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Song Parodies -> "Cowculate"

Original Song Title:


Original Performer:

The Bestles

Parody Song Title:


Parody Written by:

Lionel Mertens

The Lyrics

I am very proud to announce the release of my new cowculator app to assist the cattle industry with the acowting process. I am just tickled udderly pink to have developed this cute and handy software program for all the multi-steer executives and beef eaters of the world to enjoy. And lets not forget the dairy industry, they got herds too, you know. And what better way to top off a nice juicy thick steak than an iced creamy thick shake. Yeah! I hope you don’t think I suffer from O.C.D. (obsessive cattle disorder), but you can view and download a live demo of my new app now! at And remember they’re not ranches anymore: they’re multi-steer executives.
Cowculate, the expenses for that roast you ate
What it took for it to reach your plate?
Oh, floss your teeth and cowculate

Counts the calves that were produced this spring
By the rancher’s old bull rip snorting
Go, cowculate with acowting

Cownt the bawling calves
And the laughs they generate
Cownt the mean old bulls
Plus his jewels to cowculate

Cowculate, know how much an aging bull can mate
And still keep his staff on for a date
Oh, where’s the beef to cowculate?

Watch for tender loins
They’re like coins lost down the grate
If his meat gets raw
Just guffaw and cowculate

Cowculate, and let such a cheesy pun dictate?
The cattle biz can make one ruminate
Till cows don’t queefe I’ll cowculate
Wah wah woosh! wah wah wah WOOSH!
This parody hasn’t been brought to you by the Artificial Inseminators of America who have a cowculator that far surpasses the functionalities of what I’m offering you today.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   4

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Alexander's Rag Tag Band - August 10, 2018 - Report this comment
A "gentleman farmer" was really asked how many cattle he had. He said so many head. The person asked how many cattle were in a head.
Factoid - August 10, 2018 - Report this comment
A head is a single animal. If you have 50 steers, 3 bulls, 60 cow/calf pairs and 10 heifers, you own 183 head of cattle. Head as in counting heads.

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