Oooh, this new part of mine
Filled with so many lines
Didn’t know what to say
Op’ning night OF the play
I remembered some
Dur-ing the wrong scene
They didn’t make sense then
If you know what I mean

I made my FIRST mistake
When I en-TERED from the wrong side
My co-star was passing by
He’s still got double vision from that epic co-llision, I’m an

Act-ing foo-oo-ool
This new part I just can’t make it through
Act-ing foo-oo-ool…stress on “fool”
(Stress on fool!)

These old arms of mine
Flailing around and round
Knocked the mic aside
Scenes without sound

So MAN-y cues I missed
Saw Director with shaking fist
There’s no way to console myself
When the dance scene shoulda happened, had no shoes for tappin’, I’m an

Act-ing foo-oo-ool
This new part’s too hard; can’t mud-dle through
Act-ing foo-oo-ool…stress on “fool”
(Stress on fool!)

(sax solo)

Oooh, in my dressing room
The wrong costume
Not the blushing bride
‘Stead I was the groom
The crowd is booin’ me
Which I think is cruel
Veg-GIES in my face
Sure are-n’t cool, no!

I swear I practiced a hundred times
Without a single “nerves” attack
So much for winning a Tony
No matter how I pouted, critics fumed about it, said an

Act-ing foo-oo-ool
This new part I just can’t make it through
Act-ing foo-oo-ool
This new part’s too hard; can’t mud-dle through
Act-ing foo-oo-ool

(repeat/fade)