is Goalie.
Goalie, Go-go-go-go-goalie, Go-go-go-go-goalie.
Goalie, Go-go-go-go-goalie, Go-go-go-go-goalie.
Goalie, Go-go-go-go-goalie, Go-go-go-go-goalie.
(repeat 'til fade)

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   4
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

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John Jenkins - June 03, 2003 - Report this comment
I don't know what a stromboli is, but it rhymed well. Good line about 'nads. Michael, I hope you meet a girl like Goalie!
Phil Alexander - June 04, 2003 - Report this comment
I guess I snuck in there with the Zola one... I suppose you could always do a "redefined naturalism" one about Emile Zola :-) Anyway, an enjoyable Lola parody, Michael
Michael Pacholek - June 05, 2003 - Report this comment
Thanks, guys. John: A "stromboli" has nothing to do with Strom Thurmond (the State of South Carolina and Trent Lott both could have learned from it). According to the website of the New Brunswick, New Jersey-based joint that invented the thing in 1977: "A Stuff Yer Face stromboli is a sandwich made with your favorite stuffings of either meats, vegetables or seafood, along with cheeses and savory sauces, wrapped in a freshly made pizza-like dough and baked to a crispy, golden brown." So long as the bread is cooked properly, and you get the fillings you want, yum, yum. And, like pizza, it goes well with beer. Phil: You thought of someone most of us, myself included, would never have considered for a parody, which shows how far back he goes now (died 100 years ago). Half the people on this board probably think Emile Zola is Jacques Chirac's wife who told him not to side with Bush, and that Alfred Dreyfus was Mister Holland.
Claude Prez - June 05, 2003 - Report this comment
I ignore hockey totally. But I thought this was very well done.
AFW - March 30, 2007 - Report this comment
Funny, and very well written

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